Listing brain activity - i am not brain dead.

[anonymous]

I am really struggling to engage with my therapist. We do not seem to be moving forward, and the more he digs, the more my mind goes blank. I have read a lot of posts in here about people who write things out in order to get things moving in therapy ( particularly when they suffer from the mind-going-blank scenario).

The past few weeks, I have had this overwhelming urge to write some sort of list. I cannot slow down enough to write one. I have mulled over list titles that might be helpful, yet nothing seems to stick long enough to complete it. It seems like my therapist can sometimes dig up small things that I did not even know existed if I can find the words to say one or two small things.

I suspect he is highly frustrated because many sessions he is met with blank stares and silence. I have tried to tell him, but am not sure he understands that it's not always blank inside my brain. I really think a lot about what he says (at times during session if I'm not shut down too much, but especially during the week).

I need help jump starting this process because apparently my brain is not capable of going there alone or in real time. Does anybody have list suggestions that have worked for you in the past? I don't think it needs to be complicated, but I do not know where to start. I was thinking along the lines of...

1) Things I researched after our last session.
2) Things that make me slightly more comfortable in this ever-so- stressful room.

I am looking for some categories you might have found helpful or some ideas of where to go with this. I believe it is going to require me writing something and reading it in order to move off of high center. Also, if you think this is a truly horrible idea, it might be a good thing to know as well.

 

[+littlebird]

I am really struggling to engage with my therapist. We do not seem to be moving forward, and the mor...

Hi. I'm sorry you are having this problem! I don't have any list ideas, but maybe something that may help with the writing itself.

Last week I was trying to write about some memories I couldn't say out loud to my therapist. As soon as I started typing my mind clamped down and I couldn't write a word! I was blank. Then I got an idea that seemed a bit crazy. : ) I listened to an audio book while typing. It worked!

The book seemed to keep part of my brain occupied. Words I've never been able to say or write, even when alone, are now typed out. About 15 pages worth! I'm actually shocked I was able to do it. There's no way I could read it out loud, though. I plan to give her the pages on my next appointment.

I don't know if something like this might help you? I know it sounds weird to distract yourself so you can concentrate! What about an ear bud in only one ear during your appointments themselves?

I hope you and your therapist can work something out. I bet he is very used to having patients shut down talking about trauma. Good luck!

 

[Teamwork]

A couple of thinks come to mind for me. One is that he always starts the session off fast. I am never ready to answer and as soon as I figured out why, I told him. Basically to get to his office now we have to use the hiway and this creates anxiety, he’s in a new building and entering it is still challenging. So by the time I get in the room and he fires the first question, I’m not ready and it looks like shut down. I managed to tell him one day that, I hadn’t arrived in the room yet, was still grounding. Also when he doesn’t get a response from me he moves on so I’m working on that next to be able to say if I’m processing the question still or just struggling to answer it and then what I need to say to him. Like wait, or no move on I can’t answer. A lot of what is happening,happens inside so I’m trying to tell him so he knows to pace differently.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

During the week, can you jot down your thoughts, joys, upsets, triggers into your phone notes?

 

[barefoot]

I sometimes create mind maps on big sheets of paper to take in to therapy.

It helps me to prepare for the session and to think through how I want to get the most out of the session time. It also helps me to bring a topic up because, if I’ve done a sheet on it, it generally means it is an uncomfortable topic, which I would most likely tend to avoid/really struggle bringing up. So, with a sheet, I’ll just say “I’ve brought a sheet with me” and she’ll smile really encouragingly and seem keen to see it and that feels a lot easier than having to just launch into a difficult topic and name what I want to talk about.

It also provides some structure, which helps me to stay on track and also helps to prevent total brain freeze sometimes too, I think. And it’s easier to bounce around between the content and point out different stuff and make connections etc without distracting myself and losing the thread of what I’m talking about.

Finally, it helps a lot that we both sit looking at and pointing at the sheet - it’s much, much easier for me that we’re focusing on the page rather than sitting opposite each other as I often find being under her gaze too intense. So, it can help to reduce some in-session anxiety for me.

In terms of topics I have “brain stormed”, I’ve done sheets on: progress I’ve made; obstacles in therapy; things that make me anxious about therapy; things that are stressful about the therapeutic relationship; goals to work on in therapy; my denial; who is responsible for certain traumas; triggers; grounding skills; thoughts/questions I’ve had during processing since last session; my support network...lots of things!

It’s been a really useful tool for me - and this is reminding me that I haven’t done one for a while, so maybe I’ll do another one on something soon!

How about starting with those two ideas you mentioned? Start scribbling and see where it takes you :)

 

[Neverthesame]

What about keeping it short, right to the very basic and singular?
Instead of making an entire list, stick to why you are bringing the paper in the first place. When he understands why you are having so much difficulty communicating, he may be able to work with you to find a solution, such as exercises to ground you, or to keep your train of thought from derailing immediately after it leaves the station.

 

[joeylittle]

Sometimes, it helps me to write what I wished I would have said in the session, but didn't. Doing that can sometimes lead to me working things out on my own, and sometimes lead to understanding that there are things I need to say in there. I've often gotten good support from comments in my trauma diary here, when I write those things out in that space. I do that sometimes; other times, it's just the body of an email (that I almost never end up sending).