Little Hung Up On A Comment, Reality Check?

[SimplyComplex]

I had a really good session this past monday. We talked more openly about my dissociation and I was finally able to ask a bunch of questions I never had the nerve to ask before. I had sent her a long journal entry listing things I thought might be dissociation and she confirmed that it indeed was and we talked a lot how I felt about that....well it felt like a good session and I walked out feeling really good.

But she said in the session "this is going to sound like its from no where, but have you been watching the JC _______ story on the news" I had not and asked who it was, kind of demanded she tell me. She told me it was a woman who had been kidnapped for 19 years and told me a bit about the story (I was pretty over it by the time she got to the fact she gave birth to her kids in captivity). I assured her I didn't know (I really dont watch much tv as the kids pretty much take up the tv in our house) but asked her why she wanted to know. She said "oh, I just thought her story could upset you...I think she used some dissociation during her captivity".

But I know I am being paranoid here, I know it. I am thinking, maybe she thinks I am making stuff up. Maybe she thinks I am hearing stuff and adding it my story. Maybe she thinks I am making symptoms up. I cant even bring myself to look up anything about the JC lady because I am really afraid, what if there are similarities and she will think I was taking things and making them my own...its like my worst nightmare!

Calm me thinks maybe she wanted to talk to me about it or had a comment about the case that would help me, or maybe she did think that I was influenced but believes me that I haven't even been following the story. Or...

Argh! I know that I let t get "too close" this week and I am looking for reasons to put up walls again. But now I really feel like putting shields up and not telling her my story (with a kidnapping story in it that I havent gotten to...although not as serious as JC's of course).

So reality check? What should I do? How do I get my whole brain back with its feet on the ground?

 

[Ted Moen]

It sounds to me like you're doing good, like you left the session feeling like you did good :)

Of course, we've let ourselves be fooled before, so it doesn't take too long of realizing we felt good about something for us to start thinking we're letting ourselves be fooled again and begin searching for possible ulterior motives and building them into a rational to quit doing the things that made us feel good. Or something like that.

Stick with your first paragraph and explore your dissociation with your therapist.

Ted

 

[Reclusive]

Oh, I remember that story. I think you should focus on the progress you made, especially about the dissociation. If it's still nagging at your brain when the next session rolls around, ask your T why she brought it up - you can ask those questions and it's okay. But I think one thing we need to learn (OKAY! *I* need to learn) is not to put thoughts into other people's heads.

 

[SimplyComplex]

Thanks :)

I am going to try to write it out today and get my head together. I can see clearly it is me panicking, but it doesn't change how I feel. I am going to take some "me time" today :)

 

[Reclusive]

I think that's an excellent idea! Treat yourself to something nice, even if it's just a little thing.

 

[yomama]

I think you're super insightful about your own process. I agree with everyone about focusing on the positives in the first paragraph, but also want to add that your fears undoubtedly come from somewhere legitimate, too. I don't know you, but I'm guessing years of dissociation, minimization, and not being believed contribute to the worry that your T won't believe the full story, once you get there. Your radar is finely tuned to that stuff so you can protect yourself. I don't think that's a bad thing, I think we all have developed it for survival. We just have to learn to balance it with other information, which is exactly what you are doing here.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, she may have been genuinely worried about the story upsetting you and was being protective, or it could have been one of those not-well-thought-out random comments that popped into her head, simply because you and JC both used dissociation. Who knows. Best thing is to ask her.

 

[SimplyComplex]

I attempted to watch the interview...see if there was something about it like what I was saying or see if I could figure out why she brought it up. I made it through the intro and was bawling my eyes out and had to turn it off. Just seeing the mother being so loving...and then she looked so together for having been tortured for 18 years. I don't know, obviously I am letting it all get far too in my head right now.

Its that feeling vulnerable thing...

 

[anthony]

Don't think for others, ask for clarification immediately. Nothing worse than walking out of therapy and then causing yourself chaos, missing further appointments, avoidance, and the list goes on.

I think her answer was pretty accurate, being she just wanted to know whether you had, as she has other patients, who no doubt see TV, then come in with those symptoms. She has to ask if she wants to know your thoughts, just as you have to do the same thing to her. Unless you have a crystal ball that tells you what others say, or can read minds.

 

[SimplyComplex]

I am seriously about to bring in the pillow that started this silly panic to my next therapy appointment.

I actually felt really comfortable with her original answer. I know I cant read minds...and I am totally comfortable with her doing her job. I got a little crazy....but I did get alot of work done on feelings of worthiness ... worthiness to have a pretty bed, worthiness to have my therapist's time...etc