Living In Pain And The Toll It Takes On The Mind

[Deleted member 541]

Had my new PT appointment. Ok, it's with a physiotherapist. Didn't know that before the appointment. Got a bit freaked out when he started(yeah it's a guy) lifting up my shirt and sort of pulling my jeans down a bit. Finally had to tell him that I have PTSD and I was getting a bit freaked with all of this. I told him that I "know" it's me and not him, but that I was still a bit freaked. He offered to stop and have a nurse come in the room if I wanted and stay throughout the treatment. I did some deep breaths and declined.

He then went on to tell me that eventually he would be working near my groin and if I ever needed him to stop, he would. If I ever wanted a nurse in the room, I could ask for one. If I ever felt uncomfortable with him, he would find another therapist for me that I might feel more comfortable with. Whatever I needed to feel comfortable he would do his best to help me.... That was a huge comfort for me......

Well.... one more issue... He feels that my sacrum twisted when I fell, and that this is part of the pain I'm going through. Oh f*cking joy!!!!

MRI on Tuesday and hopefully it will show all of the issues and pinpoint exactly what's going on...... I'm so f*cking over all of this shit you don't know!!!!!

 

[mamachick]

Oh She Cat...Im sorry.
Good to hear that he was sensitive to your situation and I know it must be uncomfortable.
Im glad you are getting that MRI soon.
Is he describing what the treatment is if the MRI shows that your sacrum did twist when you fell?

I just discovered that anti biotics (Cipro, Levequin, others) should not have been used as first line treatment though it often is, and it causes damage to cartilage, tendons, and muscles. It is now black boxed. It makes me question recurring damage to a rotator cuff since I have babied it.

Hoping for the best She Cat ((((hugs)))

 

[Deleted member 541]

@brat17 We started treatment. It's just a series of subtle manipulation of muscles for now. Plus he wants me to continue with back exercises.

Yes, antibiotics in the Cipro family can be dangerous. I've never had an issue with them, but know people that have.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@She Cat I am at a complete loss of words. I am so very sorry you are reduced to living like this. I am so glad that you can still laugh and I hope for pain relief for you.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@gizmo Thanks Gizmo.... I'm hopeful that this therapy will work!!!!

 

[DharmaGirl]

@She Cat, I'm glad you are doing PT. I'm starting that next week. I actually got to see my MRI, and it was awful! No wonder I have so much pain! I do get pain pills but I remember how horrible it was when I refused to take them. They add quality of life even though they make me nauseous and confused and more dissociated. I take as little as possible so I don't get used to them so quickly, and last month I tried to take less. There was a HUGE difference in what I could do. I will stick with them. I hope your pain clinic is as good as mine. You are treated like a patient in pain, not an addict, and they are up on all the latest non-narcotic interventions too. The thing that helped me the most was the pain psychologist. I am able (mostly) to separate my emotions about my pain from my pain. It makes it more bearable. It has been a hard journey for you it seems, and I hope they give you the relief you need. Meaning, give you the damn pain pills!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I can't file for SSI because you can't be working at the time. They figure if your working then you are capable of working. If I don't work, then I lose my apartment, can't buy food or pay my bills. It's a situation that I honestly don't know how to change or fix.

I am in the exact same situation. I have NO idea what I will do when my pain gets worse to the point of wheelchair/walker stage. I will get there, most likely by my 40th birthday, way before retirement age, and no spouce or SO or anyone to help me while waiting for the 5 ish years to wait for SSI.

You would think the US that there would be some sort of way to prove you cant work within a timeframe that would allow us to not become homeless or give us some sort of funds until the approved and if not approved pay it back or something. Not cause us to be unemployed for a year or more. Who can do that? Even some married couples cant do that but those of us fully single and alone people are just f*cked. Ugh.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@lostforgottensoul I'm sorry lost. Honestly, you are in a worse place than I am, and I don't have any answers for either of us.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @She Cat! It's often on my mind and I want to work as long as I can but when I can't anymore, what does one do? It's sad! And scary!

 

[Lionheart]

When I became unable to work I had to move home with my mother. I was fortunate that I had family I could stay with. I was even more fortunate that my case was substantiated by State doctors before the disability determination was made; I was never turned down, never had to go to court, and I only had to wait a mandatory 5 months between being awarded the benefits and actually receiving my first check.

Its def a difficult situation and I suggest gathering copies of all of your medical records for back-up purposes and getting as many doctors to back you up as you can before you apply for disability benefits..(whenever the time comes). During the 5 months I was awaiting a benefits award letter and not working, I did receive food stamp benefits and a one-time $500 loan from the state, but that was just about the extent of the help I could find when the chips were down. If it were not for my mother I would have been at the homeless shelter.

I know this isn't very encouraging and it may go without saying but, I wanted to suggest to you that you do not wait until you absolutely have to stop working altogether before you try to make arrangements for getting by while you await a disability decision.

I also want to say I don't blame you for whatever you have to do to get relief for your pain; I have fibro, chronic myofascial pain, arthritis, and bursitis in my back, neck, knees and hips.... so I can relate...I will often self-medicate and while I am not going to suggest you do that, at the same time, I support your decision to do whatever you feel is necessary to care for yourself.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Lionheart

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Lionheart777 You had your mom to fall back on, I'm glad that you did. I have no one!!!! Even when I was involved with my family, I was the one they all turned to for help, never did I go to them for help. Weird, but I was ALWAYS the one everyone turned to for help, money, strength or advice, but when I was ever in need, no one offered anything. I learned to rely on no one but myself. So, I'm now alone as I've had to remove all the toxic shit /people from my life.

Got the results from my MRI on Thursday. I have degenerative disc/facet disease in my spine. Lower is the worst and I'm bone on bone in L5, and in neck, bone on bone too. Bone spurs in abundance in both also. Bulging disc, but so far none have herniated. The arthritis is throughout my body. My knees have swelled up at times that they look like grapefruit and I've had to have them drained and steroid injections. Have it in hands, fingers, feet, ankles..... Pretty much my whole body.

I can't get any medication for pain relief. I've asked. So, I have gone back to exercising. Basically just doing back exercises, and core exercises. The pain intensified to the point that I almost went to the hospital, but pushed through as I normally do. Have to say...... I'm feeling better. The last 2 days, I've been almost pain free, with nothing more that my Mobic, and exercise. So, it might be working. At this point, I'm willling to do pretty much anything to make the pain stop.

@lostforgottensoul Honestly..... I don't know what you can do. And yes, it's f*cking scary. If I can't work, I will end up homeless. I'm not willing to go that route just yet, so I keep on working. You, I think that you need to start trying to come up with some kind of a plan now, so that if and when things start looking like shit, you have something in place to fall back on......

 

[mamachick]

I would look into income based housing like section 8 before you have to stop working. That way, if you do have to stop, you will have housing during the wait period for disability. If you have to stop working, the rent will go down to zero $. Of course you still have some utilities but would qualify for food stamps and medicaid. Like Lionheart said, sometimes the wait does not take years, particularly if you are able to prepare for it in advance by obtaining all documentation. During that time, there are agencies that will help with heat and emergencies. I know where I live, we have many places that provide food, clothing, and transportation among other things. States even provide minimal cell phone minutes.

It sure is not easy, and have known people that have used whatever resources they have to get by (getting paid to give others rides, babysitting, selling off jewelry or other possessions). Everyone I have ever met who receives food stamps sell some of them and then get food supplies through programs, just to have things like toilet paper or cigarettes. (no judgement here)The system is not designed to work well.

I get SSD, but I did not make a lot of money so my benefit is low. Finances are really tough and I get just enough alimony that I don't qualify for any benefits such as medical. (he provides medical and it is horrible) It has a huge deductible for things such as prescriptions and counseling. I pay for therapy at a discounted rate of $80 a session, so I can only afford to go once every 2 weeks and sometimes not at all. One prescription that I have to have went from $50 to $280 this month. I don't mean to sound so negative....it is just my daily reality. I am very grateful to be able to make ends meet at all. I agree with Lionheart about doing what you have to do for pain, and also to get by.