Living Next To A Battered Woman

[ladee]

We can't help people that aren't ready. So no matter what you would try to do,it won't work... you shared that she was moved out and then came back... that kind of abuse is very deep rooted. But if you have to turn up the music, then do so and try not to worry about it.. easier said than done , I know...
This is one of those powerless times in our lives where all we can do is take care of our self. We can't fix anything outside of our self.. so sending prayers for you to have some peace and prayers for the lady next door... Glad you shared tho... hopefully you got the message that we care what you are having to endure.... gentle hugs to you.

 

[Sideways]

This sounds truly awful, and I'd love to be able to offer some golden advice but beyond a word to the landlord, I'm not sure there's much left for you to do except, sadly, turn up the music...

Have other neighbours said anything to you? Or are they all just the "see no evil, hear no evil" types?

Feeling a bit useless - really sorry that this is disrupting your home, which should be a place that feels safe for you:(

 

[void]

I can hear her through the walls when she screams and he screams. I hear things breaking....

I live above a similar situation.:(
Son abusing mother.
He calls her a "fvcking C--T!"
His rage is terrifying.:nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting:
Triggers me daily.:(

btw, he is 13:wideeyed:....yes, 13.....imagine when he is stronger:wideeyed:

I just wanted to tell you I can relate:(.
You are suffering a LOT, i know:(
I don't know the answer.

I hope her husband dies.....chokes on his own tongue:mad::mad:.......oh and I'm not kidding.
I despise wife beaters.:mad:

You're in my thoughts:hug:

 

[Mafia_Science]

Call a domestic abuse hotline, and tell them your local police won't come. They could call in police from another area, or even get them in trouble for not responding. Hope things get better

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

They were at it again this morning, starting at 5:30 am. I was dreaming about my parents fighting, memories(?) of my childhood and the terror I felt when I couldn't help my mom. The. I woke up and the screaming WAS real. They were ac screaming at each other. He had locked her out and she was crying in the hallway, begging, pleading to just be let back in. When I left for work at 7 her stuff was thrown out into the hallway, strewn all over.

I've felt weird all day. I'm not sure what to do and I need a way to reframe this as present and not past. I need to stop wanting to hurt myself every time I hear them scream. But I don't know how to fix it when it is even invading my dreams.

Besides moving, what can I do? I was even running my air purifier last night, which adds white noise. They can scream well above and beyond that .... And I'm afraid that if I use ear plugs I'll just sleep through my alarm and never make it to work again.

I'm just at such a loss.

 

[ladee]

Do you have an alarm you can set on your phone and set it on vibrate? Would you feel it? And it is great that you are trying to reframe this situation, as you have limited options... I used to have upstairs neighbors that did this... But calling the police did help. Not so in your situation.. and the last thing you need is to feel powerless..
There has to be someplace and somehow to help you relocate... I know you have probably investigated all your resources...in the meantime, maybe the phone thing will work... sending you energy to hang on until this situation is resolved. And prayers for you to have some peace of mind.

 

[Sideways]

It sounds as though feeling helpless might be making an awful situation even more of a nightmare for you. Brain is starting to process "Couldn't help mum, can't help my neighbour either..."

If that's starting to happen, please try and remind yourself as often as you can that this is NOT a situation that you're responsible for fixing, just like with your mum you weren't responsible either.

Doing what you can, even if it doesn't fix things, would that give you some relief at all? When I used to see clients that I knew were having domestic issues that were outside my responsibility, I'd simply have a card ready to give them before they left, with the number of a DV helpline on it. I know she's left before and has just come back again, hut maybe one day, maybe, she'll leave and have the strength to not come back.

It can be an incredibly powerful message to someone when, just subtly, you hand them a card with a crisis number on it. Underneath the "this is NOT your business" facade, there's usually at least some amount of, "people are actually noticing this...and they think it's bad".

It's a non-confrontational way of reaching out, and saying "You deserve to get help with this...".

Some clients, I'd give them exactly the same card every time I saw them. What they do with that is beyond my control, but I've let them know "I've noticed, and I think you deserve help".

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@ladee i barely wake up in time when my alarm is on full throttle and is across the room. I'm pretty sure I would sleep right through a vibration .... But funny how I'm so attuned to conflict that I wake up immediatley from that.

I'm also not sure about relocating. I Moved three times last year. This place is the cheapest I can afford to live without roommates - and I think that living alone is really important for me at this point. Relocating seems like just as much stress as it might or might not solve.

Sorry to sound so negative. I just hate the feeling that I can't do anything to solve this.

 

[ladee]

You aren't being negative, just stating facts about your situation.. so please don't think that I or anyone else sees this as you being negative.
If you are referring to not being able to help her, I feel what @Ragdoll Circus posted was what you might try to focus on...And sometimes I will take something going on outside of me to get the focus off what I need to be doing to take care of myself. To do some healing work. Possibly this situation has been given to you to come to terms that you can not fix someone else, no matter how much it hurts you or them. I understand you concerns.. and having it up in your space all the time is hard to deal with.. But hopefully there will be some acceptance on your part, eventually ,that we can't save the world as much as our heart is that big.
Healing energy sent to you by the truckload.:hug:

 

[shimmerz]

You know, this is exactly like being in a DV situation (like, in the same house). Like being locked up in your room and not being able to go out and help. Is there perhaps a way that you can reach out to a women's outreach and ask them how you can best handle it? I know that there were a ton of groups, when I was going through this, that I learned about AFTER the fact. The women's outreach may be able to give you advice as to how to deal with it yourself. Just a thought. If she has left and come back then i am thinking she has decided this is her fate for now. There won't be much you can do for her. Just thinking out loud.

 

[Neverthesame]

@theshadowoftheliving I know this doesn't make it easier. But you are doing all you can.

Let's look at what you have done.

• Phoned police.
• Spoken with other's to find more information on what can be done to help.
• Spoken with the victim, offering help.
• Given a damn about her.

You have done more than most people would. I feel for you, I really, really do. You have done all too can, sadly this is probably going to be one of those things that isn't going to end on a happy note.

It's unfortunate Really, really f*cking tear your heart out sucks! But you can't fix it for her. Torturing yourself with it is not going to do her or you any good.

This is not a flippant message from me either. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of anything else you can do. I don't think there is anything.

If I think of anything at all, I won't hesitate to mention it, but right now. You need to focus on you, as best you can.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Hi. I have the same issue. It triggers PTSD from childhood and a DV situation I left about a year ago. Someone suggested a white noise machine. I plan on trying it. I also get why calling law enforcement is a concern of making it worse. I hope you find something that helps. I will let you know if I find something to help. Can you let me know if you find something that helps? Thanks