Living With C-ptsd

[Alittlebitdown]

I don't want to sound like a pathetic idiot, but does anyone else struggle with the idea of the rest of your life being crippled with this disorder? I feel so stupid but I can't tell my family or my T I'm still suicidal and SI-ing because a) I don't want to hurt my family and b) I don't want to stop or be stopped. I mean I can't hold down a job and I'm a burden, I push everyone away... how is life a good incentive when it's this bad?
However I know that I need to get better... and to get better I need to stop. I trust my T enough to tell her about the cause of my issues but not the suicidal thoughts...also struggling with my T and wavering on if she's right for me.

 

[Kintsugi]

If your T knows that you have PTSD from complex trauma, chances are, she won't be shocked to hear you suffer from suicidal ideation.

Just remember, where you are right now with your symptoms isn't a static place you have to be forever. Symptoms management is a constant battle, but the symptoms themselves don't have to run your life ceaselessly and forever.

 

[Anarchy]

Welcome to the forum!

It's not a lifelong problem.

Regardless of what DSMs ICDs and people with big strings of letters before and after their names say, people people really do recover.

I guess that one of the self fulfilling implications of the idea that trauma is a life sentence...

Is that a state monopoly system like the NHS, takes our money, but refuses to devote it to therapies that help, because the prevailing idea is that trauma is a life sentence... Like I say, the idea is self fulfilling.

You're not a burden, you are someone who has been hurt!

Incidentally, "normal" people over attribute positive outcomes to themselves
Depressed people tend to under attribute positive outcomes and over attribute negative outcomes to themselves

You are probably seeing yourself and the world through the shite coloured glasses of the mood that you are currently in.

There are ways to work through that. See if you can find the audio book of "the mindful way through depression" it shows up from time to time on YouTube and video. You can also get it from Amazon, iTunes, the library etc. And you can get the dead tree version from the library.
It works!

 

[DharmaGirl]

I did a lot, and now occasionally do. What has changed for me is that I realized that the life I had before, one that I loved, had more than enough money, and was respected, was over. I had to find a new life where I had things I enjoyed doing and made me feel worthwhile. I have always had a veggie garden, but I made it a lot bigger so I could put up veggies for the winter and give back to the food bank. That gave me a sense of self worth. My son built me a chicken coop for his senior project, and I found that I love my chickens. They follow me around like little dogs. I have several different breeds and they are all beautiful. They each have their own personality and they give me lots of blue, green, brown and pink eggs. I started a cottage garden where I grow herbs and flowers. I would buy discount perennials that were mostly dead, plant them knowing that they would come up the following year.

I started looking at Craigslist, where I pick up free furniture and turn it into something beautiful and useful. I make my own chalk paint. All these things come together to give me a sense of usefulness and self-worth. I can't work, but I can do all these other things because there is no deadline and my son helps.

I hope you can find new things that bring you happiness in your life. It doesn't have to be big, or expensive, it just has to be something you like. One thing at a time.

 

[ladee]

We do get to a place That is calmer..positive..and we are so gratteful we didn't act on the SI.
Share with your T. Then you will know if they are right for.you. They can't guide us if they don't know.
Everything changes.
Hope for you!

 

[Ronin]

does anyone else struggle with the idea of the rest of your life being crippled with this disorder?

That requires being able to imagine there /is/ a life, much less 'the rest of it', too much future planning...

Without half-serious quips, yes. You're not alone. And future is a very long time; it /will/ get better. One step a time, is good enough.

 

[Friday]

There's a phrase heard in addiction circles I borrowed a long time ago; Willing to become willing.

I bring it out when I am flat out unwilling to do something I want to or need to. And work on that. On willing to become willing.

 

[Alittlebitdown]

Welcome to the forum!

It's not a lifelong problem.

Regardless of what DSMs ICDs and people with big s...

Thanks for your help and the recommendation for the self help recording!

 

[Alittlebitdown]

I did a lot, and now occasionally do. What has changed for me is that I realized that the life I had...

Thanks for the lovely look into your life! It sounds wonderful and very peaceful... the perfect antidote to PTSD! I suppose long term projects like gardening help you hold on to the end of the project...by which time life could feel very different.
Thanks so much

 

[Alittlebitdown]

We do get to a place That is calmer..positive..and we are so gratteful we didn't act on the SI.
Share wit...

Thanks for the advice! I'll try harder to share this issue, it's true that no one can help if they don't know of the problem!

 

[Alittlebitdown]

There's a phrase heard in addiction circles I borrowed a long time ago; Willing to become willing.

I b...

I like the idea of that!
Thanks for your help and advice!

 

[ladee]

Just wanted to say it is great to read you being open minded and willing to try. Very inspiring to read wanting to get on with this healing journey.
You are not alone!
Gentle hugs if you accept.