Sufferer Living With Ptsd, Writing Through The Memories

[pepper_e]

Hello, and salutations.

I guess it goes without saying that I have PTSD, why else would I be here. I spent years fighting it the only way I knew how, to power through it with reckless, directionless intent. I hurt people along the way, and destroyed myself. I spent time in the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. I have worked in the fields and the companies I have wanted, only to ruin my life and end up literally homeless living under a bridge. I have let frustration, and rage and self-inflicted emotional torment tear my life apart.

Now I have taken back control, and I am writing through everything. The things I can not put a voice to, I am putting in words for others to read. It is terrifying most days for strangers to learn about me on a deeper, personal level. But as I see the loved ones around me respond to it, I know I am doing the right thing. For them, and for myself.

I may not be perfect, but I know I am perfect at being me. And if I can't fix myself, or love myself, then how can I expect others to do it for me.

I hope this is a good introduction, I am not very good at this kind of thing.

PS- I put sufferer, because deep down we all suffer in one form or the other. I am just tired of it, and I would like to think that I am on the road to recovery (even if I am not, I believe a mindset that thinks you are, makes it so).

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Hi, @pepper_e ! I am here, and don't have a diagnosis of PTSD though many of the symptoms. I first came to this site looking for a place to get further insight into my relationship with my man who is a sufferer/survivor-to-thriver and to find ways to better LOVE him. (using "love" as a verb, here)

I tried my hand at an intro, and got completely blocked, so kudos for posting! I can "reply" to a thread easily enough, but have the darndest time trying to START one! :D

Writing through things is a HUGE help. This has been good for both me AND my man in our respective struggles. Something about it helps me put my thoughts out in the open where I can almost visually organize them, analyze them, and it's like it can be separate from the "feelings" when I'm otherwise just spinning around inside my own head.

You ARE on the road to recovery! I believe ANYONE who has taken steps to post here, at a MINIMUM is on the right road - looking for answers - not giving up - believing that there is a GOOD life we can in fact GET to if we just keep fighting the GOOD fight. ;)

My man has had several periods in his life when he's been homeless, too. The homelessness was a LESSER evil than some of the abuse he was suffering, so it was part of his story that SAVED him .. God bless the broken road that led us this far, no? :)

:hug: if you accept them!

~S2B

 

[pepper_e]

Thank you for your kind words, and I am glad to hear that you and your man are on the same road. It is always comforting to see fellow travelers on the roads we take in life.

Writing may be a huge help, but so far I have just started to crawl. I have yet to get my legs under me and run away with it. I still get the separated feeling while I write. That feeling that allows me to distance myself from all the turmoil and chaos. But if I am interrupted, I am thrown face first into it, and forced to confront it. So I am on the right road, I just have to shift into the right gear now, and chose a lane lol

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I guess it goes without saying that I have Link Removed, why else would I be here. I spent years fighting it the only way I knew how, to power through it with reckless, directionless intent. I hurt people along the way, and destroyed myself. I spent time in the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. I have worked in the fields and the companies I have wanted, only to ruin my life and end up literally homeless living under a bridge. I have let frustration, and rage and self-inflicted emotional torment tear my life apart.

Ditto, my personal issues went un-diagnosed for 22 years, and I destroyed my family, career and entire life, I ended up sleeping in shop doorway.

Welcome @pepper_e to the forum and I wish you every success in your personal recovery journey

Sending :hug:s from the UK if you accept them.

Laurie

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Welcome. Ditto too, I ruined my life , my children's lives Eventhough they are grown up now, I live and continue to live with guilt. Well done fir rebuilding your life I know how hard that is because I've been down that road. A massive achievement u should be proud.
I too rebuilt my life, it's taken 15 years , I have cptsd and have learnt to live with it on a daily basis . I hope life treats you with the dignity, love and peace you deserve.
I really enjoyed reading your post , it was beautifully written and I'm sure everyone who reads it will truly understand what you went through, and appreciate such honesty. Thankyou x

 

[pepper_e]

Thank you, everyone, for the warm and delightful welcome. Your words are encouraging and uplifting.

 

[intothelight]

I believe a mindset that thinks you are, makes it so).

Welcome and I couldn't agree more.