Lonely For Christmas

[nimkekaa]

Maybe those who will be alone could plan to chat via this forum on Christmas Day and other days, so not to feel completely alone and support each other.

Great idea!

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi droppingrain, welcome to you. :)

I myself don't know how I'll feel. I don't really know for certain even day by day. I know only I have a choice to concentrate on certain things, and not on others. And, though very very difficult, to push down the ptsd-related part (which is hard to seperate).

You can always give, even if it isn't specifically family and friends.

What about doing entirely different things, things you don't *normally* associate with Christmas? A glass of wine in a bubble bath, some nice music, a walk or to come 'here'. Many can understand how you feel, whether alone or with loved ones.

I wish you peace. :hug: 's , if that's ok.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I will be thinking of you on Christmas day. I hope you have activities planned so you will be comfortable and cozy by yourself. You can always come on the forum. That will help. I wish for you some good distractions and diversions to help you pass the time. Hugs.

 

[KatB]

Christmas and New Years( holiday season) has become the most difficult and heart-wrentching time of year for me. This year, my PTSD became full-blown and a lot of strong/raw emotions have come to the surface, really jumbled altogether. I dont think I am gonna spend it with the "home"family. I've found it very hard to just know what I want to do. I have no idea.

Maybe be earlier than my parents and stay for a while? Sounds like an idea...

 

[therapybankrupt]

Hi Dropping!

I am sorry you are lonely. I only went through that for one year. You know what? I went out the next year and bought myself some gifts to open on Christmas day. They were not expensive. A bunch of little things. Candy bars, gum and things from the dollar store. :tup: I have found it is cost effective to shop all year long!

I wrapped the items purchased in tissue paper. Then would sign the gift tags made out of paper from my dog and Santa. I love telling people what my dog bought for me.:D

I always buy a new pair of holiday pajamas or nightgown to be opened on Christmas eve. The big box stores have them really cheap the day before Christmas. I would feel so festive when I woke up Christmas morning. ;)

Of course I wrapped a gift for my faithful pet. Sometimes it was only a couple treats in a baggie. Other years he got things fit for a king! He is a King Charles Caviler after all. He loves tearing up the paper and is so much fun to watch. Maybe your bird would like and apple for a Christmas gift?:woot:

I also bought and donated an item to the needy. At first it was a couple of canned goods for a pantry. Now if I can afford it I buy for a person I know needs the extra help. Sometimes it has been a neighbor and other times for a family members down on their luck.

I was lucky enough to be invited by someone that didnt want me to be alone for dinner. I really wanted to volunteer at a soup kitchen on Christmas. May be some day I will do that. These days I have Christmas with my brother and his children. I rely on myself to make the best of the holidays. I wish you the best for your holiday's

TB

 

[droppingrain]

Thanks for the responses everyone! I think I will linger around the chat and the forums on christmas. I am donating blood platelets today, one of the only things that I know I can give without spending on a tight budget. ;) I know it'll help someone somewhere, at least more than one person too! I know it takes more than an hour so I better prepare something now to do to entertain myself, maybe I can sleep through it? haha. Probably not. I've always been afraid of needles, I used to nearly pass out seeing my blood drawn which is why I originally started giving blood to desensitize myself to the sight of my own blood. Which is exposure therapy in a way, I suppose.

I plan to buy some things for my love bird. I guess I could go ahead and wrap myself some gifts too. Not even sure what I want. :confused:

I have a tendency to watch a lot of children's movies that I seen as a kid around the holidays and then I just end up in tears wishing I had a prince charming. Never forgetting that not so long ago was a harsh break up of a long relationship. Maybe I'm not ready for a prince charming really, but like my lovebird I want companionship that is fulfilling. When I was with my x I felt how some of you feel now, even though you had people around you, you still felt alone and isolated. That's how I knew that even though it was a harsh break up it was for the best.

I guess I get notoriously romantic in thoughts during the holiday season, and being single makes me goofy as ever, watching romantic movies which end up making me cry and even more lonesome! Maybe I should stick to comedies. Laughter is the best medicine. (and klonopin- in my case, hehe)

Once again thanks for the responses and I think I'll linger around the chat during christmas to see if anyone else too is spending it alone looking to chat.
All we can do is be strong and carry on.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You have a good attitude. I think it is good that you have a plan. I do not think you are being goofy at all. I think you are being yourself. I hope there will be people in chat for you to talk to. It is almost over. Then things will be back to normal. Hugs.

 

[mamachick]

I agree with Gizmo, you have a good attitude. I feel much like you. My daughter is home for the holidays, but out shopping with her dad today, pro football game tomorrow, and dinner with him on christmas. Since I have no money, I have no shopping to do. I ran out of my anti depression meds about 4 days ago so my depression and that facial numbness is setting in. No money til January.

The depression has been very prominant, as lonliness at christmas since I was asaulted in my home days before christmas 4 years ago. I have an invite to friends tonight, and one for christmas eve, but I wont go. Both event will include alcohol, and I know that is the worst thing for me right now.

I am allowing myself to go ahead a feel what I am feeling-I dont like it though. I have not even been able to care for my dogs as they are accustome to. I guess that is the great thing about dogs, they love me anyway. I will make the lack of attention up to them eventually.

I will see you on here on Christmas I hope, and we can chat if you like.

Brat

 

[Bosco2153]

I don't drive. Today is my husband's only day off. I have yet to bring our little live tree inside, or to go get the crisp 20 dollar bills for the grandkids...or the birthday present for my daughter whose birthday was yesterday. I'm still unbathed and rocking with anxiety over going out to the stores. I feel like a big ball of depressing goo. Today is the only day because my husband works tomorrow. I can barely stand the idea of going out....

 

[mamachick]

Im sorry for all the pain, lonliness, fear, poverty, and other issues that raise their ugly head at Christmas time for others, and for myself. We are in this together on some level. We are not alone. Im not a big prayer, but you are all in my heart.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks brat, it will soon be over.

I think the loneliness comes from people who don't really get it, and ultimately are just different from us. I think it's lonelier to be surrounded by people with all their families and all that. But then I thought, beyond what is inescapable (like work), why put myself in that situation? I'm always pushing through, or pushing out of my comfort zone. Why? I don't belong there, why do things that make me feel worse? :confused:

(((((Hugs!))))), :hug: .

 

[mamachick]

I can only speak for myself, but my list is this.
1. I was assaulted by a police offier dec 16 2008, which set ptsd in motion
2. I was menopausal
3. I was in process of divorce and feeling guilty for needing out
4. I was adjusting to empty nest (which I dont think I ever really accomplished)
5. I was suffering physically from an accident 2 yr prior to assault.
6. I was financially broke and unemployed on disability (very little income)

I think the ptsd on top of all the other stuff left a permenant print on my brain. I have all these memories of my childrens childhood while married, not wealthy, but being able to afford to bake cookies, have a nice meal, buy gifts, participate in kids school programs, decorate house, make ornaments, have many guests and attend others, going christmas caroling with other families, making ornaments with my kids, taking each shopping for their siblings, etc.

As they grew older, things change, add illness, divorce, loss of income, menopause, etc and it was hard to keep pushing to make it memorable. After the assault, that year, we had NO Christmas and my daughter watched me disintegrate until I overdosed and was in ICU after xmas. Now, I dont want to get out of bed as soon as I see all the lights and feel it in the air.

I would guess we all have some reason that makes it bad for us. Be it childhood memories (which mine were bad), and now my view of myself is as bad as my view of my mothers when it came to doing nothing for holidays. All the years of doing things with my children mostly, with others and for others, seems to belong to another woman, not I , and I cant find her.