It feels a bit strange to be writing here. I'm hoping maybe a community will help. I suppose, let's start with the positive: I started therapy in the last year and have made some great progress. I moved faaaaaaar away from where my traumas and... Abusers were, which helped. Starting a new life gave me some time to breathe and start wrapping my head around things. And I'm in my first happy, committed, healthy relationship with a great guy.
I've never seen it until recently, but... A trigger warning is probably warranted here.
On to the rough patch: my boyfriend, while great, just can't really grasp why therapy can be so hard for me. He's supportive, but it's a lot to handle and I try to not dump other people's mistakes on him. I was perpetually emotionally abused as a child. It was like having my parents take a cheese-grater to my skin daily, only I have no physical scars to prove it. Then I was sexually assaulted in high school by a guy I knew (I actually had a crush on him, go figure). Because of my rather strained & unhealthy relationship with my parents, they still have no knowledge of the rape. I spent my next few years in college trying to handle all of the flashbacks, panic attacks, etc on my own while working 5 jobs to support myself & studying music full time. Eventually, I had to admit to myself that I was miserable. I told my parents I was leaving the state... And naturally, it was one of the most cruel experiences of my life. A friend carried me, sobbing, back to the car & my apartment.
I now own my own business, working on launching another. I have a great life, but finally digging through years of neatly boxed-up emotions, memories, etc is harder than I ever expected. I have some good friends, and I've been trying to reach out & keep caring people around me, but this part never seems to be something they understand or are ready for. And since I run a business by myself right now, I don't have co-workers around.
I'm lonely. At least my dog loves me, even when I cry. I'm tired. And I hope everyone's having a good night. Props/big thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.
I've never seen it until recently, but... A trigger warning is probably warranted here.
On to the rough patch: my boyfriend, while great, just can't really grasp why therapy can be so hard for me. He's supportive, but it's a lot to handle and I try to not dump other people's mistakes on him. I was perpetually emotionally abused as a child. It was like having my parents take a cheese-grater to my skin daily, only I have no physical scars to prove it. Then I was sexually assaulted in high school by a guy I knew (I actually had a crush on him, go figure). Because of my rather strained & unhealthy relationship with my parents, they still have no knowledge of the rape. I spent my next few years in college trying to handle all of the flashbacks, panic attacks, etc on my own while working 5 jobs to support myself & studying music full time. Eventually, I had to admit to myself that I was miserable. I told my parents I was leaving the state... And naturally, it was one of the most cruel experiences of my life. A friend carried me, sobbing, back to the car & my apartment.
I now own my own business, working on launching another. I have a great life, but finally digging through years of neatly boxed-up emotions, memories, etc is harder than I ever expected. I have some good friends, and I've been trying to reach out & keep caring people around me, but this part never seems to be something they understand or are ready for. And since I run a business by myself right now, I don't have co-workers around.
I'm lonely. At least my dog loves me, even when I cry. I'm tired. And I hope everyone's having a good night. Props/big thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.
