Sorry folks. My work schedule was super busy and I’m just getting to my messages. Yes, as Friday notes, it’s a bloody mess and so stressful. Knowing now that I’m going to have a surveillance camera on the gate, I only need 3 acts of tampering to get a Protection Order. They’re coming Tuesday to install it. I was concerned that she comes down when it’s dark and she knows I’m in bed because she can see into my unit. Annie barks and sometimes she’s too slow and I can yell at her. The camera will
Work in the dark. I wish I had thought of this a long time ago.
So the daughter is pulling at my heartstrings. They put so much time and sweat fixing up the house they bought, and it’s going to be torn down and hauled away. That’s got to suck, no matter who it happens to. She’s overwhelmed, I can’t ignore her, it’s my mommy instinct. I keep it brief. As I’ve said, she has symptoms of PTSD, or what do they call it? Vicarious traumatization? I don’t think I’m using the right word, but what I mean is she witnessed her mom get deathly ill. I was so broken down I cut myself quite a bit during that time and she found me overdosed and cut and that must have been terrifying for her. It doesn’t give her the right to assasinate my character though. She wasn’t like this until I got sick. We were very close and loving and I filled her life with adventure.
@lostforgottensoul thank you for the book links. I hope she’ll come see my therapist again. He is so gifted about trauma and he always encourages me to do bodywork. Have any of you ever read “The Body Keeps the Score” it was too triggering for me, but I called the author he’s a shrink in Boston and I wanted to have him as my doctor. He answered his own phone!!! Very cool dude. We talked for about a half hour. He said I’m too far away and he doesn’t have patients outside of the Trauma Center in Brookline. Even there he is running the place and teaching the therapists. Bessel Van Der Kolk. Anybody in the US ever heard of the Kripalu Institute? It’s a Buddhist ashram in western Massachusetts. It has evolved into a sort of Mecca for trauma sufferers. If you’ve got $1200.00 to pay for a three day seminar, they have people like him and Tara Brach teaching mindfulness meditation and there are yoga sessions, organic vegetarian food and private rooms. One of these days I hope to go.
So I’m feeling more stable. I’ve been landscaping the building my office is in and my landlord is paying for it. It’s looking good. I have more planting tomorrow, this morning I dug up a maple sapling that took root and nobody ever got rid of it. Fortunately, it was easy to dig up. When I’m up to my elbows in the dirt and tending plants, that’s my safe place.
