Looking For Quotes

[sun seeker]

I am so badly hurt, I know I can never come back from this. Ever. Talk about black and white thinking all you want, but it is true.

 

[watundah]

You are OK to cut him loose. There are better options. You certainly deserve better. I hate to consider he may assume he could do what he wants and you won't leave.

 

[sun seeker]

No, there truly are no better options. I know that for sure. This is the end of the road for me.

 

[Suzetig]

I guess I would tell him, in words of one syllable if necessary, that I need him to not promise what he can't deliver. No reasons or excuses or apologies just that if he says he'll do "x" that's what I expect, nothing more or less. If he can't hear you, all the research, evidence, paperwork in the world won't change him and you need to decide whether that's ok for you it not.

 

[sun seeker]

I can do that. If nothing changes, I have no idea what I can do. As I say, this is the end of the road. No more hope is available. Zero.

 

[joeylittle]

@sun seeker - I'm skipping to the end to post, only having skimmed the thread. So forgive me if I'm repeating.

I would remind him of the Code of Ethics for Canadian Psychologists. This is from section II:

A basic ethical expectation of any discipline is that its activities will benefit members of society or, at least, do no harm. Therefore, psychologists demonstrate an active concern for the welfare of any individual, family, group, or community with whom they relate in their role as psychologists...However, as with Principle I, psychologists’ greatest responsibility is to protect the welfare of those in the most vulnerable position. Normally, persons directly involved in their activities (e.g., research participants, clients, students) are in such a position...Responsible caring leads psychologists to take care to discern the potential harm and benefits involved, to predict the likelihood of their occurrence, to proceed only if the potential benefits outweigh the potential harms, to develop and use methods that will minimize harms and maximize benefits, and to take responsibility for correcting clearly harmful effects that have occurred as a direct result of their research, teaching, practice, or business activities.

In order to carry out these steps, psychologists recognize the need for competence and self-knowledge. They consider incompetent action to be unethical per se, as it is unlikely to be of benefit and likely to be harmful. They engage only in those activities in which they have competence or for which they are receiving supervision, and they perform their activities as competently as possible... They also engage in self-reflection regarding how their own values, attitudes, experiences, and social context (e.g., culture, ethnicity, colour, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, physical and mental abilities, age, and socio-economic status) influence their actions, interpretations, choices, and recommendations. This is done with the intent of increasing the probability that their activities will benefit and not harm the individuals, families, groups, and communities to whom they relate in their role as psychologists. Psychologists define harm and benefit in terms of both physical and psychological dimensions. They are concerned about such factors as: social, family, and community relationships; personal and cultural identity; feelings of self-worth, fear, humiliation, interpersonal trust, and cynicism; self-knowledge and general knowledge; and, such factors as physical safety, comfort, pain, and injury. They are concerned about immediate, short-term, and long-term effects.

http://www.cpa.ca/docs/File/Ethics/cpa_code_2000_eng_jp_jan2014.pdf

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks @joeylittle. That's the kind of thing I was looking for.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@sun seeker. First, I want to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. Any therapist - and a trauma therapist especially - should understand the importance of keeping one's word. My GP is like this. In fact, a couple of years ago, she forgot to read my ecg results, causing me a week in icu before I was stable enough for a procedure. She has prescribed the wrong drugs a couple of thy times, as well.

We had a talk recently. I told her that I couldn't trust her to provide me with competent care, and asked her to refer me to a different GP. That seemed to open her eyes. She apologized - sincerely - and we haven't had a problem since.

In retrospect, I can see that she was rarely *present* during my appointments. It sounds like your therapist might have the same problem. Regardless, his behaviour is unprofessional and is damaging. I would tell him straight that I need him to take our appointments more seriously.

Good luck with it. Keep us posted, ok?

 

[sun seeker]

I've been keeping a running commentary by e-mail until he gets back (Monday, I think). Every time I think of it, I add another e-mail, no holds barred, telling him how I am feeling. I am doing this because he seems to have the idea that no matter how bad things feel, it is transient. I may have a hundred e-mails between now and when he gets back all telling him some version of the agony I am living in. Perhaps if he sees that, he will understand what I've been saying. He may also get fed up with it, but I don't know what else to do to get my point across.

 

[sun seeker]

In retrospect, I can see that she was rarely *present* during my appointments. It sounds like your therapist might have the same problem.

Usually, he is. It's in between that he has trouble being present. He makes commitments and forgets about them, double books himself, etc. Once he actually shows up he is usually right there.

And yes, no one should have had to go through the experience you went through!

 

[sun seeker]

double books himself

With other commitments... not, as far as I know, with other clients. Hmm. He has a program that reminds him of his appointments. Looks like he needs one for keeping track of the rest of his life. Anyone know of any?

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@sunseeker. It really wasn't so bad. My husband told me afterwards that the time I spent in icu, was the only time he's ever seen me relaxed. It helped that my kids brought me Tim's a couple of times a day. ;)