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[Deleted member 33052]

With other commitments... not, as far as I know, with other clients. Hmm. He has a program that re...

How about a mindfulness app? :)

 

[watundah]

It bothers me that you see this as the end of the line. I understand how frustrating it is to try to keep up your end of the commitment, to want help, to want to get better and then struggle with someone who at times may be the most important person in your life. But YOU deserve someone who is committed to you, please do not let him drive you away from recovery.

 

[sun seeker]

It would take more explaining than I have energy for, and it would be a story worthy of science fiction... but this truly is the end of the line. I mean that, and for very good reason.

 

[sun seeker]

What may not be obvious is that EVERYONE in my life who I've thought was going to help me, has given up on me. Freaking everyone. I am extremely hard to help. He is the one person who seems to have it in him... but he's hurting me. When I say I'm not trying again, I'm not trying again.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Umm...we are trying to help you. Just sayin'...

Sun seeker, I'm learning that you can't depend on others to meet your needs. You have to learn how to meet them yourself. When you do that, you're able to relate to people on your terms.

If this sounds harsh, I'm sorry. I don't mean it to be. Really, it's just food for thought.

 

[sun seeker]

I hear you are trying to help me. I'm not being contrary, just honest. If this falls through, I will never try again.

 

[sun seeker]

I am going through some old posts to tie up loose ends, and want to add an addendum to this one.

When I posted this, I was in a horrible state (probably obvious). I said some things I am sorry I said, though they were true at the time. I want to put an update here, both for the sake of my own integrity and for anyone who may be reading this because they are going through a similar situation.

We really did resolve this problem, with a lot of work on both our parts. Even when things are this badly broken, where there is mutual willingness, there is hope. Is it perfect? Not really. I can still be triggered in major ways, and he is still not as consistent as I would like. But he has made a huge effort, worked on the issues that were getting in the way, fixes things each time he slips up, and is doing much better at accommodating my needs. I know that whatever comes up, we will work it out, and that is gradually expanding to trust more in other areas of my life.

I have trust issues because of a long history going back decades. Through working on this issue with my therapist, I am gradually learning how to trust again. He's a good guy, and there is hope.