Looking For Support From Those Who Understand And Dont Judge

[JillyB]

Hello,
I am new here. This is my first posting. I am hoping very much to find some sort of support from people who understand and won't judge me.
I have had ptsd for the better part of my life due to repeated childhood sexual molestation including being kidnapped out of my front yard as an 8 year old.
Mostly mine manifests itself in the form of depression, hyper-vigilence and not being able to keep a job. (among the other assorted bits and pieces that make up the jigsaw puzzle of how and who I am.)
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Jilly, and I am fifty years old.

 

[purplejaz]

Welcome Jilly...I hope you find what you need in this forum...at least we are not suffering alone. Good luck.
Jaz

 

[nie]

Welcome Jilly. There is a lot of great information here. I hope you find it a help!

 

[jefferylee]

Welcome JillieB...I'm JefferyleeB :)

You came to the right place for understanding from a group of non-jugmental,good people.You'll find lots of us here w/ depression,hyper-vigilence,and a whole host of other wonderful symptoms ...aahh,to be 50 again...you are soooo lucky!

Peace amd Hope...jefferylee

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum.....

 

[Big Shirley]

Welcome to the forum.....I am new here too.....suffering from ptsd for about 15 years...due to childhood sexual abuse...rape and torture....you are not alone and would love to be a help to you

 

[TLight]

Welcome Jilly! Glad you are here..........we do understand.

 

[JillyB]

Thank you everyone for your welcoming comments.
I am hoping it gets easier to come here. I've been in and try to read other's posts to see how folks are coping and growing. Honestly, it has been very difficult. It seems reading in here pulls up so much much emotion in me I usually end up with symptoms, stomache aches, tears, shaking, anger, extreme sadness. Does anyone else have difficulty, and does it get easier?
Anyway, I hope to post more and maybe even chat with folks eventually. I wish good thoughts for you all, as I do understand the pain.

All for now,

Jilly B

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Welcome Jilly - we understand and I have never had anyone judge me here - it's quite a relief to be honest. Take care of yourself as you start your recovery.

 

[Manic11]

Welcome Jilly! :hello:

Yep. You've come to the right place. Lots of support and no judgment aloud. We're all our own people, with our own pasts and our own way of dealing with things. But together, everyone makes for amazing supporters!

I wish you the best!

Manic

 

[Grama-Herc]

Welcome

:hello: I hope you find the forum as helpful as I have. Lots of us have lots of "stuff" so there is always going to be someone who knows and understands

 

[JillyB]

So, this will be my 3rd post, (I think...) I guess I'll dive right in as is my nature. Honestly I can't remember the first time I was molested. I was little. Sometimes I look at little children and think, Oh crap! I was that little and innocent when I was being abused. At that point all I desire is to be a little child and know what it's like to be "normal".

My oldest brother was the preditor in our home and later I went through years of anger at my parents for not keeping me safe. He was sadistic and sneaky. My dad had a temper and my brother liked to blame anything and everything on the other children in the house. There were 5 of us altogether. I remember once being held down by the back of the neck and being beaten quite severely with a wooden paddle for something my brother did and blamed on me. It hurt so bad and I was so frightened I wet my pants.

When I was 8, I was kidnapped out of my front yard and the guy took my to his apt. on the 3rd floor. I have no recollection of what happened there. Only that I fought hard not to be pulled into the maindoors on the bottom floor. Then I remember he was smoking a cigarette and kept saying he would let me go when he was done. I was looking out the 3rd story window and thinking I could jump. There was a cement fence/wall in the back and I remember thinking that if I jumped I would hit that wall. A man started banging on the door of this guys apt. (we lived in Japan) so it was all in Japanese. The other guy came in and was very agitated and told me to go home. When I went down to the bottom floor to retreive my rainboots it was dark outside.

I ran home. Nobody asked where I had been, nobody had come looking for me. I was sent to bed with out dinner for being late. That's alot condensed into a short piece. That's all I can write for now as my palms are very sweaty and I'm starting to shake.
Peace, Jilly B