Relationship Looking Through My Phone

[Snowflakes]

Mine has gone through my phone. The last time she did, she admitted it and apologized. She tells me it now requires a lot of will power on her part to stay out of my phone but she is trying.

Since I do not cheat nor lie, I have nothing to hide on my phone so I have told her that I didn't care if she looked at my phone. I don't even lock it. She can read my emails or texts for all I care. I think this is what @Friday talked about.

However, I think the violation is trust. By that, I mean, I asked her: Do you trust me? She said yes. Why do you need to look at my phone? Because others in my past abused and cheated on my. Have I abused and cheated on you? No

I agree with @TheMinsterman that there is a boundary that can be crossed that could be breakup worthy. My boundary is cheating. I cheat, she needs to leave me. She cheats, I will leave her. It's a boundary we have talked about and set a long time ago. The act of cheating isn't the issue, the loss of trust is the issue. Cheating and trust go hand in hand.

So looking at my phone is a trust issue, not a privacy issue for me and that was the basis of our conversation. Yes, your CPTSD causes you to have trust issues but your issues are with your past, not me. I've set a boundary. Although my life is an open book to you so I don't care if you look at my phone, find another reason to look at my phone other than because you don't trust me. If you don't trust me, that is the first step to one of us walking out the door.

Will this solve this issue and help her heal? I hope and pray it does.

 

[boodle]

Mine has gone through my phone. The last time she did, she admitted it and apologized. She tells me...

I agree with @Snowflakes
Although I was an open book, my ex for some reason suddenly told me she had been checking up on my financial affairs and my business affairs. She accused me of not being who I said I was and said she had been fooled by me. This came out of the blue to me.

They have trust issues, they want to validate their trust issues. Finding nothing on the phone will not always satisfy them. They will sometimes keep looking.

 

[Meeks]

I'm new. I actually just found this forum my boyfriend who has PTSD got upset with me again today and I was trying to figure out when PTSD is just abuse they are getting away with. Which I honestly don't feel really hopeful about my relationship right now.

Anyway, I never had an issue with my boyfriend going through my phone because I would not cheat on him or disrespect him. I thought it would if anything help him see how loyal, committed I am to him. He went through my phone the first time while I was asleep. I had fallen asleep in his arms and happy and woke up alone and into absolute hell. He ended up kicking me out at 3am after he kicked a fan that was beside of me and told me I had better leave before he stopped being able to control himself It turns out he had read a Facebook message I received from some guy (my relationship was a month or two old when this guy messaged me, and my boyfriend read the message about 6 months into our relationship. So months had past) who during the G rated conversation told me he thought I was pretty. I ignored his statement and ended the conversation but my boyfriend got irate over the fact I didn't tell the guy I was in a relationship. Note: I also did not have any further contact with that guy. My boyfriend also didn't tell me why he was upset. It took days of going through messages on my phone and Facebook to figure out how I had betrayed him and after he hinted it was over a conversation he read on my phone. That upset me the most. The fact he couldn't tell me what was wrong other than I was a liar and a cheater and insert all other insults that go along. He then wouldn't let me explain or talk about it after I discovered what my offense was. Since then I've woken up 3 more times the same way and once he even took off with my car and phone late at night while I was asleep, logged onto my Facebook (that I had suspended due to him posting vulgar things about me on my and his wall during another episode. He deleted his Facebook after that and I suspended mine) downloaded messanger and then posed as me and messaged my friends trying to find dirt on me by telling them (as me once again) "I just cheated on [insert my boyfriends name], I don't know what to do". The ones that replied were shocked and said stuff like "I don't understand that doesn't sound like something you would do. What happened". It was bad also because due to his PTSD and him getting upset if I meantioned anything about him or my relationship to anyone, he would get extremely angry and had told me I am never to talk about ANYTHING dealing with him to ANYONE, I had cut ties with everyone I know a few months before he posed as me and started contacting my friends out of the blue. I'm sorry if I'm writing this confusingly, I'm in the next room and I keep getting paranoid he will come in and see me typing and that it will escalate the already bad episode. I also stopped talking to everyone I know because he told me during an episode that a mutual friend was reporting back to him and he knew about how I had cheated and what a liar I am. So I figured if I stopped talking to everyone, then he couldn't play like that. I have caught on to his games. He will tell me stuff like "I already know , why don't you just come clean" along with other little lies like telling me he had thrown all stuff away and I had better come get it out of the trash before it got picked up in the morning if I wanted my stuff, only for me to race over to our house (we moved in together about 6 months ago) and then he got upset that I came back (he kicked me out the night before) and that I woke him up trying to quietly pack my more important things up after seeing they weren't in the trash yet. He has even told me that cheated on me (eventhough he didn't) just to see if I would admit to cheating on him, which I haven't done.

It can honestly be a nightmare sometimes. Other times things are totally different and everything is honestly perfect. I know after he got out of the army, his first relationship 5 months after he returned home, was terrible and that she had cheated on him constantly and had truly been the most disrespectful and vile human anyone could be. I know this has only added to his PTSD and I have tried to be understanding and accommodating and supportive, but sometimes it feels like no matter how good I am, no matter how pure and loyal and honest, if he wants to find something wrong with me, he will. No matter how tiny.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Meeks, that sounds like a whole barrel of issues... I wouldn't be quick to blame the PTSD for that.