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Losing Time

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I had an odd experience earlier this week. I'm not sure if it would be considered dissociation or something else. The following day I went to send my boyfriend a message on the social media when I discovered I had sent him two messages early in the morning of which I had utterly no recollection of. The spelling was correct but the pet name used for my boyfriend was nothing I'd ever used for him and to me it wasn't something I'd have normally said. I also commented on a status he put and my reply made utterly no sense at all. To black out and be capable of doing things during it scares me. It makes me wonder what other things could I do and not have memory of.
 
I lose time often. My memory is horrible. I will start driving and forget where I am going and what I am doing. A fight will start with my boyfriend and last for the day and hours and hours he will end up hold me so that I'm not knocking him out. I will be me, totally me for a week or so ( I have bi polar too, and one thing will cause me to snap, and Ill lose evrything. I will have no memory and it worries me. Someone said coffee helps them, it helps me too, the smell, when I come to, I am usually shaking and balled up in a corner so tight that my muscles wont un contract. Its a horrible feeling. He says I scream the whole time. Usually when something bad is going to happen, the day of or the day before, I can't think right or do anything productive, and the left side of my head will hurt really bad and I wont feel well... Its horrible.
 
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