LongroadAhead72
New Here
I'm not sure where to start....
Back in 2008, my life will never be the same. I had a legal case that I was later exonerated of five years later. During those five years, I was put on the street, and separated from my now ex husband, and my children. I was living from place to place at first, but then I ended up living on the streets.
While I was on the streets, I suffered all kinds of horrific abuse.... Mental, verbal, emotional and sexual. Mostly sexual abuse. During that time, I kept holding onto the hope that I would one day be reunited with my family, and.... during the time that I was living on the streets, the abuse was so bad, that I told my now ex husband to move on, but I never told him about all the abuse I had suffered at the hands of someone who was very, very dangerous, and if I were to tell anyone about it, that would put them in harms way.
So I kept it to myself until after I moved back home, when my now ex husband promised we would be a family again. We decided to work everything out.
That was when I started exhibiting signs of PTSD, with the nightmares, thinking and even believing that he was the person that abused me when I was homeless..... And all the symptoms that comes with suffering from PTSD. During that time, he was still resentful because I told him to move on, and I didn't explain to him why I told him that.
So... One day, this was when I first moved back in... I sat him down and told him everything I went through, everything that happened, and no matter how many times I explained it to him, he still hangs onto that day I told him to move on, even though I explained to him that I told him that because I honestly did not think I was going to make it out of the streets alive. Even after years and years of continuously repeating myself over and over again, he has been with other women, has several women in his phone, he has no interest in working anything out with me. One minute he doesn't wanna be with me because of that reason, but then when I go off and spend time with someone else, he gets mad at me and begs me to come back home and be with him, but he still keeps the women in his phone, talks to them right in front of me, and tells me he doesn't feel that way about me anymore, yet every time he talks about me seeing someone else, he gets mad.....
Tonight he told me that what I went through on the street has nothing to do with him, and that he feels that I am damaged, and I need to stop holding him hostage.... And just worry about being a mother to the kids, and if he finds someone else then he is going to move on and be with them. But he just doesn't feel that way about me anymore because he believes that I ran off with someone else, and it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, so I am just trying to save face when I have told him over and over again what truly happened, and why I didn't tell him while it was happening.
I moved back in 2013.... And I have been trying to prove myself to him ever since, but he won't budge, but then like I said, when I go out, or make plans to go out, he has a big, huge problem with it.
All I ever wanted was for someone to love me. I don't care about how much money they have, or the material things they may possess. I don't care about any of that. I was sexually abused every day and every night, and I kept fighting and going on with life, even though every day I wanted to kill myself.... For my now ex and our children, and that is what I come home to....
I have gotten to the point where I am tired. He asks me pointless questions, and I call them pointless because I feel like.... If you don't wanna be with me, why keep asking me questions pertaining to what happened to me when I already told you.... And what hurts me is that he feels I am just too damaged, I can't work, I can't do much of anything that I used to do or be able to do before I suffered those horrific traumas. I don't understand what I did wrong. All that I did was for him and our family. I fought against the system to prove my innocence, in hopes that I can have my family back and.... and I don't have anything. Now I am left wondering if it was all worth it? And everytime I ask myself this question I always arrive at the same answer... Which is a big, HUGE NO.
What do I do now? I don't think I can fight all of what goes on in my head throughout the day, what I feel in my body, the memories that play over and over again throughout the day... now that I don't have anyone by my side to give me hope for tomorrow.... I don't wanna fight anymore......
Oh yeah..... And I forgot to add, that before I moved back in, we talked via text, and he told me he wanted to be a family again..... He had me under the impression that we worked out any differences, only for me to find out that we didn't.
Back in 2008, my life will never be the same. I had a legal case that I was later exonerated of five years later. During those five years, I was put on the street, and separated from my now ex husband, and my children. I was living from place to place at first, but then I ended up living on the streets.
While I was on the streets, I suffered all kinds of horrific abuse.... Mental, verbal, emotional and sexual. Mostly sexual abuse. During that time, I kept holding onto the hope that I would one day be reunited with my family, and.... during the time that I was living on the streets, the abuse was so bad, that I told my now ex husband to move on, but I never told him about all the abuse I had suffered at the hands of someone who was very, very dangerous, and if I were to tell anyone about it, that would put them in harms way.
So I kept it to myself until after I moved back home, when my now ex husband promised we would be a family again. We decided to work everything out.
That was when I started exhibiting signs of PTSD, with the nightmares, thinking and even believing that he was the person that abused me when I was homeless..... And all the symptoms that comes with suffering from PTSD. During that time, he was still resentful because I told him to move on, and I didn't explain to him why I told him that.
So... One day, this was when I first moved back in... I sat him down and told him everything I went through, everything that happened, and no matter how many times I explained it to him, he still hangs onto that day I told him to move on, even though I explained to him that I told him that because I honestly did not think I was going to make it out of the streets alive. Even after years and years of continuously repeating myself over and over again, he has been with other women, has several women in his phone, he has no interest in working anything out with me. One minute he doesn't wanna be with me because of that reason, but then when I go off and spend time with someone else, he gets mad at me and begs me to come back home and be with him, but he still keeps the women in his phone, talks to them right in front of me, and tells me he doesn't feel that way about me anymore, yet every time he talks about me seeing someone else, he gets mad.....
Tonight he told me that what I went through on the street has nothing to do with him, and that he feels that I am damaged, and I need to stop holding him hostage.... And just worry about being a mother to the kids, and if he finds someone else then he is going to move on and be with them. But he just doesn't feel that way about me anymore because he believes that I ran off with someone else, and it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, so I am just trying to save face when I have told him over and over again what truly happened, and why I didn't tell him while it was happening.
I moved back in 2013.... And I have been trying to prove myself to him ever since, but he won't budge, but then like I said, when I go out, or make plans to go out, he has a big, huge problem with it.
All I ever wanted was for someone to love me. I don't care about how much money they have, or the material things they may possess. I don't care about any of that. I was sexually abused every day and every night, and I kept fighting and going on with life, even though every day I wanted to kill myself.... For my now ex and our children, and that is what I come home to....
I have gotten to the point where I am tired. He asks me pointless questions, and I call them pointless because I feel like.... If you don't wanna be with me, why keep asking me questions pertaining to what happened to me when I already told you.... And what hurts me is that he feels I am just too damaged, I can't work, I can't do much of anything that I used to do or be able to do before I suffered those horrific traumas. I don't understand what I did wrong. All that I did was for him and our family. I fought against the system to prove my innocence, in hopes that I can have my family back and.... and I don't have anything. Now I am left wondering if it was all worth it? And everytime I ask myself this question I always arrive at the same answer... Which is a big, HUGE NO.
What do I do now? I don't think I can fight all of what goes on in my head throughout the day, what I feel in my body, the memories that play over and over again throughout the day... now that I don't have anyone by my side to give me hope for tomorrow.... I don't wanna fight anymore......
Oh yeah..... And I forgot to add, that before I moved back in, we talked via text, and he told me he wanted to be a family again..... He had me under the impression that we worked out any differences, only for me to find out that we didn't.
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