Sufferer Lost For Life

[MommaHD]

Hello, I just want to share my story and see if anyone can relate. I lived on and off of the streets of Denver since I was 12 years old for strarters. I am now 44. My home life wasn't bad, I just wasn't seen or missed. When I was 15 I was kidnapped, rape, and also attempted to kill me. I never got any kind of counseling or anything. After the trial it was like it just didn't happen. My father disowned me at this time. I met a man, much older than me when I was 16. He was very abusive. At 17 I gave birth to my first child. My mother was a head madam, when I turned 18 it was just the thing to do, I became a dancer. I did this for the next 11 years. I also gave birth to two more children. I swore my kids would know what love was. I became very addicted to cocaine. One day I woke up and just said enough was enough, I need to get right for my children. I loaded my children into my little Honda Accord, packed toys and clothes around them and just started driving. I had $100 dollars to my name. After many hours of driving the kids were tired, hungery, confused. I got a hotel room, some McDonalds and passed out. The next morning I woke up and had $5 to my name. I had two choices, call someone and go back to what I just ran from or, I opened the phone book and call the first church I could find. They emmedialty paid for two weeks at a motel with a kitchenette. Brought food and toys. They got me a job at the local Pizza Hut. I wasn't making enough to pay for the room after the two weeks were up. One day a women came into the Pizza Hut and handed me an envelope, she told me don't question it and left. I opened the envelope after she left and there was an address and $600 cash. As soon as I got off work I went and picked up my children ( from the sitter the church also set up for me ) and found the address. There was a man that said he had been expecting me. He showed me a two bedroom apartment. $300 a month $300 deposit. The following days people showed up out of everywhere with everything we would need. Toys, cloths, pot and pans, beds, bedding, everything. I had only left the big city and lifestyle only three weeks ago. I took a job on a dairy. Lol, yea. Milking cows. From the golden pole to milking cows. I was determined to give my children a better life. I never went back to Denver for good. My children are grown, good people. I did it. I managed to get an Associates Degree, and work in the oil and gas industry. The only problem now is that now that my children are grown and gone I don't feel like I have anything to go on for. They were my driving force. I have nightmares of the past. I don't like to leave my house for anything. I have things delivered a lot. I have a wonderful husband that believes I never got the help or support I needed when I was young. I have never been able to trust anyone, hold down a job for long. I have a hard time finishing things I start. Idk. I guesse that's enough for now. If you made it this far thanks for reading. I have been diagnosed with PTSD Major Depression OCD and Social Anxiety.

 

[LuckyDuck]

Welcome to the forum, Momma. I agree with your husband. You put a lot aside and got things right for your kids. Now it's your turn. :)

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Milking cows is kewl! :) Welcome

 

[RavenGirl]

Time to take care of you, you are worth it! ;) I always find it's easier to put others first. I think it's because then I don't have to think about me and my past and what has scarred me. But we ARE as important as anyone else and we deserve to be happy too. Welcome, glad you're here. :hug:

 

[scotsgirl]

Hi MommaHD
Hope you are having a good day.
I think youre a very brave lady.
Im new here also.
S

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Welcome @MommaHD :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums

 

[KwanYingirl]

I relate to losing focus and any reason to exist now that my kids are grown. This is time for us to get the support we never got growing up. I escaped too. You are strong and brave. Plus you have a real partner. You can do this!!!

 

[KwanYingirl]

PS my church helped a family start over after a fire down to the woman's dentures. It was heartwarming to say the least. Hang in there!!

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Welcome Momma!

I think you will find that a lot of people here can relate to your story and what you are going through. It helps knowing you are not alone in your experiences and how you are feeling.

I think you are brave for all the things you have gone through and still making the best life for your kids despite your struggles. It sounds like you have a great supportive husband. Now it is time to take care of yourself and do whatever you need to so you can start feeling better.

I am also diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and OCD. Are you in therapy and/or seeing a Psychiatrist? A combination of therapy twice a week and meds have worked the best for me so far.

 

[Chava]

Welcome! I love the good parts of your story, all the love and help you received and how you pulled through for your kids. And I love cows!! :)

I relate to having a hard time getting out and being around people (I don't connect well) and also some attention issues. The brunt of my trauma was really early (then raped as a teen). But I wanted to say welcome and I really did enjoy reading about your major achievement in setting out on a new life for you and your family. I'm sure it was very trying at the time, but yes, you did it!

 

[ghotiff]

Welcome :)