Lost?

[Tinyflame]

Does anyone feel 'lost', and what does that mean? If so, what is your subjective experience of it?

I realized I can't remember virtually decades. I'm wondering if it's because I am so different? But, maybe it's not all-bad? Maybe who I am now is because circumstances yes changed me, but that i would not recognize nor maybe want to be who I was. It almost feels like I either didn't exist, or I don't 'feel' llike I do now, so the past is 'odd'. A bit surreal. But then again, I've tried to 'forget' so much past. But.. maybe it's ok.. ? Maybe it's who we are now, that's most of what matters.

What do you think? What am I or yourselves 'lost' from? Or what does 'found' mean? How do we get it? Is it a feeling, or direction/ purpose, or acceptance from others, or acceptance about ourselves, or a peace of mind/ heart? Or something else?

Lost to me feels alone, scared, un-anchored, unsure of where or how to turn.

Thank you!

 

[Tinyflame]

I suppose what I'm thinking is this: not 'what' I've lost, rather the feeling of 'being' lost. It also feels hopeless.

But it would be hopeless, to try to 'be' who I was, rather than who I am now. So maybe feeling lost is more like trying to go be a caterpillar, when the real question is learning how to fly if now one's life is as a butterfly? (Much as I've never identified with that analogy however.) But the point being it's 2 very different lives or ways of being. Or, like snow versus rain, it's not the same (even though it is).

 

[Friday]

Lost means I want to be somewhere -not here- and don't know how to get there. Or even where there is.

Having no f*cking clue where I am? LOL. THAT I don't mind! Happens all the time. In the vein of 'Not all who wander are lost.' I mostly consider it different versions of exploring.

To me
not knowing where I am (vs) being lost
alone (vs) lonely.

The common thread is wanting.

 

[scout86]

Lost means I want to be somewhere -not here- and don't know how to get there. Or even where there is.

That! Being homesick for a place you've never been?

 

[Ronin]

homesick for a place you've never been?

Reminds me of some meanings of hiraeth. Missing a place you've never been / missing a place you haven't been because it's the past and you couldn't have been there.

... It bites though.

 

[scout86]

hiraeth

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiraeth

I'd never heard of the word before, but yeah, that.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes. I'd never heard of that either.

Maybe that's part of what makes us, 'us'. That we are not as bound as some, even if we wish we could be, to only what is in the here and now? Maybe that is a feeling we share? At least when we're feeling it acutely or pay attention to it.

I suppose 'home' vs 'homesickness', home (ideally) =safety, you can be yourself, you can rest, you can get to know yourself better/ what you need.

Though I equate homesickness more to missing the feeling/ people, than a refuge.

 

[EveHarrington]

Purpose?

An anchor? (To something meaningful, something that gives us drive, something beyond ourselves.)

This is how I'm interpreting your post. (I apologize if I'm not on target.)

It's hard to put into words as I feel that I'm teetering on the edge between being lost and finding something which does give me greater purpose and meaning.

Direction/purpose? Yes.

Acceptance of self? Definitely. (Not fully there but very much moving in that direction.)

Acceptance by others? Not AS much------more about me being able to say "oh who cares?!" if I'm not accepted by most people. <I have paranoia issues>

Peace of mind/heart? Yes

But this doesn't pain an accurate picture of my situation.

It's a matter of symptoms settling, personally taking an accurate stock of what I can/cannot do, finding something which drives me forward (beyond a desire to just "get better"---------my focus has been healing for so long that it's time I "get out of my head". It feels like so much is falling into place at once and hard to accurately describe. But really, the big thing in all of this was finding a love outside of myself (NOT a person), something that helps pull me out of my head, gives me purpose without tons of pressure.

I'm sure I don't make a whole lotta sense right now. I'm still trying to make sense of it all myself!

 

[Tinyflame]

No, although I'm not there myself @EveHarrington it makes sense, sounds like you're heading towards 'finding'. :) :tup: :hug:

I can't really discriminate whether it's current pressures or past stuff that contributes to my feelings or lack of memories. I'm just too tired. Sleep when I get it doesn't alleviate it or the tiredness. So I suppose it's what's left of my mind to blame for it lol.

 

[EveHarrington]

I can't even say how I got "here" or exactly where "here" is-------but at the same time I know I want to heal and grow more so that I can get "there".

It's all so bewildering!

I wish I could explain more because I'm finally at a place where I can feel I've accomplished something and I know I've grown. It's odd------I can help people with coping skills and other things which help with healing, but this latest leap has me scratching my head. I suspect clarity will come in time? I hope so!

 

[Sideways]

I've given up on trying to find my 'purpose' for now, partly because of the anihilist concept that maybe I have none. What's eating me at the moment is I feel like I don't know who I am. Like I must have an identity, but I don't know what it is.

That's where my head goes when I think of being lost. It's the cereal aisle at the supermarket. So many completely different choices. Other people seem to be okay with it, they know what cereal they like for breakfast, or that their IBS demands All Bran, or that Cheerios beat Corn Flakes for them, but obviously not the next person.

What do I like for breakfast? I've tried lots of different stuff - the latest was smashed avocado on toast (with pepper) suggested by a brainstorming session from my trauma group! It was good, I think. But I don't know if I liked it. Am I an avocado on toast person? I think I'm actually a cereal person, but for the cereal ailse just amplifies how much I don't know who I am, or what I want, or what I need, or what I even like...

Who the hell are you Ragdoll? Dunno. That's me, completely lost. Knowing me, that would be 'found'.

 

[shimmerz]

Lost to me is recognizing that all I have done for the past 50 years, that at the time I thought was so great and cool, didn't matter one iota. It's gone. Over. I have no link to it anymore. And that has me question what the purpose of doing anything - ever again - is.

I don't know who or what is driving this machine (my body) anymore and am not certain that I ever will.