Lost

[Sogoz]

I'm recently sober, going on close to 2 months. Really want to drink today and probably will.

I've done a lot to change myself and curb the effects of PTSD to benefit my relationship. Ive quit drinking. Ive remained positive. Ive done all I can in my power to be a better person.

I'm still not enough. I'm still too clingy. But I'm still not loving enough. I'm still being controlling. Their opinion. There's no winning. I'm done with my partner thinking they're perfect while I'm the one with problems who needs fixing. Maybe they're the one with the problem, and that's being with someone who has PTSD, and if that's so why don't these people walk away? Go away if you're above me, if you're better than me, if you're wiser than me... obviously something is wrong with you if you have to constantly be critical of someone who only wants to please you and have your time. I didn't ask for any of this. I just wish people could look inside you and feel how you feel, then maybe they would understand you're just a person too.

A**hole.

 

[Eromo]

Congratulations on your 2 months sober. Depending on how hard and how long you drank, your brain will take time to recover, 9 months to several years. Time and consistency improve things, including raw emotions and frustration and depression.

It looks like you're really readying yourself for one big reason to drink. I hope you don't.

 

[Irato]

Good job on the two months of no alcohol!! Your body and brain thanks you!!! Sorry about the circumstances making you want to drink again. Maybe it will help to remember that when you're choosing to try to drown your sorrows, it's only temporary. Once you sober back up, the same problems remain, only feeling worse and more intense because now you have to deal with them on top of dealing with the shitty feelings of giving into your addiction along with a possible hangover. Those choices won't improve anything for anyone, especially self, even if it tricks you into feeling it does for a few passing moments. The best revenge truly is living well and taking good care of yourself. Best wishes for a better day.

 

[Goreg]

It works like this, one person says to the other 'you're a bitch.' It's kind of an invitation. Now its up to you. How are you going to counter that? You can't agree. I did it like forever. It's not what you say, it's how you feel when you say it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. One day I looked at my partner and I said "No, I'm not." They had all the arguments, all the stuff that had always worked. I just said no. Just say no. Most of it's subjective and a matter of opinion anyway. Sure you probably are guilty of this or that but mostly everyone is. Try and tell the other person though and you know what they say, "Oh my sins are little and your sins are big." or "Yes I did that but it doesn't count because of XYZ." or "Yes but remember that time you did so and so." Just say, we are even as far as I'm concerned but if you need someone to beat up you'll have to get someone else because you can't f*cking do that to me anymore. We can separate or whatever but you'll have to find someone else to take it out on. Stick to it. Don't back down no matter what. When they start doing that to you point it out and laugh at them. It takes some practice but I did it. Everyone is pretty much the same and there is no reason for you to be anyone's bitch unless you let them. Don't do it.

 

[Ehidi]

Please don't drink!

Leave the asshole!

 

[Epa]

Does the asshole deserve your sobriety? Do they deserve that 2 months you worked hard for?

 

[Sogoz]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Awesome posts, everyone is so smart and caring here and I really appreciate you sharing your views.

I'm still not sure what to say to him because he texted an apology and that he didn't mean to hurt me but he needs time to himself and it isn't meant as an insult. ...I understand all of that, but with my situation, I also require attention, time and effort... so there doesn't seem to be a resolution to our bigger issue....

The way he had reacted to me asking a "suspicious" question about if he ate dinner, you would've thought I told him the world was over... he was just outraged about it (in attitude, not in any physical way). Point is, he acted like I did something to harm him...?

I felt really embarassed... I'm only wanting to connect to him when I want his time, Im trying to tend to a family here, and yeah, I need reassurance until I know I can trust. I'm not going to be like the average person so the expectation seems unrealistic, that I can just snap my fingers and trust. If that's even what the problem is!

This must be how guys feel when they get in trouble for not understanding their girlfriends' feelings. Feels like crap :(