I'm not sure why you wrote "can't feel love". The point I'm trying to make is that maybe he can feel love but for whatever reason he's shut down or is unable to deal with certain emotions at times. Or maybe I'm just a bit sensitive to words like "can't". lol
Hi there! Sorry for the late response...I only just noticed your post today. I used the word "can't" in that way because that was what I read in an article about PTSD. I know every case is different and that some people feel love more than others. Also, I think the inability to feel love or other things is only a temporary state. I can understand why you might be sensitive to that question and why it might sound harsh. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to offend. I also asked because of how emotionless my now ex-boyfriend seemed to me.
When we were together he treated me wonderfully and did things that I consider loving, like giving me flowers, taking me out to eat and always insisting on paying, and opening the car door for me, even when we were just in our comfy clothes and heading to the grocery store (I found that so sweet and endearing). He would text me regularly, calling me beautiful and giving me compliments (mostly by text). One time something too personal to go into happened between us and afterward he told me that he felt like it was a breakthrough in our relationship. He also talked about another thing between us as building intimacy and closeness, so I know he wanted that with me.
But even though he went through all the motions of a loving person, his face never showed a loving expression, not just toward me, but toward anyone. I never even saw him show that emotion on his face toward kids, even though he is a devoted father. He also never told me he loved me. I'm aware that it's possible that that's not because he has PTSD or can’t feel love, but because he didn't love me in particular.
But then I think about how he always comes back to me, even after we’ve been in relationships with other people. We’ve tried to have a relationship three different times now, plus some near misses in between. We never get past a couple months before he flees. It's torture, especially since he never gives me closure when he leaves. (I'm not trying to guilt anyone with PTSD by saying that. I do empathize with what he's going through and I know he's going through his own torture.) Also, he’s talked about how we relate to each other on so many different levels and have really interesting conversations. Plus, we have a ridiculously strong physical attraction for each other. So I feel like he either 1) did love me and was just so walled off emotionally out of fear of being hurt that he couldn’t show it; or 2) he would have loved me, but PTSD made him too numb to feel it.
The only emotion I’ve seen on his face is annoyance or anger. Other than that he looks far away and sometimes robotic. I’ve never seen sadness, fear, surprise or love except for a couple times when I caught a glimpse of joy/excitement/(love?) and was so excited. I sure wish it had lasted more than a second. :')
You’re right about the therapy. If we were still together, there are so many things I would have wanted to get answers to with the help of his therapist. He did his best to share things with me, but there were always missing pieces and I felt like I had to pull information out of him. I was also afraid to set him off by prying too much and his therapist might have helped me find the line.
Those are all good questions that I’d like to know the answer to myself. I would ask him if he’d talk to me. I often wonder what part of him is him and what part is PTSD since I met him when he already had it. He didn’t know he had it until after our first relationship. He got it from something that happened in his marriage several years prior. His wife was dishonest, very troubled, and caused him a lot of grief, but I don’t think she was abusive. However, even though his PTSD wasn’t attributed to his childhood, I wonder if his dad was abusive from things he’s said.
Thank you for your response and all that you shared. It’s very enlightening. I’m sorry about all the hard times you’ve had, but it’s wonderful how far you’ve come. Peace and love to you.
