Love And Intimacy

[Kyle]

Love is an unbelievable feeling. To love someone and to be loved is something that everyone should experience. There are many of us who grew up in homes where love was simply missing. Love was not present and it was disguised as abuse.

We all are working hard on our respected journeys. We try and learn to love ourselves. Many of us have a rather disturbing self-hatred that takes a tremendous amount of work to overcome. Love is so hard to embrace when someone shows us unconditional love. We tend to push these people away because if they prove the critics wrong then we have to look at the reality that our tormenters were wrong.

Denial is a powerful tool that many of us use. We make light of the abuse we endured. We may try and kid ourselves that we are really ok. Deep down we know that it is abuse but to look at the abusers is sometimes worse that the pain they dish out. Some of us will say that they really do love us. We really shouldn’t have got in the way or been so needy and sensitive. Love is not abuse.

Love can overcome a lot of the pain and horrible memories. Love can work wonders if you let yourself be loved. Intimacy is possible if you are willing to strip off the masks and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

I struggle with intimacy. I feel I am getting better but there are days where it is agonizing. I know I can get there with perseverance. Does anyone else suffer as well with love and intimacy?

Thanks for listening.

 

[saffy]

Hi Kyle

I don't think I would know what proper love was if it smacked me in the face. We are all discussing intimacy and ptsd and dating ect in the relationship and discussion threads. have a look :)

There are certainly a lot of us who just cannot be intimate or allow ourselves to be loved. ALthough for me I find it easy to love someone, not get the love back. If that makes sense.

My mask is ontop of a huge wall :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ditto on not knowing love if it smacked me in the face.

I am 33 and don't know love. Sometimes I think it would be selfish of me to get into any sort of relationship because I don't know what love is. Hmmm.

 

[Sues]

Ditto on not knowing love if it smacked me in the face.

Me too. It's sad that I've lived this way and been treated the way I was, but it's reality for me.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Again I thought I was the only one.

 

[discarded]

I thought I had love in my life until PTSD came along and suddenly my husband claims he doesn't love me, never did. Well it could just be the PTSD talking but after 28 years together I feel I deserve a bit better than a quick statement. I am not allowed to ask why, when or how he came to this conclusion. Now I just feel used, like my life and our marriage is a lie.

 

[cat]

Now I just feel used, like my life and our marriage is a lie

I am so sorry to read this Discarded. I went through this with my ex-husband 5yrs ago, soul destroying isnt it? Please try to understand that is probably nothing to do you, with who or what you are or have done, I think with age & passing time some people take a longer look at their lives & how they are living them.

My psychologist recommended a book that helped me through this:- Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore. It sounds a bit heavy but was & still is such a useful book.

Take care

 

[discarded]

Thanks Cat. I will have a look for the book.

 

[saffy]

Sometimes I think it would be selfish of me to get into any sort of relationship because I don't know what love is. Hmmm

Love has to be given and recieved. When you find love it is because the other person is loving, caring and trusting. This brings out the loving in you and visa versa. I do not think you are selfish at all. Maybe unsure and confused but not selfish.

If you can love a pet then love is in there somewhere.:)

I hope you find love.

I am not allowed to ask why, when or how he came to this conclusion

that is terrible, talk about being left out to dry. I reckon he does but this is his getout clause. Maybe he just doesn't want to face what is happening. Although that is not very helpful to you at the moment when you want answers. He is being very unfair.

I hope you get the answers you want and need to move forward.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Sues]

I am not allowed to ask why, when or how he came to this conclusion.

This makes me angry to hear this. He's only doing this to make things easier on himself, not you. And that sucks.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think Kyle's post hits on a lot of truths. Eerything that was said, I think is so.

 

[discarded]

This makes me angry to hear this. He's only doing this to make things easier on himself, not you. And that sucks.

I think it sucks too. I am very slowly learning to live with it and accept that I have no control over him or his behaviour. It is of course very different if he asks me something, I am expected to answer straight away. Life goes on I guess even if it is miserable.