donnarhayward
New Here
My boyfriend has PTSD following the sudden death of his son 4 years ago. We have been together over a year now and when we first got together I had only heard about PTSD as an illness that affects soldiers and did not really have a clue about what it was or what it meant to live with this illness or to love someone who has PTSD. I searched the Internet and read as much information as I could find and yes, there were many points that I could identify my boyfriend with, the bad episodes, suicidal thoughts, the nightmares, the depression etc but it is only by experiencing with him these things that I have learnt what PTSD really is and what it does to a person who is diagnosed with it. It is truly the most horrible illness and before I met my boyfriend I have to admit that I was a little ignorant of mental illness and the devastating effect is has on a persons daily life and just how hard getting through every day without giving up can be.
My boyfriend is the most amazing man I have ever met. He asked me the other day why do I love him and why do I want to be with someone who has PTSD ? Well, this first year has been roller coaster of good and bad, happy and sad, of being pushed away, of dealing with different issues that have arisen because of his PTSD, of feeling completely loved by him and the next having no idea what I mean to him and of seeing this strong 6 ft man broken when his PTSD takes hold of him BUT for me this is the man I love and there is so much more to him than my boyfriend who has PTSD. He is funny, kind, caring and above everything I cannot put into words how much I admire him and how brave he is to still be here fighting to get through another day with all that goes on his head. I don't think he realises how much he has made me a better more humble person and taught me that whilst life is relatively easy for me there are people whose life is a constant battle to cope with simple things that I do and don't give a second thought to. For me the most important thing in our relationship is to always always remember that he has an illness and that just because you cannot see it or that when you tell people my boyfriend has PTSD you don't get the same response as telling them he has cancer ( please excuse my choice of illness but it is one that people can identify with that is why I use this as an example) it is an illness never the less and it's effects and symptoms are truly horrible. Being with my boyfriend has given me a greater level of patience and widened my understanding of others and taught me to respect that when I moan or get stressed about insignificant things that actually they don't matter at all compared to what he deals with. We are moving in together soon and he has some issues about whether I can handle his PTSD in the long run ( his marriage of 13 years broke up 3 years after he was diagnosed with PTSD) and I totally understand his fear - part of PTSD for him is he suffers with believing that he is worthy of being loved and I try my best to reassure him that I will be there forever and that I can handle his illness and will not give up on him, I think this is very important as he has had suffered people walking away from him and not believing he has PTSD something I find outrageous ! If someone tells you they have cancer you don't disbelieve them just because you can't see it- this also happens with people who are friends and they at times dismiss his PTSD as nothing more than a hangover if he is having a bad episode and we have been out I get really angry.
Anyway we have finally after 3 years got an appointment to start getting some help to deal with his illness and whilst I do totally understand he may never lead a normal life and that there is no magic pill or cure for PTSD if he can get help to cope with his bad episodes then that's something.
To anyone in a relationship or like me met someone who has PTSD then all I can say is remember the person you love did not do this to themselves it is because of what happened to them they have PTSD, that you will need patience and understanding and at all times respect how PTSD is affecting them because it's their illness not just how it affects you - in my case I mety boyfriend with his PTSD so I could have walked away but I chose to be with him and I want to share the rest of our lives together because despite his illness there is also the person I love completely so that is my choice. I have no illusions that life will be a bed of roses, that there will bad times as well as good and that there will always be 3 of us in this relationship me him and his PTSD and that our life will be different to others but sometimes you can't help who walks into your life and who you love and that is what's important. I would love to hear from others who have a partner or themselves who have PTSD following the death of a child as it would help both myself and my boyfriend as he suffers with PTSD in a different way to the soldiers PTSD experiences and has what I think is complex PTSD ( from my many hours of research on the Internet) and to share how they cope. He does has nightmares, can sleep for 14 hours during a bad episode and coping with what goes on his head , the darkness, the numbness of emotions and at times suicidal thoughts. .
My boyfriend is the most amazing man I have ever met. He asked me the other day why do I love him and why do I want to be with someone who has PTSD ? Well, this first year has been roller coaster of good and bad, happy and sad, of being pushed away, of dealing with different issues that have arisen because of his PTSD, of feeling completely loved by him and the next having no idea what I mean to him and of seeing this strong 6 ft man broken when his PTSD takes hold of him BUT for me this is the man I love and there is so much more to him than my boyfriend who has PTSD. He is funny, kind, caring and above everything I cannot put into words how much I admire him and how brave he is to still be here fighting to get through another day with all that goes on his head. I don't think he realises how much he has made me a better more humble person and taught me that whilst life is relatively easy for me there are people whose life is a constant battle to cope with simple things that I do and don't give a second thought to. For me the most important thing in our relationship is to always always remember that he has an illness and that just because you cannot see it or that when you tell people my boyfriend has PTSD you don't get the same response as telling them he has cancer ( please excuse my choice of illness but it is one that people can identify with that is why I use this as an example) it is an illness never the less and it's effects and symptoms are truly horrible. Being with my boyfriend has given me a greater level of patience and widened my understanding of others and taught me to respect that when I moan or get stressed about insignificant things that actually they don't matter at all compared to what he deals with. We are moving in together soon and he has some issues about whether I can handle his PTSD in the long run ( his marriage of 13 years broke up 3 years after he was diagnosed with PTSD) and I totally understand his fear - part of PTSD for him is he suffers with believing that he is worthy of being loved and I try my best to reassure him that I will be there forever and that I can handle his illness and will not give up on him, I think this is very important as he has had suffered people walking away from him and not believing he has PTSD something I find outrageous ! If someone tells you they have cancer you don't disbelieve them just because you can't see it- this also happens with people who are friends and they at times dismiss his PTSD as nothing more than a hangover if he is having a bad episode and we have been out I get really angry.
Anyway we have finally after 3 years got an appointment to start getting some help to deal with his illness and whilst I do totally understand he may never lead a normal life and that there is no magic pill or cure for PTSD if he can get help to cope with his bad episodes then that's something.
To anyone in a relationship or like me met someone who has PTSD then all I can say is remember the person you love did not do this to themselves it is because of what happened to them they have PTSD, that you will need patience and understanding and at all times respect how PTSD is affecting them because it's their illness not just how it affects you - in my case I mety boyfriend with his PTSD so I could have walked away but I chose to be with him and I want to share the rest of our lives together because despite his illness there is also the person I love completely so that is my choice. I have no illusions that life will be a bed of roses, that there will bad times as well as good and that there will always be 3 of us in this relationship me him and his PTSD and that our life will be different to others but sometimes you can't help who walks into your life and who you love and that is what's important. I would love to hear from others who have a partner or themselves who have PTSD following the death of a child as it would help both myself and my boyfriend as he suffers with PTSD in a different way to the soldiers PTSD experiences and has what I think is complex PTSD ( from my many hours of research on the Internet) and to share how they cope. He does has nightmares, can sleep for 14 hours during a bad episode and coping with what goes on his head , the darkness, the numbness of emotions and at times suicidal thoughts. .
