couragetogrow
Learning
Feeling a bit frustrated.
I may have mentioned this a bit before. One of my siblings is diagnosed schizoaffective and largely I've seen how much my toxic parents contributed to his condition so it's been hard for me to abandon my support, but he's pretty awful as well.
I know he has delusions and isn't always in control of his thoughts like a "normal" mind. That being said, it's borderline abusive and has flat-out been abusive in the past. My sister won't talk to him for good reason. He's been sexually inappropriate to her and me. I won't be in his physical presence. I limit my support to phone. He's physically attacked every member of our immediate family.
I attend NAMI to help my sanity and I start to get resentful. I feel like I'm meant to excuse all of his bad behavior because of his diagnosis, but I've known people with bipolarism and schizoaffective that aren't cruel like him. To be fair, he's not always like this...but 95% of the time, whenever he's nice it's to get his way. If you're in his physical presence, forget it. He's verbally abusive, if not physically dangerous unless he's medicated. Which is hardly every because unless he's forced to take his meds, he won't.
I understand why he is the way he is. It's because he feels so much injustice from "the system" and how he was treated by my parents that he thinks everyone should suffer. He admits this. And he has gone through a lot of trauma. I have compassion for how a person could get to his headspace.
But it's very trying on my mental health because he has a lot of sadistic and narcissistic traits. I watch a lot of interviews with criminals to try and understand him more. I mean where is the line? I watched an interview a psychiatrist did with a sexual sadist child predator and they flat out have zero empathy. it's all about their needs regardless of the degree of hurt caused to another. I mean it gets dark. My brother is very similar. You talk to the mental health community they act like you're being a bad person for having boundaries, but if it came to their child I bet they would not have any guilt about having boundaries with a child predator. And pedophilia is in the DSM. Sure a lot of child predators have been victims of abhorrent crimes as well, but does that make them less culpable. I see the same trend with my brother.
Feeling gaslight by the mental health community. All this "love solves everything talk"...what about love for myself? love for my mental sanity? And if you watch enough of these videos, it's that preachy love talk that allowed people to put their child in harm's way; trust the wrong people. "He wouldn't do that to my child; I'm not looking at him through God's eye". I feel like being wise with one's love isn't talked about enough.
I hope I didn't offend anyone. It's not my intention. I would love to hear other's input if they've experienced similar situations. I am generally not an asshole lol. only sometimes assholes bring the asshole out of me.
I may have mentioned this a bit before. One of my siblings is diagnosed schizoaffective and largely I've seen how much my toxic parents contributed to his condition so it's been hard for me to abandon my support, but he's pretty awful as well.
I know he has delusions and isn't always in control of his thoughts like a "normal" mind. That being said, it's borderline abusive and has flat-out been abusive in the past. My sister won't talk to him for good reason. He's been sexually inappropriate to her and me. I won't be in his physical presence. I limit my support to phone. He's physically attacked every member of our immediate family.
I attend NAMI to help my sanity and I start to get resentful. I feel like I'm meant to excuse all of his bad behavior because of his diagnosis, but I've known people with bipolarism and schizoaffective that aren't cruel like him. To be fair, he's not always like this...but 95% of the time, whenever he's nice it's to get his way. If you're in his physical presence, forget it. He's verbally abusive, if not physically dangerous unless he's medicated. Which is hardly every because unless he's forced to take his meds, he won't.
I understand why he is the way he is. It's because he feels so much injustice from "the system" and how he was treated by my parents that he thinks everyone should suffer. He admits this. And he has gone through a lot of trauma. I have compassion for how a person could get to his headspace.
But it's very trying on my mental health because he has a lot of sadistic and narcissistic traits. I watch a lot of interviews with criminals to try and understand him more. I mean where is the line? I watched an interview a psychiatrist did with a sexual sadist child predator and they flat out have zero empathy. it's all about their needs regardless of the degree of hurt caused to another. I mean it gets dark. My brother is very similar. You talk to the mental health community they act like you're being a bad person for having boundaries, but if it came to their child I bet they would not have any guilt about having boundaries with a child predator. And pedophilia is in the DSM. Sure a lot of child predators have been victims of abhorrent crimes as well, but does that make them less culpable. I see the same trend with my brother.
Feeling gaslight by the mental health community. All this "love solves everything talk"...what about love for myself? love for my mental sanity? And if you watch enough of these videos, it's that preachy love talk that allowed people to put their child in harm's way; trust the wrong people. "He wouldn't do that to my child; I'm not looking at him through God's eye". I feel like being wise with one's love isn't talked about enough.
I hope I didn't offend anyone. It's not my intention. I would love to hear other's input if they've experienced similar situations. I am generally not an asshole lol. only sometimes assholes bring the asshole out of me.