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Madness, Insanity & The World Wide Web

Amazing. Walked out of Mirage and next door is treasure island. Soooo much to see and do here. Long days ahead.

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Home again... nice to be back. 15hr flight from LA to Melbourne... gets a little uncomfortable at times, just glad to get home, have a shower, then begin the chill out process. Yet then its, shops for food, get puppies, wash puppies, unpack, and here I am... 6 hours later now getting to look at stuff online, yet ready for bed and a good nights sleep. I think tomorrow will be far more balanced... awake, take puppies for solid morning walk and then get back into a routine for self-sanity.
 
The fading mask

Whenever I go away I can just be me, but at some point in time I will begin to wear the mask of normality, as PTSD begins to creep up on me and I fight it back. I lasted a good 7 days away on holidays, but the last couple were a struggle, and now home, the second day is starting to bite me in the arse. I can feel it. The wave approaching. It's like a visual I can imagine in my mind when this happens. The PTSD wave is in the distance. The water I stand within is already getting shallow, being sucked towards the gigantic wave forming in the distance just like any tidal wave forms.

It's only a matter of days now before it takes me out. The problem with that though, is that I have commitments already made in which to attend. A wedding this weekend. A possible funeral in the coming week, knowing if I attend that, it will be fly in that morning, attend, fly out that evening. A very large day of activity when my bubble is just about to burst, needing recovery time from routine and managed structure in my day to day life to keep the beast under control.

The mask sucks! That simple. PTSD is annoying at times. Accepted based on my history, but annoying nonetheless. I have stuff I want to do, but my brain is very clearly telling me to go f*ck myself, and I don't have a hope in hell of accomplishing things any time soon.

Argh. Pftt. :meh::shifty:
 
What really pisses me off... the damn common cold. It knocked me on my arse Thursday and Friday, recovering Saturday (today) and still feel like crap. Was supposed to be at a wedding tonight, instead I'm sitting in a hotel room with the puppies whilst Nicolette is at the wedding. Argh...

Looks like a funeral some time next week... when it rains, it seems to pour.
 
I have stuff I want to do, but my brain is very clearly telling me to go f*ck myself
this happens to me all the time - have plans, know that the plans are all reasonable and then my brain decides "not today, or the next day and maybe not the day after that". I feel your pain, it sucks like a dyson!

Today, I think is one of those days - took me three attempts to get the coding right on this... f*cksake.
 
Argh! Been off myself for the past week, trying to curb PTSD kicking my arse. For what reason I do not know, I gave up long ago analysing PTSD further than whether I know something is specifically stressing me or not. Right now... I don't feel stressed by anything past or future, nothing kicking around my head anyway... but stressed and anxious just cause PTSD decided it be that way.

Shitty disorder... just one of those weeks I guess. Looking forward though to some relaxation this weekend away with the wife and puppies.
 
a few favorite dog quotations:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx

"All knowledge, the totality of
all questions and answers, is
contained in the dog." Franz Kafka

"Properly trained, a man
can be a dog's best friend." Corey Ford
 

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