Magical Thinking

[sun seeker]

I have a symptom that I don't think is part of normal PTSD (if there is such a thing!), and I'm wondering if others recognize it. I think it could be called magical thinking. It works like this: The possibility of some terrible thing happening suddenly takes over my awareness. To most people it would seem somewhere between remote and impossible, but I get into a state where I am terrified of this thing happening and can think of nothing else. It could be anything, but it always relates to a few themes that are connected to my trauma. I can't think of anything else for a while and the possibility of whatever it is happening takes over my thoughts and creates huge anxiety for a period of time. Eventually, it goes away.

During that time though, it feels like I could make whatever the terrible thing is happen just by thinking it, or picturing it too vividly, or writing about it. It feels like tempting fate or something.

Is this magical thinking? Whatever it is, it's a huge pain. The best I can manage is to reason with myself that usually when I get into a state like this, whatever it is I'm obsessing over doesn't happen, so this probably won't, either. It helps some, but this exhausts me.

 

[Riot]

It sounds like a panic attack to me.

 

[sun seeker]

Hmm. I'm not sure. Doesn't a panic attack have to have physical symptoms? Does it involve magical thinking? Just wondering, that hadn't occurred to me and I wonder if you could tell me more.

 

[Philosopher108]

Interesting.
I don't know what it's called but it seems to me your experience is very similar to paranoia (which I've experienced a great deal).
But your experience has an element of self-suggestion or something. A therapist might know.

 

[Riot]

Your anxiety and obsessive thoughts are physical manifestations in a way, too... Full blown panic attacks can indeed trigger more, but the whole thought process you described really depicts aspects of it.

Quick Google


I suppose it could be paranoia, too, as @Philosopher108 suggested. I'm not as familiar with that one, though. I think the whole 'willing an action' might fall under that category better, now that I think of it.

 

[sun seeker]

A therapist might know.

Probably. I haven't brought up this particular symptom with my therapist yet.

I know small children engage in magical thinking. I wonder whether that kind of thinking stays with a person when the trauma is from the developmental stage when it was normal to think that way? Just musing here.

 

[sun seeker]

Your anxiety and obsessive thoughts are physical manifestations in a way, too...

How so? Sorry to keep pushing the point, but I'd like to understand this. To me, the physical sensations are minor compared to the fear.

From a quick look through the article, I'm not convinced it's a panic attack. There is always an identifiable trigger, which can happen or not in a panic attack. It always lasts much longer than the article says a panic attack lasts (it says a panic attack is over in between 20 minutes and an hour; for me these episodes almost always last hours or even days).

The thought process, though, that's something to look at. I'll look into that some more. Thank you!

 

[Riot]

@sun seeker, well if it's related to your trauma, maybe it's a form of imaginative or fantasy recall? If you ever get an answer, I'd be interested in knowing the term.

 

[sun seeker]

The sense of unreality that they mention is certainly familiar to me. Hmm.

I also notice that when I am already in one of these episodes, other things that wouldn't normally bother me add to the snowballing fear. It's a very strange state of being. It's like my thoughts get stuck in a rut, like a broken record.

I've rewritten this post a bunch of times, because I am so afraid of terrible things happening if I get it wrong. That's typical when I am like this. There is no reason for it except that I'm already scared so everything that comes along scares me too.

 

[Riot]

The information on panic attacks, OCD, anxiety, paranoia, PTSD, and just about anything really... are usually very subjective. Although if your symptoms are lasting days, that's certainly alarming. Either way, I echo the idea of asking a mental health care professional.

I hope you get it sorted out!

 

[sun seeker]

if it's related to your trauma, maybe it's a form of imaginative or fantasy recall

It's always related to my trauma, but often several steps removed. What I mean is what triggers me can be so farfetched, anyone but me would have to really work to get their minds around how it is related at all.

What I don't understand is why sometimes I get these episodes up to several times a day, and at other times I can go weeks without it happening at all.

Yes of course, if I figure it out I'll post about it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have this thing where if im around people my brain goes a millon miles a second to think up every single possible bad thing that could happen (usually around people hurting me or robbing me etc but its also been bombs going off or a metor hitting walmart...totally not kidding) and then for each bad thing that could possibly occur I have an "exit plan", which has to change, naturally, as im walking in walmart so i cant go out the door from the back of the store and the people move (damn them) so new bad things come up every second and for every person i see must come new "exit plans"...its exhausting...but also automatic, I have zero control over it.

Now, where you and I part though is I know that if I think too hard or write down that a big metor is going to hit earth any second (which will happen, it has happened several times and will again, scentific prove damn it) but i do know that me thinking it wont make it happen.

Here's where Im thinking. I feel that theres an "inner child" in me. "She" isnt a seperate identity and though she does come out in different parts of the day and different situations, i dont loose memory. My therapist said it was haulted emotions. Most at around 12 yrs old but some as young as 6. Did you have early trauma? Is it possible that some of you emotions are haulted right before a child understands imaginary from reality? See, not all of my emotions are haulted so when talking to me when "she" comes out it sounds like you are talking to an adult and a child. So its possible that though you know logically if you think it or write it down that it wont come true but is it possible that also part of you, or your emotions/development doesnt know that yet or got haulted at that stage so you are sort of in the middle. You know writing it down wont make it happen but you are scared to "just in case".

Just a guess.