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Majorly triggering event coming up - renewing restraining order - how to handle the stress?

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Well it was denied. A new state supreme court case made it so if they dont violate it, it cant get renewed. Guess Friday was on to something. I had no idea at all, the judge even had to look it up.

Guess I'm not going 5 minutes without a f*cking loaded .45 on me for the f*cking foreseeable future.

Anxiety ratcheted up x1000

Shivering in my warm car.

Dont know what to f*cking do.

I can only get a new one if he does something.... which he now can f*cking do with less legal worries.

I wish I could move right f*cking now. If I could go live on Mars right now I'd be doing it.
 
Man I f*cking thought this state was super anti-DV...... I have now lost ALL faith in our justice system. f*ck this shit dude, like, I don't even want to file charges at any point because.... what's the point? This is a wife-beater's state now, apparently.

So.

F*cking.

ANGRY!!!!

beats being totally depersonalized like I was till I got angry. But still.

This is BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

f*ck this state and ANY state like it.
 
How I came to think of it...

No different than having a no contact order / order of protection EXCEPT this time when I call the cops = grounds for a new one issued. The police will still send him on his way, even if they can’t arrest him. Then I refile, and the next time they arresr him on the spot. Just an extra step, is all.
 
Anger is a great response. You deserve better. So blow off as much steam as you need.

Then soothe. Once the anger is out of your system, bring your system back down as level as you can. We aren’t fortune tellers, but what we can do, when we’re thinking as clearly as possible, is run through options.

So what are your options? What do you realistically need to plan for? And how do you go about preparing for that? Break the process down into steps. You aren’t as powerless as the courts have tried to make you feel.

When you feel ready, this is a great place to brainstorm practical ideas for what would help your situation right now, because there are people here who have lived this, and people who have excellent resource ideas.

The outcome was a shitty one. I’m really sorry about that. But I’m rooting for you - you are stronger than you know.
 
My pdoc said tomorrow when we have our session we'll go over a safety plan and what to do about all this.

All this because a douchebag with a big enough pocketbook wanted to torment their victim further, at the cost of tormenting all victims who need/want a restraining order. f*cking shitstains need to pay their dues and at least have a f*cking current DV restraining order on their record for life, permanently branded as a shithead.

The steam has blown off and my anger's just kinda a smoldering pile of coals at this point. There but more like, grumpyness and frustration. I'm also feeling really triggered because the judge referenced the previous order, and stuff said in the hearing, because she went over it beforehand (which I expected) - I feel so much shame because of knowing another person knows about what happened. The whole thing also makes me feel invalidated, like the system doesn't believe me or something, even though I know it's just stupid f*cking anti-victim laws.

I just feel like nobody believes me, again. I feel like "it never happened and you're just crazy" again.

Also @Friday - that's essentially what the judge said. She was really sympathetic and apologetic, and after talking about the supreme court ruling, said "but, remember this court is open 7 days a week, and the police are available 24/7 for you need it"

She also gave me a pamphlet with resources which I haven't looked at, and my brain didn't even register any of the writing on it. I was pretty much checked out between hearing it wouldn't be possible to renew it, and getting to my car. Then re-checked-out during my drive home. Nearly drove to the next town over without even realizing it.

Looots of dissociation yesterday and today. Especially depersonalization and derealization - my body is overriding 50mg of f*cking naltrexone with its own endorphins. That shit was a miracle drug when I started it, at only 12.5mg. Almost completely stopped my dissociation. I recently had a dose increase and a let's-reset-my-receptors break (which needs to be done every 4-6 weeks due to receptor fatigue), and now it's all being overridden by my body's response to all this.

I keep going between extreme anxiety and extreme dissociation.
 
Sweetleaf said:
She was really sympathetic and apologetic, and after talking about the supreme court ruling, said "but, remember this court is open 7 days a week, and the police are available 24/7 for you need it"
Click to expand...

First of all - I am angry for you that your Supreme Court has undermined the lower courts important work to assist people to be safe... I'm hoping someone challenges that one sooner than later and this ruling is overturned. What a stupid law.

@Sweetleaf please don't take this the wrong way.. I get that you are feeling dismissed by the system and your sense of vulnerability - physical and psychological is now soaring but the Judge did appear to mention and remind you that the police and that court are there for you. Small comfort after the fact.... I know :cry:

However the Judge's comments are not a complete dismissal. That is not - not believing you. That is the Judge saying she cannot make an unenforceable Order. It's not just illegal is would have very bad consequences. As bad as it all is... it was the right thing for that Judge to do.

It would be a really bad idea to give an Order that in effect would 'create' a 'victim' in the perpetrator.

Imagine if he was to threaten you and you called the Police and showed them the hypothetical Order...they arrested him and brought him before the court. Because the Supreme court has made that ruling your Order would not be legal. The perpetrator would walk, he could sue almost everyone and be emboldened in his belief that he can try out further stupid things against you. That's a mess and I'm sure you don't want that to happen.

I cannot imagine why the Supreme Court made that ruling but I know it simply isn't good enough! The legislature are going to have to get more creative and make laws that provide for a remedy and protection in situations like yours.

I know that it should not take an incident to happen - minor or major - before you can ask the state and the system to step up and provide you with protection. Remember though you feel abandoned right now....that you can still call the Police and you should the very moment you feel any threat. Always err on the side of caution.

You haven't mentioned if the perpetrator was actually in the court to hear about this decision. If he wasn't present when the Judge delivered her ruling does the court notify him that the old Order has expired or does the court not bother sending out a letter to let perps know this? It would be worth finding out bc he may not be keeping an eye on the expiry date of the old Order - just as you were surprised by how quickly it came around.

I know it feels like the only thing between you and the perpetrator now has been taken away. But don't let it get too big in terms of perceptions. It was an Order that provided you with a sense of protection or, if you like, a fast track for the perpetrator to be locked up and returned to the Court if he violated it.

It didn't actually provide you with a physical barrier - you have been doing that yourself. You have been protecting yourself - not that Court Order.

The Court Order was only enforceable after an act by him. Remember with his history and those existing Court records you are more than half way there if anything untoward should happen. Again... I know... small comfort in reality. :hug: :hug:
 
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