"make The Choice To Move Past It"

[jbrown2691]

I was watching an Oprah show about this kid who was locked in a closet and starved, neglected, and abused f...

I agree.. As I am learning from my flashbacks, I go into dissociation today. I was like that for hours in the evening. Just sitting there, but hey, I couldn't snap out of it like that. I felt stuck. I took a prn, drank some coffee, tried to relax. Maybe its better if I took a walk, but what if I have a terrible episode? I had one when I was driving, and thank God I made it home. I am convinced, its going to be a long road t o recovery, as well as going back to work, that's not a option right now.

 

[Riot]

I'm paraphrasing, but she said something like "make a choice whether you learn from it and accept it and move on, or stay and let it consume you".

@Air, I just finished watching the whole episode and felt the same thing at that part. I also felt like she was trying to insert her interpretations unnecessarily, but I've never been a huge fan of her myself.

 

[watundah]

Kind of odd that O would be so out of touch considering her tough upbringing and multiple incidences of child molestation.

 

[ladee]

With some of my issues, I feel I am defined by my past. The things that left such scar tissue that only acceptance, in the grieving process, has helped me to 'move on'.
I feel she was giving the short version of 'moving on'. But that young man. One day, it will catch up with him, maybe not. I just hope he has people around him who understand a delayed reaction.

 

[Sideways]

One of the difficulties I'm having with this is that Oprah is talking about this specific individual, and what he's overcome, and how he's achieved that.

If you put aside the struggles that people with ptsd have per se, and focus on this fella and what he's achieved - he clearly has, at some point, made some kind of "choice" to move on. The implication that the rest of us are therefore "choosing" to stay ill is irritating, but I think maybe it's putting words into O's mouth a bit. What this young guy has achieved is worth acknowledging, and celebrating. He's done a lot of things to get to where he is tiven what he's been through and I think probably Oprah is right - at some point in there, he must have made some hard decisions, he must have made a "choice" of sorts.

When you take the words out of their context, yeah, they could easily become fairly offensive. But she's not talking about ptsd'ers at large - she's talking about this specific individual's remarkable achievements. And I think I'm okay with him being given the credit of having made a choice to get himself where he is. It's not like his recovery happened of its own accord or by accident. He did that. Credit where it's due..?

 

[joeylittle]

I don't think most people are ambivalent and I'd still say a large majority of people likely make the choice to try and move past.

I know you've already gone into more depth on this, @Air - but just had two cents to share.

I think making the choice to 'move past' tacitly implies a decision to start a process - any kind of process - towards resolving the problem.

Deciding to move past PTSD by denying it, for example, isn't moving past - it's denying. Deciding to accept that you are doomed to a living hell of symptoms isn't moving past, it's wallowing.

Even if the decision consists of: 'I need to address this properly but am overwhelmed by where to start'; that's a good step on the right road. Then, the person takes the next step, and the next.

To me, it's a fallacy to think that deciding to remain stagnant or in pain is actually a decision to move past something. It's more along the lines of accepting the negative.

I agree, it's also not altogether as easy as flipping a switch and poof, you are better.

But: most mental health treatments are based in flipping that same switch repeatedly, sometimes many times in a day. Every time I decide to challenge my own thinking - I'm actually making a choice to move past my old thinking. It's tiny, it's not like some major thing that fixes everything - but it does help me get better for the next 5,10,15 minutes of my life.

If we can understand 'moving past it' not as a one-time event, but as a daily, hourly choice to apply small, reasonable measures - then yeah, you can just decide. It all starts and ends with exercising your right to choose, one small choice at a time.

 

[Riot]

Watching his eyes...he is still troubled by this history. He looks stunned, dissociated?
A lot of "lead in" questions and guided statements...have I missed mention of therapy?

@Chimera, I was thinking the same thing. His posture and glossy look, stumbling over words, trailing off... While I know not all of these are telltale signs unto themselves, he certainly seemed blunted to me. The photo of him when he was six was heartbreaking, it was like you could see the fire was snuffed out of his eyes. She did mention therapy to him, and he said that he 'tried it' very briefly.

When you take the words out of their context, yeah, they could easily become fairly offensive. But she's not talking about ptsd'ers at large - she's talking about this specific individual's remarkable achievements. And I think I'm okay with him being given the credit of having made a choice to get himself where he is. It's not like his recovery happened of its own accord or by accident. He did that. Credit where it's due..?

@Ragdoll Circus, I personally think him coming out after so many years and telling his story publicly is very admirable. He seems to be a likable person well enough from the interview, and what those two did to him is incredibly awful. I guess I'm a little ambivalent (heh) about the context comment. I agree with the notion that context is a factor, but I think aside from the fact that it always seems to be her go to answer to everything, what she implies after that is what is more bothersome to me. I think this kid is brave for doing what he has, but he's still pretty young, too. I hope her kind words toward him and encouragement stick with him.

I agree, it's also not altogether as easy as flipping a switch and poof, you are better.

But: most mental health treatments are based in flipping that same switch repeatedly, sometimes many times in a day. Every time I decide to challenge my own thinking - I'm actually making a choice to move past my old thinking. It's tiny, it's not like some major thing that fixes everything - but it does help me get better for the next 5,10,15 minutes of my life.

If we can understand 'moving past it' not as a one-time event, but as a daily, hourly choice to apply small, reasonable measures - then yeah, you can just decide. It all starts and ends with exercising your right to choose, one small choice at a time.

@joeylittle, I don't know that I've ever heard of it put this way, or thought of it this way, but I really resonate with this notion.

 

[oasis2003]

I have not watched the clip. As for making a choice and moving on..... well after three years of therapy I am slightly better, there was no choice my symptoms were just there full blown so initially just to move on is not an option. if you have a mental health problems you need therapy, medication support, it is not black and white making a choice. It is blood sweat an tears working slowly through this stuff.

 

[The Albatross]

I got no problem with the clip or Oprah, or the sound byte way the idea was presented. Some topics don't do well in 15 minutes or less. I had to manage and try to decrease symptomology til I consistently could get some levity and stop viewing everything from the prism of my own self/behavior/problems... and remember I actually HAD a choice. It's hard to put that horse back in the barn once it get's out... but it takes effort, and making choices like Joey said many times a day with patience, practice, persistence... til something actually DOES change. I know cuz it happened that way for me... choice. Having, making choices. It doesn't solve EVERYTHING... but it sure as hell gets you a long ways.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I'm currently pondering how talking about the past traumas will enable me to move on. Mind you, there's zero structure to my T sessions whatsoever. I just feel I'm dwelling, it's ruining my physical health and I want to forget that awful stuff.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm currently pondering how talking about the past traumas will enable me to move on. Mind you, there's ze...

From my experiences and I'm not "cured" have been that talking through the past traumas with a trauma therapist helps take some of the dark mysterious dangerous feelings down a little. That means the desire to ruminate isn't as strong. The reason? You're starting to figure things out. It doesn't fix PTSD. It does help put time and distance between you and the past. When you're ready you'll be able to do it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think that what has drawn me to watching Oprah is her willingness to learn and change her way of thinking about something. And her willingness to be vulnerable as she was her first Master Class, 2 episodes about her past. Her Super Soul Sunday is the closest I can get to "god stuff" so I'll take that.

Im not saying that one shouldnt dislike her or her style, these are just my opinions. Anyone that can "find" a rather ok but clearly ego-craving Dr Phil, has faults.

As to what she said about Clayton Moss. Yes, its rather a one sided argument, if you will, usually (at least in my world) stated by ones thats not had real abuse in their life. But, Oprah has. So she should know better. Not necessarly as maybe her abuse has been pushed down or being processed slowly over time as her view of abuse and healing of abuse has changed a bit through the years.

I dont know. Most ive talked to hates Oprah and or worships her...im in the middle seeing her through human filtered glasses. I cling to her words "when we know better, we do better". Those words have literally saved my life and helps me not judge myself so harshly. It has also helped me to see that people may not know better yet so they can only do what they know and eventually may know better. ;)