Meadowsweet
Diamond Member
I don't have any friends because I'm really afraid of getting close to people or letting people in. So it's a big thing for me to reach out and make the first move or make myself available for friendship. But I did that recently, with someone that I've spoken to on a forum (not this one) for a few years, but I made the first move and gave them my email address and we've passed a few mails between us.
Then my 'friend' had a small disagreement with someone on the forum and left, and I sent a message of support, and then a couple of days later, the other person was talking about them on the public forum and I thought I was being supportive by saying it was a two way thing, not one way. But the other person said that they had spoken to my friend and sorted it out and I should mind my own business.
So that leaves me feeling like I've done something really wrong, but the intention was to be supportive and friendly and try to make peace. Then my 'friend' pops up and says that they had spoken and that nothing was sorted, that she appreciated the support but doesn't want to hear from anyone via email again.
I realise that these are two people playing stupid mind games with each other and I don't expect them to remotely understand what it does to me. It is only a little knock, but when it's the first time I've tried being more friendly in such a long time, it is a little knock in a very sensitive area.
I don't want it to stop myself from making that move again after what ought to be a minor set back - but how do I convince my mind that it's ok to do the same thing another time. Or is it? Am I just an idiot going about things in the wrong way?
Then my 'friend' had a small disagreement with someone on the forum and left, and I sent a message of support, and then a couple of days later, the other person was talking about them on the public forum and I thought I was being supportive by saying it was a two way thing, not one way. But the other person said that they had spoken to my friend and sorted it out and I should mind my own business.
So that leaves me feeling like I've done something really wrong, but the intention was to be supportive and friendly and try to make peace. Then my 'friend' pops up and says that they had spoken and that nothing was sorted, that she appreciated the support but doesn't want to hear from anyone via email again.
I realise that these are two people playing stupid mind games with each other and I don't expect them to remotely understand what it does to me. It is only a little knock, but when it's the first time I've tried being more friendly in such a long time, it is a little knock in a very sensitive area.
I don't want it to stop myself from making that move again after what ought to be a minor set back - but how do I convince my mind that it's ok to do the same thing another time. Or is it? Am I just an idiot going about things in the wrong way?
