- Post starter
- #13
I am sure you're right. I feel like there is something missing sometimes. Like there is something wrong. Like I'm missing something important. We'll see.
I keep getting severe somatic pains down there. It feels like I'm being hurt down there. It feels like something is inside of my and touching me down there and stimulating me sometimes. It is to the point the 50-80% of almost every day is filled with these sensations that are at times excruciatingly painful.
But yet, I have no memories of sexual abuse. Not horrific kind anyway.
See I don't think I have any blanks. I perceive my life as whole. No blanks. But there have been times when I'm in another "state" as I call it or when I am a "different me", that I am sure I have blanks. So it all depends on which Me I am I guess. Idk.
But yeah. Some of the abuse was like bad but idk. I have been having somatic experiences of things that feel VERY real but these body memories (if that's what they are) would indicate something far worse happened than what I remember. And I have no memories of penetrative abuse.
It mostly feels like I'm being punched down there. Over and over. Sometimes it burns. Other times I feel like I'm being electrocuted. Other times I swear I can feel someone or something gently touching my down there and ugh, spreading me apart...
I can feel the electricity one in my whole body. Like I'm being shocked in various parts of my body and it feels like an actual electric shock. The other one feels like something is ramming into me down there (the punching feeling). And then the most recent one was what felt like something was either just sliding out of my V or just beginning to spread me apart and slide in. It felt so real I even took my clothes off and put my finger inside of myself to try and find whatever was doing that. I was 100% confused when I found nothing down there.
