Male Or Female Therapist?

[raven123]

Hey,

I didn't get to go by there today after a morning appt. like I thought I could have. I was pissed they didn't call like they said and it was 10 miles out of my way so I figured I'd see if they call today. Well, they (the counselor) didn't call today either. So much for trying to get me in on Friday (today). What a joke! If you want to know how men are ignored by these "rape crisis" organizations, here you go. You know, I wonder if Ms. Religion even sent my stuff to that "counselor"? Now, I want to go down their and cuss someone the f*ck out. I may do that Monday.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe they're inept and it has nothing to do with the fact that you're a guy.

I caution you against this mode of thinking, as I've seen others go this route and its counterproductive. Now I'm not saying that they aren't discriminating against you because you're male, I just wouldn't automatically jump to this conclusion.

 

[Rumors]

I think SOL has a valid point. Had I been able to intellectualize that thought into words, it would be my advice as well.

Raven, do you think that part of your struggle might lie with perhaps your sexuality? PLEASE don't feel obligated to answer this dear. This can be food for thought only! I almost feel like you are so angry that your outward expression is to be upset with others about their inability to relate to men and SA but in reality your inner self might relate more to women. You speak of your mom but your dad is a "sperm donor." It is almost like you hate yourself for being a man.

I have no idea Raven but I do know that you are really angry and I can't blame you AT ALL!!! I just urge you to be angry at the right things and the right people. Perhaps you left that counselor with the impression you weren't ready for therapy? Your hyper vigilance to religion seems understandable since you feel like how could God let this happen to a little boy. However, I can sit with atheists, I can sit with the most Burn in hell religious fanatics and listen to their messages because I am ok with what I believe in. Instead of becoming angry at the person who is trying to help you and automatically putting a label on them, try discussing it. Ask them, "is this a religious affiliated help center? If so, it perhaps isn't for me because...." Instead, you left, came up with your own conclusions and still have no answers. Why? Because you are so angry with so many things you don't have the capacity to let anyone in. Raven, in order for you to actually find some help, you have to accept it. It won't be perfect but it is available. Plus, it depends on you being open and a willing participant. If everyone in life is subpar, incompetent, and inaccessible religious fanatics who push their own agenda onto you then where you are now is exactly where you will be 10 years from now.

((Hugs)) if it is ok but I have to warn you, I believe in God ;) so it is a Holy Hug! Hang in there!

 

[raven123]

Thanks for responding.

ScaredofLonely, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm gonna pass on them anyway. The reason I'm going to pass is this--too many use religion to try and explain things they can't, or don't understand, or don't want to understand. I wouldn't be able to talk freely there. So, no point in spending time on being frustrated.

Rumors, I believe in God, but I hate, hate religion. It makes me want to puke. And, honestly, I think most of it is ridiculous. Yeah, they are pushing an agenda there. Sounds like they blame the victim for everything. Well, "if you weren't sinning...you wouldn't be this screwed up" type thing. Heard that crap before?

Rumors, that's just how a lot of us spiritual abused people think. I was willing to go to one appointment to see if anything was there (information was what I was looking for). I could take the information, do it myself and just not go back. I offered to wait to make an appointment with this counselor. No, he'd call they said.


"Spiritual Abuse:
Authority and Power - abusive groups misuse and distort the concept of spiritual authority. Abuse arises when leaders of a group arrogate to themselves power and authority that lacks the dynamics of open accountability and the capacity to question or challenge decisions made by leaders. The shift entails moving from general respect for an office bearer to one where members loyally submit without any right to dissent.

Manipulation and Control - abusive groups are characterized by social dynamics where fear, guilt, and threats are routinely used to produce unquestioning obedience, group conformity, and stringent tests of loyalty to the leaders are demonstrated before the group. Biblical concepts of the leader-disciple relationship tend to develop into a hierarchy where the leader's decisions control and usurp the disciple's right or capacity to make choices on spiritual matters or even in daily routines of what form of employment, form of diet and clothing are permitted.

Elitism and Persecution - abusive groups depict themselves as unique and have a strong organizational tendency to be separate from other bodies and institutions. The social dynamism of the group involves being independent or separate, with diminishing possibilities for internal correction and reflection. Outside criticism and evaluation is dismissed as the disruptive efforts of evil people seeking to hinder or thwart.

Life-style and Experience - abusive groups foster rigidity in behavior and in belief that requires unswerving conformity to the group's ideals and social mores.

Dissent and Discipline - abusive groups tend to suppress any kind of internal challenges and dissent concerning decisions made by leaders. Acts of discipline may involve emotional and physical humiliation, physical violence or deprivation, acute and intense acts of punishment for dissent and disobedience."

That's what my sperm donor and his churches instilled my whole childhood. So, I believe God and Jesus hated my ass and I was going to hell anyway. And, I was never important or valued either. It destroys, and did with me, any belief in a "loving, gentle God". It takes a long, long, long time to recover from and then one might not ever return to anything religious like church or books on it. My sperm donor did a lot of damage. So, did mother to a point.

I did find this, with tons of good info, http://www.survivorsmanchester.org.uk/. Wish I lived there to go to it.

Rumors, I'll have to think on your other stuff.

 

[raven123]

Rumors, I am angry. Imagine you woke up and found everything you believed in was a lie, including religion and God. That's been me the last year and half. Uncovering one lie after another. I trusted a lot of people who did me a lot of harm, including self-serving shrinks who saw a sucker. Three of which told me I was hopeless. What kind of loser tells someone that is suicidal they are hopeless? I have no idea how to trust, or whom. And, I did a lot of while I was deathly sick on top of it. Imagine never connecting with anyone your whole life because you didn't have the skills to do it and you suffered lots of abuse. Yeah, I'm pissed. Hell, I should be pissed.

 

[Rumors]

No question, Raven. I understand you are pissed and in a lot of ways I am facing the same exact issues. Who do I trust, people who were supposed to protect me didn't, people who take advantage of me and dispose of me the second I am no further use to them. No question I get that. However, my message to you is direct your anger in the appropriate places. The person who preaches the importance of Go in your life may truly believe that and nothing more. I feel you are angry at and with everyone. That is a very hard and lonely place for you to be.

I want to type more but it will be later. :(

 

[raven123]

Rumors,

I'm sorry you are facing the same kind of issues.

Maybe I'm tired of not being heard? Not being important enough to be helped by someone that knows what the f they are doing? Maybe not being important enough for people to listen to me? I'm tired of being told there is someone worse off, or some other shit. I told God, "If I ain't important enough for you to send me the help I need, then what the f*ck good are you? I'm sick of going through this shit alone with no one to talk to. I ain't asking, begging or anything else from nobody. I asked once and that's it. Do or don't do." Go boldly cause you really have nothing to lose. I sure as hell don't.

That lady the other day made me extremely angry because a) she wouldn't listen to me (I wanted to tell her) and b) just wanted to shove a bunch of crap I don't understand and/or was totally wrong down my throat.

 

[Rumors]

What do you want to say, Raven? I am listening. Say it and keep saying it if you need to until you have purged all of it. It is like a noose around your neck and you have got to cut the rope before you choke.

I say this only because I have followed your posts here for a while, please do all you can to listen when needed, let someone help you, and step outside of the box when entertaining ways to heal. I know you are angry and you deserve to be angry but you cannot go through life angry with everyone or you will be miserable until the day you die and I don't think that is what you want. ;)

 

[raven123]

Rumors,

I want to recount my rape in it's entirety to someone in-person. All the details, the nitty-gritty. I didn't know the nitty-gritty till recently. I'm also the one it happened to. It just can't be done online. I've written it down in pen in my diary. Only place it'll ever be written down. That's where my hell started. Thank you for the offer though. :)

 

[Rumors]

Ok, but at least you have isolated what it is you need. I never knew because you were kind of all over the board with a few things.

Anyone within an hours drive of you that you could see? Perhaps you looked at surrounding areas I don't know but maybe there is a T outside of your county? Or even a program? Keep looking Raven. Hang in there!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I hope you find someone to process your trauma with.

I think that a lot of people expect to find a great amount of healing in just talking about it, and while it can be helpful, it's still not processing. I think that to get the greatest amount of healing you need to truly process the trauma; and processing goes beyond stating the "nitty-gritty". In fact, processing doesn't necessarily entail sharing the nitty-gritty. Mine didn't.

 

[raven123]

Thank you both for responding.

Rumors,

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Shrinks didn't let me tell it or explore it so that's why it took from 27 to 44 to know the whole thing. I know of nothing like that near me. Looked and looked for that in the last year and half and didn't find anything.

ScaredofLonely,

I'm not sure what "processing the trauma" is really. That should tell you how bad the shrinks were that I had. LOL They never even taught me a grounding technique. LOL Somebody on here did that. I'm sure that would help, but I do need to tell it to someone since I've never told it to anyone. Didn't know it all till now.

I don't want to put that rape and the details online for one simple reason--I don't want pedos getting their jollies off on my story.

My system, the other alters, is sort of in disarray from all this crap. Need to bring them back around. That has been my support for 40 years.

The rape started all this for sure. It didn't help that I was abandoned with these two sickos. And, yeah, I do believe I was left there on purpose to be abused. My sperm donor knew what happened.