I was diagnosed with Add and Ptsd. I have struggled with various meds and finally got prescribed adderall which brought me back to my old self again. All was well, but the medical profession really advised counseling which has basically ruined my life.
I have been to see quite a few councilors, all who don't come right out and say it but lean toward U need to separate from your husband of 22 years and move forward by yourself.
2 years ago I felt strong enough to go and I moved out for 2 weeks after my husband was verbally abusive which made me triggered and ready to run. I took all his pot (which he would only share on his terms) and a great friend let me stay with her. On my own I found the counselors couldn't help me, I had no money, there was lots of pressure to get a job, get an apartment, I had no car, couldn't come up with first last security etc. I saw my husband at the gas station and we talked and he was crying and sorry and everything was gonna be forgiven? as long as I come home.
As soon as I got home nothing had changed. He blamed the meds, when though he knows I am taking but knows absolutely nothing about what adderall is or does or or why. He doesn't go to the doctor himself and thinks "everybody sucks at their job and don't know what they are doing." He made me promise never to see another psychiatrist and I agreed because I was fed up at that point. Living on my own was sad and scary. My primary doctor perscribes my adderall now, my husband knows it.
Fast forward to two months ago. My primary care physician says, you are not yourself. You need to see the psychiatrist just to talk about meds.
I agreed because I was feeling super depressed.
I see this nice lady and she perscribed oxycarbezine. I researched them and found out they are for bi-polar. I start taking it and feel 100% better. I put my pills on the shelf with the adderall and look forward to feeling better.
Then strangely my husband stops talking to me for three days. I have no idea why but am freaking out not knowing. When he does he is in such a rage I am actually terrified. He is not physically abusive, more shaking and red and angry. He tells me how "every time I take pills I leave him" and starts crying and actually begs me not to take the new pills. I flush them down the toilet.
Now these oxycarbezine made me feel better, so the doctor understood what happened and got me some more, which I keep hidden.
Then I went on vacation last week and all the adderall capsules were empty. I thought there was a problem at the pharmacy and when I came back from vacation and told them they took it very seriously.
So I get another adderall perscription, take one, feel fabulous. Put them on the shelf. Yesterday found every capsule empty. I confront my husband, who proudly admits he did it because it was making me suffer (I am not sure why he assumed that) and nobody was smart enough to take me off of them and he has been watching and I am doing so much better! I told him he had no right to do that and he was just smug. I tried to leave the house to go get coffee and calm down and he wouldn't let me. He told me how I have "ruined my life with drugs," (I only smoke pot) "drugs made me do things I would never do" (take his pot) "you have no idea what you did to me last time, you said horrible things about me" (not true) and if I see another psychiatrist or take any more perscription drugs we are done and he would take my dog. I took a shower and ended up so weak I spent yesterday in bed. He slept on the couch and thinks everything should be ok.
I am freaking out! I don't want to have to hide my pills! I am truly not a bad person. I try to do good and be good always. I don't know what to do. Now I guess I am off the adderall, can't get an appointment til later this week with the primary care. I was feeling so much better on the oxycarbezine but now I am scared. I really love my husband, we have been married now 24 years. Before I was on meds my life was a mess, I drank a 6 pack of budlite a day. Once I began the adderall I quit drinking and life did get better and I Began making progress in my job and things have been going right for me. My husband will not go to the doctor and will not even consider the Add or ptsd. He said I had bad parents and that's it.
I don't want to go back to counseling either. It always made me feel like crap. Can anybody relate to this story and maybe give me some feedback?
Thanks
I have been to see quite a few councilors, all who don't come right out and say it but lean toward U need to separate from your husband of 22 years and move forward by yourself.
2 years ago I felt strong enough to go and I moved out for 2 weeks after my husband was verbally abusive which made me triggered and ready to run. I took all his pot (which he would only share on his terms) and a great friend let me stay with her. On my own I found the counselors couldn't help me, I had no money, there was lots of pressure to get a job, get an apartment, I had no car, couldn't come up with first last security etc. I saw my husband at the gas station and we talked and he was crying and sorry and everything was gonna be forgiven? as long as I come home.
As soon as I got home nothing had changed. He blamed the meds, when though he knows I am taking but knows absolutely nothing about what adderall is or does or or why. He doesn't go to the doctor himself and thinks "everybody sucks at their job and don't know what they are doing." He made me promise never to see another psychiatrist and I agreed because I was fed up at that point. Living on my own was sad and scary. My primary doctor perscribes my adderall now, my husband knows it.
Fast forward to two months ago. My primary care physician says, you are not yourself. You need to see the psychiatrist just to talk about meds.
I agreed because I was feeling super depressed.
I see this nice lady and she perscribed oxycarbezine. I researched them and found out they are for bi-polar. I start taking it and feel 100% better. I put my pills on the shelf with the adderall and look forward to feeling better.
Then strangely my husband stops talking to me for three days. I have no idea why but am freaking out not knowing. When he does he is in such a rage I am actually terrified. He is not physically abusive, more shaking and red and angry. He tells me how "every time I take pills I leave him" and starts crying and actually begs me not to take the new pills. I flush them down the toilet.
Now these oxycarbezine made me feel better, so the doctor understood what happened and got me some more, which I keep hidden.
Then I went on vacation last week and all the adderall capsules were empty. I thought there was a problem at the pharmacy and when I came back from vacation and told them they took it very seriously.
So I get another adderall perscription, take one, feel fabulous. Put them on the shelf. Yesterday found every capsule empty. I confront my husband, who proudly admits he did it because it was making me suffer (I am not sure why he assumed that) and nobody was smart enough to take me off of them and he has been watching and I am doing so much better! I told him he had no right to do that and he was just smug. I tried to leave the house to go get coffee and calm down and he wouldn't let me. He told me how I have "ruined my life with drugs," (I only smoke pot) "drugs made me do things I would never do" (take his pot) "you have no idea what you did to me last time, you said horrible things about me" (not true) and if I see another psychiatrist or take any more perscription drugs we are done and he would take my dog. I took a shower and ended up so weak I spent yesterday in bed. He slept on the couch and thinks everything should be ok.
I am freaking out! I don't want to have to hide my pills! I am truly not a bad person. I try to do good and be good always. I don't know what to do. Now I guess I am off the adderall, can't get an appointment til later this week with the primary care. I was feeling so much better on the oxycarbezine but now I am scared. I really love my husband, we have been married now 24 years. Before I was on meds my life was a mess, I drank a 6 pack of budlite a day. Once I began the adderall I quit drinking and life did get better and I Began making progress in my job and things have been going right for me. My husband will not go to the doctor and will not even consider the Add or ptsd. He said I had bad parents and that's it.
I don't want to go back to counseling either. It always made me feel like crap. Can anybody relate to this story and maybe give me some feedback?
Thanks
