Marriage Vs. Meds

[Chaos]

Well then, if he's too lazy or selfish to see a counsellor and wants to take charge of your medica...

He will not be reading it

 

[Justmehere]

Ok big fight now it's over. I have just lost everything

What's happening now? Are you still together?

Are you in any counseling or support groups of any kind for recovery from addiction and/or dealing with bi-polar disorder?

 

[Justmehere]

I have been smoking pot for years and my husband will not go to marriage counseling. I told him what was said on this post and he was like ha abuse.

What are you trying to avoid that leads you to self medicate with pot?

It is clear you are trying to change someone you have NO control over: him.

This is a hard truth, but you will never be able to change him. He is the only one who can change himself. He is clear about his choices and what is and isn't ok with him. Right or wrong, you can't change him and you will both fail at this relationship if you continue to put all your work into trying to get him to change.

I'd suggest focusing on the one person you do have any control over: you.

Working on your recovery and your boundaries and your health is the very best chance you have at making this relationship work. Without that critical work, this relationship will sink - together or apart.

I hear you. I did try quitting pot and smoking cigarettes because I though they were more socially acceptable. I found them super addictive and they gave me a bad Anxiety issue. I like smoking. I tried vaping but that's not for me.

You are chasing a quick fix. I have done it myself, so there is no judgement coming from me.

You started counseling but quit when it got hard. Therapy usually makes things worse before it gets better. That's a sign of good trauma therapy. It gets really hard for awhile because we have to finally deal with things we couldn't hack on our own. (Yes there are bad therapists and therapies out there, but don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. There is good help too.)

You try various meds and substances, but as soon as there is a down side or push back, you are ready to quit them. Meds usually come with huge drawbacks. Self medication usually leads to all kinds of relationship issues about many different things.

You tried moving out, but as soon as reality hit of the work it takes to sustain a home and a life alone, after just two short weeks, you bailed.

It's either all or nothing.

Instead, pursue small steady steps forward. Save up money for the deposit on a place. Find more steady work. Find other supports.

Most of all if you want to get better and sustain the new improved heath, you will have to do the exact opposite of what you are doing: learn to endure (not escape) pain. It freaking sucks, I know...

But if you keep doing what you are doing now, you will keep getting the same results. If the way things are now is good enough for you, with your husband being the way he has always been and will always be, then by all means, keep doing what you are doing.

If the way things are now isn't ok with you, and you need something to change... then you have to start with you. No matter how abusive and horrible he is, you can't change him. You can choose how you will respond and what you will do with your life.

It's beginning to become a little more clear why he is freaking out about seeing the bottle of pills. It is about so much more than his dislike and distrust of doctors. It will not be solved by simply you choosing to not taking meds as prescribed by a doctor. It will keep coming up. He won't change simply because you give in to this demand. Instead, he will KNOW that he can make demands and you will give him exactly what he wants.

Keep exploring other options. Don't fall into the same trap you feel like he is in, where the fear of change keeps you stuck. Just think about if you had never made the risky change of starting meds from a doctor.

If you choose to stay with him, it doesn't mean that therefore things have to stay the way they are. There are still ways to make other changes towards health and take smaller steps that stay and no meds or go and no money.

If you choose to stay and hide the meds, don't stop at that. Look into other ways to build up supports - friends, healthy hobbies, support groups. Explore self help options to build up good coping skills -- not to escape pain, but to endure it and get past it. He doesn't have to know you are even going to AA or al anon or another recovery support services.

Read all you can on co-dependency. I can tell you don't want him to be in pain, and you are overwhelmed with pain yourself, and learning to break these enmeshed codependent patterns will help you both begin to work through and resolve the very real pain you are both in.

 

[Chaos]

What's happening now? Are you still together?

Yes

Are you in any counseling or support groups of any ki...

No.

What are you trying to avoid that leads you to self medicate with pot?

I don't know

It is clear you are trying...

Everything you said is awesome This is huge and truly helpful and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Charles Desper]

Hi there,


If you happen to live in/around Phoenix AZ my friend has a property management company. Most of her owners take dogs. We have 3 little brats (shih-Tzus). I have PTSD and borderline, I think that I have ADD but the therapist doesn't.

Kick your husband somewhere it will hurt REALLY bad and run away!!!!

Good luck!

 

[Freedomfighter]

I was diagnosed with Add and Ptsd. I have struggled with various meds and finally got prescribed adderal...

Uhuhuh, hands up, I know this one, I know this one teacher (pun fully intended buddy):

Someone that acts like this knows that when the abused patient gets better he or she will be out the door going towards a life they really deserve.....
As long as you are under his control he can prevent you from getting the life you deserve without him. But he knows as soon as you get healthy and get independent his days will be counted. That is just what an abuser does.

Many guys do that, they try to f... with your money and your health to make you dependent on them. You are in a dangerous situation, I really don't want to scare you because you are scared already.

But someone like that who can not control his anger (flashbacks of my ex setting in at any moment now) is a vile and dangerous slug. Boy do I know a lot of such dangerous slugs.

You need protection from this person, you may have to get the law involved on this one before it is too late. I swear when I see your description this guy sounds like he is ready for a little Amok run.