Dom Violence Married To A Narcissist

[Deleted member 30850]

Do you have someone you can trust who will stand with you when you inform soon-to-be-ex you are leaving? I ask as I was so terrified before informing my somewhat abusive ex husband I was ending our marriage I quit eating and lost 7lbs in a week (I was already pretty thin, too.) My ex said cruel things to me and was SUPER angry!

Also, lock down your own money, NOW.

 

[shimmerz]

when you inform soon-to-be-ex you are leaving?

This part didn't work out so well for me. He was prepared. Just making a note. Not for everyone.

 

[Deleted member 30850]

This part didn't work out so well for me. He was prepared. Just making a note. Not for everyone.[/QU...

I wish I could have avoided the confrontation altogether but my situation didn't allow it, unfortunately. Also, my ex refused to pay any divorce fees and hid, trying to avoid being served. The day my divorce was finalized was joyous.

Now, I'm remarried to a completely different sort of man and have the children my ex wouldn't allow. This is for the OP; things will be much, much better. You will be ok. :)

 

[shimmerz]

I wish I could have avoided the confrontation altogether but my situation didn't allow it,

But if the situation DOES allow it, it is much safer, don't you agree?

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

Do you have someone you can trust who will stand with you when you inform soon-to-be-ex you are leav...

Yes, I have someone I plan to ask to be there with me when it happens. I also have my own money building up for my protection and peace of mind. He has threatened to remove me from the account before. I have a meeting set up with a lawyer soon

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

I am trying to plan for any possible retaliation he may come up with. I hope I haven't missed anything. I'll be happy when it's over. I know I will get through this as hard as it will be. I just can't take it any more.

 

[starpainter]

I admit I'm nervous and a bit scared to post this. I have PTSD from verbally and emotionally abusi...

I have CPTSD from my narcicist.I have consumed myself with psychology in order to understand what he is doing and why.He wants you to become emotionally dependant. I can't work because of my CPTSD and a deformed hip.I on some crazy level feel attached to him and can't figure out why.It's disgusting after everything he has done to me.He is no longer abusive toward me physically or sexually.I have left him and with my CPTSD it was traumatizing. The game is you have to manipulate him and diconnect with him. Try to cut off your dependance emotionally or him will turn you into a psychotic mess that you won't be able to get out of.Don't know what my plan is but for now I am waiting and strenthening because a part of me doesn't think he will ever change.We hope they will but the truth is they won't.Do what you have to do for yourself.One day at a time for me.Play his cards against him.

 

[Anarchy]

@starpainter
Please do not try to play games, or to "win"

If you try to "win" it means that you are already playing the narcissists game - all that you are doing is feeding them.

You have a simple choice in this;
Detach, with as little cost to you as possible, and devote your energy to living your own life.
Or
Continue to play other people's twisted games for them.

 

[talon]

I admit I'm nervous and a bit scared to post this. I have PTSD from verbally and emotionally abusi...

not acceptable complain about this only you share about you. He needs to understand that assumptions makes an ass of us all. Telling you what to feel, how you feel sounds like he needs full control of you . That's his problem not yours . Take care of yourself don't accept anything you don't want or need . Is there a reliance on him home share etc if so you need to sort this out but mutually not on his terms

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

I just want to let everyone on this post know that I made it out. It wasn't easy but I divorced him. The children and I are now safe. He only attacks me in emails and not in person. He goes into narcissistic rages every so often but I'm learning to not engage. Thank you all for your support.

 

[Anarchy]

Well done getting out.
:hug: