Maybe I'm Meant To Be Alone.

[Secretgirl]

I went to the bar with some friends from home tonight, even though u know I shouldn't drink I wanted to go out and have a fun time with my friends from high school like we used too. I ended up crying In the bathroom at a friends with people I just met about my ptsd and how I feel like nobody understands or cares to acknowledge why I get so upset so easily. While I was upstairs crying my "best friends" ditched me to go back to their room with my alcohol and all my stuff was in their room. My other friend refused to drop me off at home when I asked while he was leaving even though I already started crying and would have pa D for his gas. I thought these people were my friends but I guess they don't really care about me. I'm it makes me feel like everyone is just pretending to be my friend and doesn't actually care about me at all. I feel like I'm desposable or replaceable and nobody actually wanted to listen to me or how I feel. Everything's been getting a little better until tonight. I feel like I'm back in a negative setting and feels like no matter how much I try to work on myself the same bad things happen to me like I'll never get o we this or be able
To move on. I'm embarrassed that I cried in front of basically strangers and let them see how weak and pathetic I actually am compare to them. I feel like there normal and I'm too f*cked up to hangout with them. Nobody even came up to talk to me or dance at the bar. It's like I wasn't even there anyways so why should I actually be there in reality when I can just leave and not be a burden to everybody in my life.

 

[Friday]

PTSD sure does this 1+1=72, doesn't it?

You had a bad night.

Does that mean you'll always be alone? No.
Does that mean you're meant to be alone? No.
Does that mean bad things will always happen to you? No.

It means you had a bad night. There are probably some things to learn from tonight, but jumping from not having fun to end of the world? (Or at the very least end of ever being liked, being social, having fun out, everything/always & nobody/never & OMFG no point)? Not one of them.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Definitely agreeing with fridayjones, and also, there are always times when everything feels awful, and like the world is falling apart, and those when everything seems great. So this is completely normal, and it's a feeling, now, not a thing forever.

Also, very important to realize that it feeling that way doesn't mean it is that way, feeling and fact are different, a person with bad self image might think and feel they are fat, while they are extremely starved.

I recommend reading this, hopefully it helps: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

Sending hugs if you accept :hug:

 

[Casey_03]

I used to find myself in this situation way too often, and I'd end up asking the same questions you are. But you know what? It's the alcohol. Seriously, it magnifies things so that they seem way out of proportion; alcohol will take some seedling of minor insecurity in the back of your mind and blow it up to the point you think no one cares. That is simply not true; you're just trapped in this weird bubble and alcohol probably blurred things for you a bit. Your friends probably do care but either didn't know how to help you or feared they might make things worse. Or they were just too drunk to be empathetic? Really, I think this all boils down to the booze. I've been here so many times; I'd start crying while out with friends, the alcohol would make me so self-defeating that any time they'd try to comfort me i'd just get more and more negative, etc, and ultimately they'd give up and I'd think they were all jerks. I'm not saying you are the same way, but it does seem like alcohol often has that effect on people with PTSD and others just don't know how to do deal with it. My advice is to let this go and avoid drinking, and if you really doubt your friends' sincerity, try to assess their behavior with you while sober, not after everyone has been drinking.

 

[GrowingJoy]

I agree with @Casey_03. I have had migraines for most of my life and quit alcohol to feel better. At first it was tough because everyone drinks when they socialize. Now I see that people just want to party all the time to numb themselves out. I have different friends now and I am happier for it. I do things during the daytime, like go to a museum or work on a project. I get better sleep, I am more relaxed, and I just don't miss it at all.

I know when you're younger, that's what people do, but there are a LOT of really awesome people who don't drink or drink moderately and are more interested in connection. Real, true friendship type of connection.

 

[Go Hungry]

I'm thinking Casey is dead right on this one. You can't rely on drunk feelings to forecast that your fated to always be alone. Alcohol is really a bad deal if you're depressed.. Only makes things worse. And for GOD'S SAKE don't drink alone. I started that way and ended up being an alcoholic. Not saying your going to, but just a warning.

And the bar scene is always hit and miss.. don't judge your life on such a fickle thing...