- Post starter
- #361
Took some time to read all your posts and contemplate the pics. Yes that cake looks yummy Lizio.
I really dreaded my weekend with my son wondering how he would take the last news, but he took it well. He compared my treatments like those with kidney dialysis. He and his wife are worried about my strength - physical strenght that is. I am weaker, I'm losing weight, this time a bit more than the other times, so hopefully I will be able gain a bit of strength and weight this week.
I didn't sleep well though, had so many things running through my mind, couldn't shut anything down. Even if he seems to accept the news, I realize that I'm still in the grieving process stuck between denial and anger. I have thoughts like, how long will I be able to take care of my appartment before it becomes too much of a burden for me ? How long before I find it too difficult to cook just a simple meal every day ? Things like that that have never crossed my mind before. Like, will I ever get used to this chemo so that I can babysit my grand kids again ?
Angry because I already had enough to deal with the PTSD, now this. Imagine a frog pouting. I'm here in front of my computor with all the wonderful words, prayers and pics you all send and I feel that the only thing that I seem to be able to do today is to sleep and sit writing these words. I keep my energy for my walks, get some fresh air and to get out a bit and stay in contact with all the nature that surrounds me ...
Now, like we say in french, I'm going to go from du coq à l'âne ... translated means going from the rooster to the donkey ...Means a quick and sudden change of subject.
This morning, very early we left my son's place so that he could drop me off before heading off to work. They have very little light pollution where they live and I had an awesome moment with the heavens ... seeing so many stars and so clearly as well as the moon (last quarter). I stood there looking at all that was above me and I forgot my worries, my lack of sleep, my losses. If it wasn't for the fact that we had to leave, I would have loved to contemplate the sky and just find the constellations, something that would have been trivial before suddenly becomes so important and majestic.
Once again, thanks for listening to me.
I really dreaded my weekend with my son wondering how he would take the last news, but he took it well. He compared my treatments like those with kidney dialysis. He and his wife are worried about my strength - physical strenght that is. I am weaker, I'm losing weight, this time a bit more than the other times, so hopefully I will be able gain a bit of strength and weight this week.
I didn't sleep well though, had so many things running through my mind, couldn't shut anything down. Even if he seems to accept the news, I realize that I'm still in the grieving process stuck between denial and anger. I have thoughts like, how long will I be able to take care of my appartment before it becomes too much of a burden for me ? How long before I find it too difficult to cook just a simple meal every day ? Things like that that have never crossed my mind before. Like, will I ever get used to this chemo so that I can babysit my grand kids again ?
Angry because I already had enough to deal with the PTSD, now this. Imagine a frog pouting. I'm here in front of my computor with all the wonderful words, prayers and pics you all send and I feel that the only thing that I seem to be able to do today is to sleep and sit writing these words. I keep my energy for my walks, get some fresh air and to get out a bit and stay in contact with all the nature that surrounds me ...
Now, like we say in french, I'm going to go from du coq à l'âne ... translated means going from the rooster to the donkey ...Means a quick and sudden change of subject.
This morning, very early we left my son's place so that he could drop me off before heading off to work. They have very little light pollution where they live and I had an awesome moment with the heavens ... seeing so many stars and so clearly as well as the moon (last quarter). I stood there looking at all that was above me and I forgot my worries, my lack of sleep, my losses. If it wasn't for the fact that we had to leave, I would have loved to contemplate the sky and just find the constellations, something that would have been trivial before suddenly becomes so important and majestic.
Once again, thanks for listening to me.
