Me: Ptsd, My Partner: Bi-polar 2

[Hyppi.Love]

Please help me, I have been with my partner for 8 years and she openly admits to having bi-polar ii, in the 14 years since I have known her I have seen her lose jobs, friends, other partners, etc. and I have been her support system...to make an extremely long story short one minute she is making up lies saying she is not stupid and I am plotting and doing things against her. The next she says she loves me.

She is a very smart person and sometimes I think she ultimately doesn't want to be with me, but when Things begin to trigger my illness (PTSD) due to the things she says & does to me I experience each & every PTSD symptom. I lose all ability to stop my self from hitting "episodic bottoms". When I am like that she always leaves saying I don't care or love her after she has done everything to push me away while I beg to stay with her.

Almost exactly 3 months after, she or I will see each other and by then my memory has blocked the incident and she always apologizes, if I let go she always figures out a way to make me OK with trying again. Ironically, she is protective, hard working, supportive, and strong when she is good.

Over the last 8 years she has broken my heart, spirit, and we have a child (I have 3 total 2 are adults, the other is 5) I see times when she confuses the kiddo with her mania and I really don't know what to do other than try to stand up for him or myself only to get demolished mentally by her. Everything I do is wrong. She has a way of putting me down, controlling me, and has told me when I cry it is not because I am hurt it is because I want my way. This happens even when I agree with her, she then tells me I'm weak and I have no back bone...

She makes up false scenarios about things That make no sense. I have never cheated on her and I have been on life support many times because my PTSD is so escalated I began to have " neuro seizures" when I become overwhelmed. I am now on permanent disability, I have been restricted from driving & work. I need to know if this is signs of her illness because I am so hurt, I do love her, and I am willing to try, but only if she gets help. I'm not educated about BP ii and need the knowledge so I can try to get her to see she is ill. I think she would crush the last of the feelings I have left if I came to her without the logical knowledge.

I have been repeatedly cheated on numerous times... I myself have PTSD due to many traumatic events of this exact nature so I am spent. I know I sound like a dumb ass, but she was my best friend for 6 years before we got together and when she is not manic she treats me ..... I guess honestly anymore, I have been taking care of her for the last 2 months & it has been hell... Now I'm starting to see myself as garbage & scared to do any and everything. I'm going in to speak with my therapist this week but Id like outside help or support.

My family doesn't understand my illness & is the "keep moving forward" type not negatively, but it's hard to move forward when I'm stuck at times. This is my first post so please don't be to harsh

 

[Jen93]

A mental illness is no excuse for the way she is treating you. If she isn't in therapy for her bipolar, I think that she should be.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Bipolar disorder is really destructive and it doesn't sound like she is getting treatment or medication? Are you getting help for your PTSD?

I'm not educated about BP ii and need the knowledge so I can try to get her to see she is ill.

There are books about bipolar disorder.

Dead Link Removed

Dead Link Removed

But in the end it's all up to you, if you stay or leave. She is untreated, and if she refuses to get help then there is nothing you can do.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please don't tolerate abuse in the name of any mental disorder. She needs to be in therapy, and perhaps on medication as well.

I fail to see the positives of this relationship. Do you stay out of guilt?

 

[Hyppi.Love]

Thank you for response. No she has been off medication for a year and can't afford therapy. I've suggested applying for social security because due to the episodes she has lost jobs and has no insurance. She has more than enough medical documentation supporting her illness as she was diagnosed with mental illness at 10 years old. Yes I have been medicated and in therapy for 5 years. As far as the positives of the relationship & why I stay..... (This is getting exhausting and I am losing momentum, but I want to have hope) When she is over the episode she is opposite of all the negative behaviors. I stay because I know she is ill and I love her. I feel as though others abandon her due to the illness she is uneducated about. My own experience with society and the cruelty and or judgement toward mental illness keeps pushing me not to give up on her. Thank you again for taking you time.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, BUT.....she is doing nothing to help herself! Society is cruel, but at the same time, why should you (and your child) have to suffer because someone else wants to live in denial, take no personal responsibility, and hurt everyone else? Please don't fall into the "I need to save them because society has failed them" trap. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but honestly, if I hadn't gotten my own arse in gear and been 1000% motivated to heal, then yes, I think my family should have kicked me to the curb! It is extremely selfish to put a mental disorder on someone else without even trying to heal yourself. I understand that not everyone can work, afford therapy etc. BUT, that doesn't mean there aren't steps that can be taken to get better. I fear for your child as well. Why are you putting your partner above your child? Your partner is an adult, whereas your child, is well, a child, and needs you to look out for him and protect him.

 

[Hyppi.Love]

Thank you and no need for you to fear for my children one thing I am is a great parent to them. No I am not putting anyone before my child, hence the very reason I reached out for help and refused to stay in the dark. I wish you all well in everything. Blessings. Goodbye.

 

[reallydown]

Hi. I can sort of relate. I have PTSD and my (now former) best friend...whom I'm in love with has bipolar I. My friend is also extremely intelligent but like many bipolars, can't hold a job or finish school...It's definitely been a roller coaster ride though...and it's part of why I am hurting so badly now. We were close friends - I'd be the one my friend would call when she'd need grounding etc...

Anyway, long story short, she kept flirting with me, coming on to me etc even before I realized I loved her that way but I didn't take it seriously initially...But she kept doing that...and I eventually told her and tried to distance myself because I didn't think she felt the same but then she said she did (all the while continuing to behave as though she did)...Then suddenly she said she didn't feel that way after all...I was hurt...but we tried to stay friends (with my depression and hers...it was a challenge but we were getting on)...thens he started pushing me away even as a friend...She'd ask me to text her and I would; then she'd suddenly say it's better if I call...so I would (I was always there when she needed to talk) and she'd end up talking pretty much the whole time but would go off on me for talking and that it's not healthy to talk on the cell for more than 10 minutes (before all this when we tried the distance thing she' said she nearly killed herself when she wasn't talking to me)...I should add that even when she was saying she loves me etc I was very hesitant to move on it because I knew she is ill and wasn't sure plus she has a history of sexual abuse plus she slept around a lot while manic etc So I wanted to make sure if she really was serious, that she wanted to be in a relationship etc...Anyway she'd pushed me away and I was hurt but giving her space...And I could feel something was terribly wrong so I got a mutual friend to check on her and she wasn't responding...A few days after that she called me and kept telling me she loved me and apologizing etc I learned that she'd attempted suicide...I went to see her in hospital (asked if she'd be ok with that and she said she'd love if I visited)...Seeing her like that was one of the hardest things ever...Then she'd say we need to talk and that she likes me etc but I obviously wasn't going there under the circumstances...She said she needed someone to hang out with her after she got out of the hospital and I was there...We'd go for walks...I tried to animate her...help her with recovery and even managed to make her laugh sometimes even thoguh she was still very robotic etc but it was also super hard because the feelings were still there...Anyway, she left the country for about six months; this time she was taking her meds etc. We stayed in touch and in her contact with me there were many hints she felt the same way. When she came back she was doing a lot better and was a lot more stable...and then the flirting etc continued. She said and did things that suggested she feels something for me too.

We were headed for a relationship. And then she suddenly stopped texting. Stopped talking to me. She would answer texts but not nearly as often. Things changed suddenly and dramatically. I thought she just wasn't feeling well and so as always offered to be there for her etc. She kept saying she screwed up and "deserves this pain" etc. I didn't know what she was talking about but I suspected there might be someone else. She kept saying she loves me etc. I asked her if she loves me the way I love her and then (even though she'd made it pretty clear before but I won't go into detail as this is already too long) and she said she wasn't sure. I took that as a no but she kept insisting she wasn't sure. Given that it was a same sex thing, I thought that plausible especially since she's from a culture where it's a big no,no. And then shortly after that she tells me she met some guy (same cultural background) and has been hanging out with him for a while (all the while she was making me think there was a good chance of us being together)...Then her sister (who is...er...was my friend also got involved...Attacked me...Said I took advantage of her sister etc etc Was extremely nasty (and spewing lies) to the point where I asked her to leave me alone...Anyway...what I wanted to say was when she is well, she's the most amazing person...SHe's brilliant, kind, generous, funny etc. but...apparently she lied to her sister and lord knows what she made up...Having said that, I think part of the issue in this case may have been the sister (and possibly another family member) finding out and putting pressure on her...I have observed certain things etc that would suggest that.

Sorry this was so long...I guess I was trying to point out that some of it, at least, probably does have to do with the illness and not just your partner being an asshole. I suppose someone reading the above could conclude the same re my friend and that I am a dumbass for believing her etc. I didn't say many other things here (trying to keep it short...er...sigh.) I also know how exhausting it all is. Not only on the relationship level but also friendship. You are also constantly worrying about suicide etc. Even after the latest episode I was ready to stay friends with her but I just begged her not to do that to me again (Hopefully I wouldn't "fall for it" again but at the same time, she has that charm, charisma...I don'tknow what...and it would be hard to resist)...But because the sister and probably the family haven't quite accepted her illness yet (at least that's my take), I know I would probably be blamed for anything that went wrong...Anyway, I know you love her deeply and I know in my case, from the way the family, especially the sister who was now so "protective" have treated my friend - that it's very difficult to let go. It would feel like you are abandoning her, just like everyone else. But, maybe just maybe you need to at least take a break. And she will probably want you back and do everything to get you back and then she'll start the cycle again. The question is, can you handle that? Can you live like that?