Me

[cindirella51]

Dont quite know where to start.
I am 51 experienced alot of abuse as a children i had a very evil stepfather whom did evil things to me. He buried a child in my presence and I never told anyone I know I feared for my safe on some level but mostly just buried this memory, I have dealt with depression anxiety and self loathing all my life. I have never been good enough and in recent years realized that I blamed myself for not telling what I didnt even understand, he also killed animals in front of me and family pets, but he was quite manipulative and i came to recognize i have so much confusion about all of this, i didnt grow up in a family where it was safe to express your feelings unless they were anger. he was physically and sexually abusive also. he went to prison when I was 11 for a federal crime I never was him again after that, but always have had alot of problems and very few friends if any. I havent really told but 2 people about the violence, i think i always wanted to believe these things really didnt happen, i was always the blacksheep in the family and the one who got blamed for everything, the scapegoat. ok thanks

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum cindirella51, that is a good start, but what a start. No child should be a witness to such evil, I'm truly sorry for what happened to you and that child that got buried. Take time to read some articles, some posts / threads and keep writing your story or just venting out. You will meet members who have similar experiences. I found this forum great for meeting people. I so helped me with my PTSD. Just one question, are you seeing a therapist or psychologist for your anxiety and depression ?

 

[KP the nut]

Welcome to the forum, I'm pleased you found us.

 

[cindirella51]

Thank you for your welcome, it is a confusing thing to begin. I do see a psychiatrist, it is in the city mental health, they don't do much but give meds and don't treat anxiety, but I am getting by. Thanks

 

[Kim]

I'm 52 and was just recently diagnosed with PTSD / Complex Trauma. I was the black sheep and the scapegoat in my family as well so. I can't imagine witnessing the things you have. My heart goes out to you.

Welcome to the forum.