Medication And Self

[Behati]

Has anyone had any medication effects that distort their personality/sense of self?

I feel like a completely different person on medication. I don't 'relate to my memories' as such and I noticed a lot of 'out of character' behaviour in myself - yet I feel as if I am watching some kind of movie and have choice in my actions.

The worst of it started when I started coming off lexapro (AKA escatalopram - SSRI) I had very severe personality changes but it was unclear as to whether this was due to PTSD or Withdrawal Syndrome... I tapered off this medication as I had no emotions what so ever on lexapro which caused concern in my doctor and psychologist.

I lasted a year without meds - which was extremely painful and intense and I am now on Pristiq 100mg, where I can feel emotions but still don't feel like myself and it gets me extremely down to a very bad point.. Sometimes it bothers me more than the PTSD symptoms that come and go - even though medication helps to 'dampen' things a little.

Has anyone found anything similar in their experiences with medication? How do you deal with it and is there anything to 'fix' what you feel medication has done to you?

 

[Changing4Best]

I have had some changes in personality, I think, over the years. When I was younger and an artist, I hated mainstream art, the kind that sold well, since I was an out of the ordinary artist, leaning toward outsider art. Now that I am on meds, I find that what used to irk me, mainstream art, seems kind of nice to me now. I noticed this while I was in a doctor's office today, because there were some arts magazines on the table there, and I found myself feeling very irked by what I saw in the magazines. It even made me MAD!

Also, I wear my mother's engagement ring now, and I would not have been caught dead wearing such a thing in my younger years! I would have worn some way out kindof funky thing, surely not something as mundane as an old fashioned diamond ring.

I guess I have become somewhat conservative in my old age tastes. Something I would have balked at back then!

Who knows is this has anything to do with my meds, but I am on so many meds that I lost count! Maybe they have done this to me, I don't know. But I can relate to your sentiments there, I don't feel like myself.

 

[Aylion]

Hello Behati, I completely relate to the changes in personality that you are saying.. I actually stopped taking prozac because I didn't feel like myself and also because of the emotional numbness.

 

[Chava]

Something as commonplace as Prozac makes me much more dissociative. And I don't give a shit about anything when on any SSRI or SNRI. I just slowly self destruct without a care. On the typical anti-depressants I was really in a fog, even on a little dose, and made horribly weird decisions. I was NOT more myself but certainly some more empty-shell zombie version of a person. Looking back on those years of meds, I do not really recognize that person.

To "fix" what medication did to me I stayed off of it. I had to work through panic attacks without medication (which actually gave me more self confidence in dealing with them because I could work through them and not feel I needed to be rescued by a pill).

I'm on a couple meds for pain. One is gabapentin, which also relaxes me a bit. But I have to stay on a low dose because if I go up too much I get into that "Don't-give-a-shit-about-anything" place. But on a low dose I feel more like myself, just a little bit less scattered and disconnected.

 

[Behati]

@SheilaKathy being an artist, did you find that medication impacted your creativity or art?
I have a very frustrating time drawing; I can't concentrate and I seem to have some kind of 'blockage' where I can't seem to express myself creatively. It was something that I wanted to use as a career and still feel that is my calling but am in a complete rut about it because I 'can't create'..

 

[Changing4Best]

@Behati Yes, I cannot get any satisfaction from doing my art either. I have quit it entirely. This is partially due to the fact that I am poor, and basically unable to afford to carry on with doing my art also. But, yes, there are times when I cannot concentrate too. Also, my hands and eyes are not coordinating any more, so I cannot do it for that reason too, as well as the fact that I have arthritis in my fingers. For me, it is a combination of all these things, not just one or the other. I would not doubt for a second that my meds have something to do with all this too, but at least I am not committing suicide or have and suicidal ideation very much either. I used to do those things.