My acceptance that I need to be on medication

[wallygator]

I would like to propose that medication is really the only way to go.

Ever since I was hospitalized in the 90s I have been prescribed some kind of medication for my problems and I resisted them all the way. I would take them, things would feel better, than I would fall off the wagon again and again. I then started using THC to escape, not even to self medicate, more like escape, and that was the worst thing I could have done. I have been clean an sober now for 2 months. I say clean and sober because I was addicted to THC. I was spending all my time using and thinking about using all the while my personality deteriorated more and more and had reached a level of normalcy psychosis. living in delusions of my own making, hating enemies that are not there and pushing people away for no real reason.

Today i am on day 12 of taking medication and it feels much better, I feel less scared, more capable, less delusional, more accepting, more capable to accept responsibility for my own psychosis driven reactions. I also feel more able to get back on my feet and get a job again after failing so many times. On the medication, even though it has only been 12 days, it feels like forever ago that I failed so hard at life. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a hard time, but it has been made much easer by my acceptance that I need to be on medication so that I can function properly and focus on other things than delusions and lies my mind makes up.

I still feel vulnerable and afraid, but it is less so now, and I am really learning to appreciate how it must feel when a person is not burdened by these terrible feelings of self hate and self sabotage.

 

[Jade-]

Hi

I'm glad medication is helping you and that you've accepted you need it. The right one can really turn a persons life around, I have seen it happen firsthand many times.

 

[Mach123]

I second the motion especially after having been “sober” for years and years I’ll never understand how I survived that . The anxiety and depression were horrendous but when I was doing it if you for got on these pills they told you you were chewing your booze .

 

[Lifeafter]

Medication gave me my life back. I cried because I thought about all the time that I wasted and suffered when meds could have prevented it.

 

[arfie]

I would like to propose that medication is really the only way to go.

may i counter propose a bit of word parsing? changing, ". . . really the only way. . ." to, ". . .a solid way. . ." would get me saluting enthusiastically. i resisted med therapy for decades and finally gave it a whirl in the late 90's. a problem i was having with talk/workshop/group therapy is that i was born into a dysfunctional world. i had no real clues what "stable" felt like. the medications gave me some clues and an emotional baseline to shoot for in the rest of my therapy.

i have since weaned off the meds but remain ever so grateful i gave them a shot. i sincerely believe they helped.

 

[OM_™]

I would like to propose that medication is really the only way to go.

Understood, just gave you a !

may i counter propose a bit of word parsing? changing, ". . . really the only way. . ." to, ". . .a solid way. . ." would get me saluting enthusiastically.

Hi arfie, no disagreement from me regarding your word parsing but I have to agree with strong intention of wallygator's "...really the only way to go." because I have spent 53+ years (I'm 69 now; my first depressive episode began at 6yo) and thousands of $ of therapy only to be told that the narrative is too damn awful to assimilate without the risk of suicide, and finally the psychiatric agreement came, "... we agree with your first proposal that medication is really the only way to go." I won't list all the medications I have tried but just recently I am grateful to have a medication that has given me some clarity. Nothing in my history of ADHD, OCD, MDD and CPTSD is up for discussion; it's too damn painful, but now I am able to say — without wanting to run a thousand miles or having blind fits of rage — "That was the PAST, you are living in the NOW, don't let the past f*ck up your FUTURE." I know that statement may sound pithy or perhaps even puerile but for a bit of word parsing of my own, how about:

"I would like to propose that — for some of us — medication is really the only way to go."