these days - I feel the medication helps me reach and absorb the final symptoms of CPTSD

[wallygator]

These days, since I have taken the step to take positive steps in taking care of myself by taking prozac and propranolol for my CPTSD condition, I do not feel so much suicidal as I did 2.5 months ago, for a long time suicidal ideation was with me all the time. I would constantly think about want to die but being to poultry to do it. Everyday most of the day I wanted to leave this place and I felt it in my body, this discomfort of anxiety, fear and the feelings of loneliness and abandonment. now that I have been on medication for a while I still feel some of that echo noise, but it is so much more tolerable and not really an option to dwell on. I have really come to respect the medication and the fact that If I stick with it, most of the bad feelings about myself, others and the world are not as important as I believed they were. I am still trying to pick up the pieces, but like I told the doctor when I finally decided I had enough suffering: even if I never get to have friends again and a seemingly happy life, at least I do not want to feel so bad about myself; I just be content with the moment as is and to be able to not feel so depressed and abandoned. I am happy the medication helps my in that goal. today I have less enemies that preoccupy my mind and I am so relieved about it.

I feel the medication helps me reach and absorb the final symptoms of CPTSD and that medication really helps me feel like I belong with myself at the very least and that I do not have to search for rescuers or impress people or just feel so bad that life sucks to live.

Take care dear reader, and remember like our therapists tells us: we are not alone and we are no the only ones.

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @wallygator, welcome to the site . I used to feel suicidal as well, and after stopping drinking and smoking I started new medication which changed my life. Now I feel so much better.

 

[arfie]

congratulations on having found your starting point. in my own case, my cptsd symptoms kept breaking through the bestest drugs big pharma had to offer. medication was not a final solution, but drug therapy did offer me an emotional baseline to shoot for in the rest of my therapy work.

here's hoping that your healing path holds true. i hope you will keep us posted on your progress.

 

[PamelaS]

These days, since I have taken the step to take positive steps in taking care of myself by taking prozac and propranolol for my CPTSD condition, I do not feel so much suicidal as I did 2.5 months ago, for a long time suicidal ideation was with me all the time. I would constantly think about want to die but being to poultry to do it. Everyday most of the day I wanted to leave this place and I felt it in my body, this discomfort of anxiety, fear and the feelings of loneliness and abandonment. now that I have been on medication for a while I still feel some of that echo noise, but it is so much more tolerable and not really an option to dwell on. I have really come to respect the medication and the fact that If I stick with it, most of the bad feelings about myself, others and the world are not as important as I believed they were. I am still trying to pick up the pieces, but like I told the doctor when I finally decided I had enough suffering: even if I never get to have friends again and a seemingly happy life, at least I do not want to feel so bad about myself; I just be content with the moment as is and to be able to not feel so depressed and abandoned. I am happy the medication helps my in that goal. today I have less enemies that preoccupy my mind and I am so relieved about it.

I feel the medication helps me reach and absorb the final symptoms of CPTSD and that medication really helps me feel like I belong with myself at the very least and that I do not have to search for rescuers or impress people or just feel so bad that life sucks to live.

Take care dear reader, and remember like our therapists tells us: we are not alone and we are no the only ones.

Welcome Wallygator,

I appreciate what you shared in your post. I am at the beginning of my healing journey. I am also on medication which I can’t do without right now. I also don’t want to live in dysfunction. I finally have a trauma informed therapist, instead of just a therapist who has trauma listed as one of the things they work with. I spent 10 years of my life with that and it didn’t do anything. But I didn’t know any better until I fired my last therapist. That’s a story for another time. I am also in the process of doing a lot of research into trauma and abuse, what does in our bodies and how to heal from it. I came across a resource that has been helping me very much to take control of my thoughts and stop the spiraling negative thoughts and reframe and refocus them in a positive direction. I am receiving two weekly emails with exercise exercises to practice. It’s a free DBT course, and I’m planning to use the exercise exercises with my grandchildren this summer when I go to visit them. They are very valuable tools to put in our toolbox. I want to congratulate you for getting to the sixth step of healing CPTSD! That is quite a feat and I am looking forward to achieving it. Thanks again for sharing and wishing you well in your journey of healing. Hope what I share can help you get that last leg done.

I also want to share a little bit about my son. Congratulations! You are still among the living! I myself have attempted suicide four times. So very thankful that it wasn’t successful. So back to my son, he has lived with suicidal ideation and actively attempting suicide for 23 years now. At times, I was the only person keeping him alive. You see, I lived through the suicide of my father when I was 16 years old. That messed me up for a lot of years. But it also gave me what I needed to coach my son to stay alive. And I’m celebrating that he is still among the living as well. He still lives with suicidal ideation, but he is finally keeping his promise to his best friend and has only lapsed a couple of times. He made a promise to me and he kept it for a while, but he just couldn’t at times. I understand why. The only reason anyone would ever attempt suicide would be to stop what is going on and get relief of the horror. I’m celebrating with you for where you have come to through the benefit of medication and therapy. I’m glad that you have a good therapist that has helped you and you can trust. It’s not easy to find. I’m glad that you have found a medical professional who was able to find a cocktail of meds that work for you. That’s not easy to find either. I’ve been doing this thing for 63 years. And it’s only within the last year that I’ve actually gained ground over it. So, I hope you have someone that you can promise that you will no longer harm yourself, and I hope that you keep your promise, no matter what. I need to find someone to promise to you as well. I wish you well as you move forward in your healing.

 

[Susan Jane]

These days, since I have taken the step to take positive steps in taking care of myself by taking prozac and propranolol for my CPTSD condition, I do not feel so much suicidal as I did 2.5 months ago, for a long time suicidal ideation was with me all the time. I would constantly think about want to die but being to poultry to do it. Everyday most of the day I wanted to leave this place and I felt it in my body, this discomfort of anxiety, fear and the feelings of loneliness and abandonment. now that I have been on medication for a while I still feel some of that echo noise, but it is so much more tolerable and not really an option to dwell on. I have really come to respect the medication and the fact that If I stick with it, most of the bad feelings about myself, others and the world are not as important as I believed they were. I am still trying to pick up the pieces, but like I told the doctor when I finally decided I had enough suffering: even if I never get to have friends again and a seemingly happy life, at least I do not want to feel so bad about myself; I just be content with the moment as is and to be able to not feel so depressed and abandoned. I am happy the medication helps my in that goal. today I have less enemies that preoccupy my mind and I am so relieved about it.

I feel the medication helps me reach and absorb the final symptoms of CPTSD and that medication really helps me feel like I belong with myself at the very least and that I do not have to search for rescuers or impress people or just feel so bad that life sucks to live.

Take care dear reader, and remember like our therapists tells us: we are not alone and we are no the only ones.

Good luck on your recovery!

 

[Josep]

These days, since I have taken the step to take positive steps in taking care of myself by taking prozac and propranolol for my CPTSD condition, I do not feel so much suicidal as I did 2.5 months ago, for a long time suicidal ideation was with me all the time. I would constantly think about want to die but being to poultry to do it. Everyday most of the day I wanted to leave this place and I felt it in my body, this discomfort of anxiety, fear and the feelings of loneliness and abandonment. now that I have been on medication for a while I still feel some of that echo noise, but it is so much more tolerable and not really an option to dwell on. I have really come to respect the medication and the fact that If I stick with it, most of the bad feelings about myself, others and the world are not as important as I believed they were. I am still trying to pick up the pieces, but like I told the doctor when I finally decided I had enough suffering: even if I never get to have friends again and a seemingly happy life, at least I do not want to feel so bad about myself; I just be content with the moment as is and to be able to not feel so depressed and abandoned. I am happy the medication helps my in that goal. today I have less enemies that preoccupy my mind and I am so relieved about it.

I feel the medication helps me reach and absorb the final symptoms of CPTSD and that medication really helps me feel like I belong with myself at the very least and that I do not have to search for rescuers or impress people or just feel so bad that life sucks to live.

Take care dear reader, and remember like our therapists tells us: we are not alone and we are no the only ones.

Hi. Can you tell me what medication worked for you as I've tried all SSRIs and nothing has helped.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

For me, two meds changed the world, a very low dose of Zoloft and buspirone. I fell that the drugs are a starting point, they give me breathing room, while I start to work on the causation. I have read quite a bit on how these drugs work until they don’t for some people. The problem is you don’t know if you are one of those people. So make the most of the time you are getting relief to really start working on the causation.

 

[Friday]

Chemical distance is an incredible blessing.

It is not a reliable way to live LIFE, but the moment of peace in the maelstrom? Blessed.

Unless… it’s an eternal necessity. Then it’s not chemical peace, but shackles. Peel off. Still be you. Believing the same thing. As a moment of peace granted you. Confusion? Doubt? Torment? In the absence of the chemical distance? Does NOT mean you made the wrong choice. It means the choice was complicated. And, in peace? You made the best choice. In chaos/hell/moment you may have chosen differently. Do you… still? Or do you choose chaos over peace? No wrong answer.

Personally? I choose chaos. Pax has too many bodies beneath it.

But I very much understand/respect those who choose pax.

 

[wallygator]

Hi. Can you tell me what medication worked for you as I've tried all SSRIs and nothing has helped.

Hi,

back in the 90s when I was hospitalized, I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 17 and originally I was given imipramine, when that was not working out too well they gave me prozac, (prozac was new at the time) but it was still not enough. It was helpful, but there was something missing. I went on for a few years using prozac but after some time I started to lose it because I still felt very anxious. then in 2012 or so they suggested I should try propranolol to help alleviate my physical symptoms, as the physical symptoms where a major part of my anxiety. The triggering of the body by a though or situation where I could be humiliated, embarrassed or frightened. I am always triggered physically to feel fear no matter what it is that happening. If I like a woman I feel fright in the same way I feel fright to go outside.

The propranolol helps me to take control of the uncontrollable feelings of fear that adrenaline gives me and stops me from freaking out. I have been a good patient for 2.5 months now and I am in better control of my fear feelings and have less fright in situations where fright should not be a factor. Propranolol is a beta blocker originally made for heart conditions back in the 50s. I take 40 milligrams depending on what I am doing. I usually take it to stay calm. It helps me to use my CBT skills to the best of my ability and I feel more relaxed, less paranoid and more free to be myself.

The key is to stick with prozac for my mood issues and propranolol for my uncontrollable fear reaction that emanates from my brains amygdala. This has worked for me very well these past 2 months or so, or as well as I can expect. I really enjoy feeling less scared and paranoid. I no longer have conversations with people who are not there and no longer accuse people of trying to harm me.

hope this helps.

 

[Mach123]

Chemical distance is an incredible blessing.

It is not a reliable way to live LIFE, but the moment of peace in the maelstrom? Blessed.

Unless… it’s an eternal necessity. Then it’s not chemical peace, but shackles. Peel off. Still be you. Believing the same thing. As a moment of peace granted you. Confusion? Doubt? Torment? In the absence of the chemical distance? Does NOT mean you made the wrong choice. It means the choice was complicated. And, in peace? You made the best choice. In chaos/hell/moment you may have chosen differently. Do you… still? Or do you choose chaos over peace? No wrong answer.

Personally? I choose chaos. Pax has too many bodies beneath it.

But I very much understand/respect those who choose pax.

Well said