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- #13
SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I know people tend to be very divided on medication. I tend to be optimistic. I think of it as a tool you use to function better while you work on improving. The first one I took didn't do enough, but it did enough to get me to be calm enough to actually make improvements in my life. Later on, I got to a different place and they asked better questions, and I ended up with one SNRI, something for sleep, and something of benzo type until it all worked. At the time more bad things had happened and I had slid backwards in worse way. Getting to normal sleep was a huge change, and the medication was slowly working and at the 2 week mark I started getting calmer with less intrusive thoughts and more energy. It gave me back my life. Now, I know that seems not true by where I am now, but it really was huge for that time. For whatever reason at one point I was travelling./moving and got prescribed something else, and it was not helpful at all, but I no longer had continuity of care. So every doctor wanted to first put me on the same and then decide, and that really didn't work. But I still believe that if I have opportunity to get on the right thing again- it will change my life. NOT resolve my issues, but help me be calm enough to work on things.I wish I had a magic wand for us both. I started taking the med and I feel divided. I am hoping it calms me down but we will see. The circle of anxiety and then sadness seems never ending. The fear I understand as well. I know it is hard but my new plan is one thing a day. I worked until burnout to try and keep myself away from this horrible cycle. It didn’t work and now I am pulling myself out. I am sending you my understanding.![]()
That being said, things are 1% better. There was a deadline on Thursday, and since I've been anxious without help fora year, I got to a new level of anxious. I actually got paranoid in a scary way. My mind put together few facts around this deadline that COULD equal to a bad outcome. It was the kind of outcome that made me feel physically threatened and afraid to a point I couldn't function. I got valerian root and I'm trying it out, but also after the deadline, my mind calmed a bit. I think it's mostly exhaustion response and it will ramp up again in few days, but I'm taking it one step at a time. I'm trying to find things to hold onto until I get to actual change and actual ability to get help. In the mean time I'm trying to slow down because I've never gotten myself so paranoid I wasn't aware I could be wrong, and that scared me. It was the kind of fear that will break your whole life apart, and I did not function well at all. I don't want to get to that back. It was scary.
I hope your medication works for you and I hope one day I get the help I need. In the meantime hopefully I can get some help.