I had applied for an out of state forensics position in January and received an e-mail in February stating an online orientation/testing would take place in the future. Around this time, I had lost a job due to reporting coworkers who were deliberately setting off my cptsd at work (ex. slamming down heavy boxes of merchandise next to me whole on break, randomly yelling at me over small things despite my being their manager, and more). That company was incredibly dishonest and croneyism ran rampant, so no HR department also protected them. Due to my increased availability, my parents' attempted to pull me into their toxic relationship relationship problems even more. My narcissistic father blows up at random and my mother will corner me or call me for hours repeating all the trauma she has experienced and pulls me back into events relating to the origin of my trauma, thus retraumatizing me. In addition, she would also make sure to tell me I am wasting my degrees and try to tear apart all of my decisions. Both are aware of my cptsd, but my father chooses to ignore it and my mom tries to one up it. This and more of their detrimental behaviors leads to sabotage of my happiness; it seems like whenever I am having a good day, like clockwork, my mother will call and bring me right back down.
Back to the job opportunity, I had been checking my recent e-mails every one or two days. I thought I was on top of it and the crime lab was taking a while for the next step, which is not unusual. Something just hit me the other night and I searched the recruiter's name. Turns out I had missed the online orientation testing in March, by several weeks. I kept trying to figure out how I had missed it. This morning, it hit me that I had seen it, but it was during the midst of everything and I completely forgot about it, hence why I didn't notice it will checking recent e-mails. I am so embarrassed, feel so stupid, and this is so out of character for me. I do have a different job in the same state lined up, but it is not in the same sector, pays less, and doesn't have benefits; it will be an incredibly fun job, but it is not my career goal. Despite an apology e-mail, I fear I have already ruined my reputation at this police department.
I know memory loss is a symptom of cptsd, but has anyone else missed out on opportunities due to it? Is it common for retraumatization and increased triggering to amplify it?
Back to the job opportunity, I had been checking my recent e-mails every one or two days. I thought I was on top of it and the crime lab was taking a while for the next step, which is not unusual. Something just hit me the other night and I searched the recruiter's name. Turns out I had missed the online orientation testing in March, by several weeks. I kept trying to figure out how I had missed it. This morning, it hit me that I had seen it, but it was during the midst of everything and I completely forgot about it, hence why I didn't notice it will checking recent e-mails. I am so embarrassed, feel so stupid, and this is so out of character for me. I do have a different job in the same state lined up, but it is not in the same sector, pays less, and doesn't have benefits; it will be an incredibly fun job, but it is not my career goal. Despite an apology e-mail, I fear I have already ruined my reputation at this police department.
I know memory loss is a symptom of cptsd, but has anyone else missed out on opportunities due to it? Is it common for retraumatization and increased triggering to amplify it?