I let a man give me a massage the other day...and it was wonderful. He had a very nice touch, and although I was initially on guard, and wondered if he would do something bad...he didn't. I give massage to a woman who was raped by a massage therapist who is a man, so the thought did cross my mind.
He gave me a really wonderful massage though, and it made me feel great. Any time he did go too far or did something I wasn't comfortable with, I said I wasn't comfortable and he stopped straight away.
I've started having sex (sort of) again, and it's been nice...not full sex, with penetration, but just touching with a man who I think is pretty decent and good. Not all men are bad.
After I was sexually assaulted it became harder to not hate all men and lump them all together, where previously I had not felt that way but had what I considered to be a balanced, objective opinion where there was good and bad in all people and there are just as many asshole women as there are men...but they're not all like that. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
Not all men are assholes. A lot are, but that goes for women as well. I actually used to judge women who hated men, and found them distasteful...now I understand totally where they are coming from. I hate that I became that, but it's hard not to when you've been violated that way.
Sometimes I do wonder, when I look at men with young children...but I hate that I do. I think it's a reflection of how the media has brainwashed everyone and with all the recent stories of paedophilia rings and child pornography...that puts fear and suspicion in everyone's head...which is unfortunate for any parent who really is innocent of anything like that.
That must be a terrible thing to receive looks from strangers when you are just playing with your daughter or son, and know that you are being judged or suspected of heinous actions, without any reason.
I wasn't molested by my father though, so I never grew up with that distrust of men. I've known some really wonderful men, and although I think that every man has it in him to potentially rape a woman, which is a controversial thing to say, I realize (just my opinion)...most of them would never do that.
For one thing, men are socially programmed to believe that this will make them shit in the eyes of society, and they fear the disapproval and being ostracized..not to mention jail (not that they get much time for it in this society...a pot dealer gets more time than a rapist does, which says a lot about how valued women are in society). So most men will control themselves...even if the impulse to dominate a woman is there, (which I'm not saying it always is...but I think it is there at least some times).
With kids though, it is easier to prey on them, and use fear to keep their silence...so I really can't say how much it does go on. Does anyone really know? It's scary...but I don't believe that every parent you see is like that. Probably many of them are not.
I can understand how someone who was raped by their father, or molested or otherwise had that bond of trust broken can easily think this about all men. It's understandable, even if it is irrational.
My father never did anything sexually to me, nor did he hit me (until I was 28 if you can believe that, and after I'd been raped too)...but he did mock and invalidate me, and negate my reality for most of my life, and couldn't work out why I appeared to have no confidence and was depressed, when externally it looked like I had everything any girl could ever hope for, so what tha hell did I have to be depressed about!
People are stupid...but they aren't all bad...they just do things and don't realize how much it can affect other people! Some are truly bad and evil though, and know exactly what pain they inflict...and enjoy every minute of it. I don't think they are the majority though. But I don't know for sure...?
I hope you all make much progress in therapy so you can see past the darkness and distortions.
