Menopausal, Incest Survivor, Conqueror And Victim...

[LivingLovingandLearning]

Making it to 49 and being happily married are major accomplishments. Due to some unusual circumstances I ended up living next door to relatives. I was naive in thinking this was a good idea. My integrative medical doctor urged my husband and I to go to therapy. It was taking it's toll on our marriage since they are his relatives. I was fully behind making this happen - moving that is. I made it happen while he was working. I met with realtors etc. and picked the house. The blessing was going to therapy for that reason and I discovered that I had so many issues that were controlling me and it was a revelation to have someone to talk to and get so much positive reinforcement from. It has not been without it's trials though seeing someone. I had a flood of emotions which took over my entire being and it was obvious to my husband and friends how much I adored my therapist. I quoted him constantly and all that. Anyway as I'm writing this I'm getting that they are human. I think I finally have an understanding about this relationship. I urge people to see a therapist but enter it cautiously and be prepared for floods of emotions about them, about yourself and that they come up unexpectedly.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome to the Forum!

Wow, a happy marriage!! Congratulations!!

I know the bond with a therapist is deep. I dread the day mine has to retire!! It would be easy to have a crush on him, but I know it's counterproductive to healing. When you aren't used expressing your feelings, finding a good therapist who has your best interests as their job is like finding a new friend! I had been through several before finding my T.

Sorry you found out the hard way, that living that close to relatives can be hazardous to relationships. But, am glad you were referred to therapy before it caused too much damage!

Have a blessed day!

 

[Lionheart]

Welcome to the forum

I am happy that you have found a good therapist, (they are few and far between in my experience). I did have one "t" that went out of her way to help me, she taught me how to be my own best therapist. I still quote her all the time (though she retired several years ago). She was like a mother bird who had to kick me out of the nest so I could learn how to fly, (so to speak). She said, "sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down." She was so right.

I have several relatives who are living with me and it is a nightmare!!! It is not a good thing to have so many in the home or living so close, but I see that you now know this to be a fact. If there is anything I have learned over the years, it is that you can love someone and still not be able to live with them...so congratulations on making your marriage work!!!

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to the Forum LivingLovingandLearning,

Congratulations on all of your accomplishments! I am glad that have a great therapist. My current therapist therapist is one of the extremely special category as well. We are a great match and work very well together. However, you are definitely right. Therapy brings all the emotions and experiences to the forefront and is really really hard work. It is almost like therapy is the best thing and the worst thing all at once. The best thing is that it helps you live and figure out what you need to in order to get better and at the same time it can trigger you so badly you lose sight of everything. The deeper we dig, the harder it becomes. However, I am grateful for every session because in some way even the hard sessions make the pain lighter and lighter. So I agree with you, that finding a good trauma therapist is a necessity. Do not give up if the first few (in my case the first 23) are not a match. Keep looking, there is someone for you too!

Thank you for the positive topic!

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi there LLL!

Welcome to the forum. I've managed to reach 47 and 23 years of marriage! It isn't always easy is it? I avoid a lot of my relatives - some of them are very strange and I'm triggered being in the same room as them.. i will see my brother and sister but I tend not to see them together. I searched for help for over 35 years. I found some therapists nice but hopeless and some abusive. I have finally found someone who I have jelled with, I have to pay him but it has been worth it so far. Well done for getting this far, I hope your journey continues and you get all the help you seserve.

It would be easy to have a crush on him

HA Angelkeeper! :roflmao: I chose a man because I have real trouble with women T's, but I chose an older, bearded man to avoid getting a crush! There is no way I would be attracted to him as I hate beards!!!! LOL