For awhile there, I was sleeping OK. Not tonight! SHEEEEH! Been awake since 11:30P or so, now it is 2:13A. I am wide awake.
I know I had a nightmare this morning that I woke up from at around 4:00A. I suppose that could be causing the problem. My mind does not want to go back there, I guess. I cannot blame myself for that.
It was about a seemingly locked door in the dream that I needed to get through. I never went to even try it out to make sure it was locked. Now I wonder about that. I should have at least tried it! However, there was something about that door that made me want to back off. So, instead, I took another entranceway, a hallway. It was dark in the hallway and I could not see where I was going and I woke up! (I am afraid of the dark, so that is not surprising).
Symbolically, I am thinking that a choice of doors means paths that one can take in life. I think I was dreaming about decisions, choices I need to make about the future. I know I had plans to make a major change in my life awhile back. A job change. Now I am unsure of that decision. My job is fine in and of itself and I love it, but my pdoc wanted me to get a better job when she saw me over a year ago. She thinks I am being an underachiever. I don't really want to change. That is why I woke up. I think so anyway. Really, Dr.s should not try to make such decisions for patients. (I changed pdocs because of this too. But you know how things like that can haunt one, even months or years later....).
Only now, with the government shut down, my job could be in danger if it all is not resolved. A LONG time from now, like in July, if the shutdown is not ended by then, I could end up losing my job or something. Funding is OK until then, but after then, UGH... so that is why I am dreaming these things, I think. My mind is in conflict. Really, honestly, I don't know what to do.
