Miminizing

[new gamma rays]

Isn't that what Rafiki the mandrill does to Simba in The Lion King? Except he does it just to prove Simba can't do anything about it.

 

[Friday]

lol... I almost called it "Pull a Lion King on someone" but figured the reference might be confusing.

 

[Philippa]

@Ghostybear73 trauma is trauma. especially when it comes to abuse. in my opinion, no type of abuse is worse than the other. someone who was neglected can be just as traumatized as someone who was molested/raped.

Yes, I've come across people like this, who minimize their own suffering because they think that if they were not molested then what is there to complain about, and think that other people will judge them the same way so underplay their stories to avoid that from happening. I've also had plenty of people tell me to get over it and compare my trauma to friends of theirs who had to eat out of dog bowls and were horribly abused as kids...this mainly by my own brother, so I don't have contact with people who do that to me because I know that my trauma and story are valid, and that will only set me back if I buy into their stupid hierarchical beliefs about abuse and who "deserves" to speak about it and who doesn't based on someone elses judegment of what was "bad enough" to mention.

 

[Nyssa]

I turned away from people who were minimizing. It made me angry, I couldn't take it. I'm glad I did it.

It's now rare for me to hear minimizing comments on my traumas. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I, myself, don't minimize things so much anymore. So the way I tell it doesn't not leave much room for minimizing comments -- actually, it doesn't leave much room for any comment at all. Or maybe I've learned to spot potential minimizer and stay away from them. Or maybe, it's just luck.

There are issues related to trauma some people don't get, but that's ok. It's not like they say what I have been through wasn't that bad. It's just that sometimes, some people fail to accept how deeply it impacted me. It makes me a little angry, because it is indeed a form of minimization. But mostly, it makes me feel lonely.

 

[new gamma rays]

I haven't really spoken to many people outside of my family about my trauma, but since my trauma involved my parents (not abuse) it is impossible for us to really talk about it calmly, or without flat out denial. The worst is when my dad resorts to the "How many of your friends" argument like when I try to explain why the dishwasher is a trigger (which is hard to do because it involves one instance where my mom did something passive aggressive that was extremely distressing to me when I was in pain) I always get "If you tried to explain this to any of your friends, who would think this is real?" or "How many of your friends would complain about something like this: It just sets me off further and shuts off the conversation. Since there's no easy parallel with other people that the other person can understand in their life, or someone they've observed its easier to make it "that's just you". I've noticed in my family that its almost impossible to talk about being in pain - maybe because on one hand as a family member you instinctually want to empathize and put yourself in someone else's shoes, but at the same time you don't want to imagine yourself in pain so maybe they come up with defenses.