Mindset and it's Role in Grounding, Trust, Reducing Hypervigilance, and Self-Compassion/ Self-Forgiveness

[Freddyt]

I'm not sure if it just changes the way I think about it, or I don't feel alone with it, or because I've never had it, or what/ why this is so Idk?

Very possibly because your level of stress is lower around those people.....

That stress level affects EVERYTHING to do with PTSD. As it goes up the negative and the fear and all the bad stuff gets worse. It's why the PTSD Cup is so massively important in living with PTSD.

Learning how to manage and mitigate is the difference in life with PTSD. The better you get at it - the better you can function....then having the cup overflow becomes a choice than an two or three times a week accident.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh yes @Freddyt I think you are probably right. Well absolutely right about stress. I just suppose I don't know exactly why saying it reduces the stress, except to think either someone has my back/ prayers, or in the case of the past is not scared of it like I am.

Thank you!

 

[Tinyflame]

@Freddyt I was thinking, maybe it's because it just is what/ who is actually safe? Which is very lucky or fortunate when so. I was thinking before, at some point I have to make a commitment to decide to choose, and I'm not big on commitment. Or risk. Of course there aren't guarantees in the life part, with people I mean, but if I go by ptsd-evidence-based there would never be enough proof in 4 or 5 lifetimes, especially if relating it to the past. And it's also unfair to others if not warranted and outright inaccurate at times, which is what you said about lies. And there have been many times of stressors through the roof, not really even normal stressors. I also saw a sign that said something like, ~'The beginning of freedom is courage'. Could be applied to a lot of things and choices and difficulties and mindsets, but applies to this as well I think. I've tried to have perseverance but doubt I've ever had much courage. Thanks again.

 

[Re w]

I have found that common grounding suggestions aren't particularly useful for me, except cold water, physical help, and to a lesser degree breathing and animals, and the mental :STOP SIGN". But it occurred to me, when I can't think (only react), what does help is a belief I have chosen when in a calm state of mind- based on evidence. If I can remember it, or read it, or remember to read it, or hear it when I am triggered I can shortcut reacting.

Not sure if this works for anyone else, but I think I realize a lot of re-enacting (or intrusive thoughts/ images) for me also go back to feeling guilt and shame. So I think it's trying to change the ending (well it is, but..), more so to change my part and therefore change the ending. And for the situations that were out of my control it comes down to more avoidance. But even that has beliefs I hold behind it when I am in a non-triggered state. It's not just "I am an adult", it's this isn't the same person. And some people do things others wouldn't. Or, perhaps I have help now. And it's not all a Secret.

Does anyone think the roots go back to self-blame, guilt and shame? I recall a psychologist having a way to re-tell the story until details that changed the perception and mindset of what was possible/ in the person with ptsd's control changed (the guilt and shame reduced). Seems to make sense to me. I guess the perception of what was possible/ feasible changed.

I think I first noticed this when I realized the feeling of 'safety' and 'trust' were connected, but trust is my choice, I am required to trust or not, or somewhere in between. If I can trust I can forget about much about lack of safety, and when triggered I only have to remember this is trustworthy. Something unrelated (counting blue things, for me for eg, ) doesn't help. I need one concrete intellectualized belief.

Similarly, being able to let go of guilt seems to never have had enough 'reason', but now I have a reason. So I don't think about it the same. Acceptance but it's something else. Forgiven also equates to 'over'. But forgiven doesn't (can't) be earned, just accepted.

Does anyone relate to this? (I apologize if this is in the wrong forum). I'm sorry I can't really express it more clearly quite yet. Thank you for any thoughts.

Wow. I relate to this SO much. When I started reading it I was confused because I was honestly thinking, I don't remember writing this....I realize that sounds weird and of course a few sentences in I realized that was not the case but I have had this conversation about grounding techniques with therapists before and it doesn't really seem to click for them and they simply suggest more. Cold water is an exception and usually works very well. But anyways, I am just continually amazed by this community and the constant discovery of other people who actually understand these feelings.

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow. I relate to this SO much. When I started reading it I was confused because I was honestly thinking, I don't remember writing this

I'm glad it made sense- I thought it didn't at all! Thank you! As long as you can find something that works for you, or in a way that works for you, I think it is helpful.

s honestly thinking, I don't remember writing this....I realize that sounds weird

Well I've done the exact same thing too!

Welcome to you @Re w !

 

[Tinyflame]

I came back to this when I read the thread about cure. I was thinking how cyclical ptsd can be, but how impacted by stress and by beliefs. And it came to me that so much comes down also to the blame levied on myself or others, or the unceratinty, fear or shame. All of which to a great degree are at least in theory and with practise minimizable. If something is untrue, why not accept it as such.. if something is true, then remember that also. That might not change the body, but the mind needn't have a field day with it. (Though I do believe here on the Forum the primary intent and purpose is for others to share specifically what helps and alleviates suffering, and to support each other. That is as close to a cure as can be found IMHO. Like saying be thankful in everything- not 'for' everything, but to be thankful.)

Like I was thinking at work, I could be upset, to some degree felt it. Until I thought, integrity means doing what you would when there's no one there to notice. I thought of good friends, one used to be an EMT, they would have zero time or patience with any of it, and of course didn't become friends with that group. Or certain stuff- gossip, competition, etc etc , all is not my interest. So what is there to care, actually?

So I was thinking maybe the same with ptsd symptoms- would they be less impactful if viewed like the flu (which is impersonal), and with practising trying to have less 'understanding' of them proper (as in how they relate to now, except for acknowledging the trigger(s) )?

Idk if it's just my age, or being too tired, or having to accept things that can't be changed, but some things to me are the importance put on them, I thought even a few days ago, I could give myself credit if/ when I've forgiven, but it seems to me a gift more than something that speaks about myself.

I remember a woman who let go of her guilt when she was shown with a simulator that she could not have held on to her child in her lap in a crash where they died. But there aren't simulators for most things. Perhaps it is sufficient to know what was done/ not done was all that could be done at the time? I mean, all there is is a series of 'nows', and then those will also end. Seems to me it takes a lot of energy to reason more in to it than is already there. Maybe better to name how it makes (me, anyone) feel, and leave it at that. Decisions will follow from that, but also some times aren't great for decisions. And I would suspect even dealing with ptsd, or learning how better to, is a step-wise process. Maybe some things can't be understood now, but will better be one day.

**Oops, I am sorry, I missed the edit. And to say, to make peace with the fact that that some things cannot be made peace with. I think it's something more than acceptance.