So I really don't even know where to start here. I can't talk about this with anyone who actually knows me, so I'm posting here. Just for reference I'm 28, and female.
Basically, I recently discovered that I do have a few of the symptoms of PTSD, but certainly not all of them. I'm completely unable to decide if it's even worth a therapist's time to seek out professional help, or if I'm just seeing illness where none exists (I'm a bit of a hypochondriac).
Anyway I guess I'll just run down the facts:
1. When I was about 4 years old I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia (this was in 1986). I was admited to the hospital the day that my diagnosis came back from the lab, and I had to spend the next week in the hospital. After that I went through 12 months of chemotherapy, and continued to have to go in for various tests quite often for the next 3 years or so.
2. Upon starting kindergarten I was almost immediately found to have moderate attention deficit disorder. My parents decided that they did not want to medicate me.
3. By the time I started high school I was still often the target of bullying (both boys and girls) So my mother took me to see a counselor of some kind (I do not remember the details, I don't know if she was actually a psychologist or just a social worker of some sort. I know she had done a lot of work with teenage girls in juvenile correction?) That lasted for a few months, but eventually the psychologist suggested that therapy wasn't really necessary anymore. (she said something along the lines of "there's no reason for your insurance company to keep paying for you to come talk to me")
4. When I was 20 I started having panic attacks. The counselor I found proscribed Lexapro and I spent the next 2 years on that medication. (Although I stopped seeing the counselor a few months after I started the medication.)
5. I dropped out of all my classes during the last semester of my last year of my degree program.
6. I stopped taking the Lexapro on my own, which I will admit right now was probably a stupid thing to do. I'd gotten it into my head that it was causing all my problems, and at the time it seemed like a good idea.
I'm 28 and I don't really have much of a career to speak of, although I did manage to get my degree two years late. (but I'm an artist, and artists never seem to have a career to speak of)
I also have never had a romantic relationship of any kind with any person. I am extremely phobic about disease and somewhat paranoid in general, although I wouldn't say it disrupts my life. I still have panic attacks occasionally, although usually only when I'm very stressed out about many things.
I do not remember ever actually being physically or sexually abused, my parents are both great people, and obviously I've never had an abusive significant other because I have not had any significant others. I don't have nightmares or flashbacks or any dissociative problems that I'm aware of. On the other hand, I don't like to be touched, I do have a hard time talking about some of my experiences without getting upset, and until just a few years ago I never really thought I would live this long (I remember telling my mom when I was about 12 that I didn't expect to live much past 18). I have had an incident involving self-harm, but nothing that was serious enough for me to have to go to a hospital or anything. And I can't form romantic relationships at all.
So I don't know, maybe I'm just making a mountain of a molehill here? I'd appreciate any feedback, even if it's just to tell me that I'm being over-dramatic and should stop worrying about it.
Basically, I recently discovered that I do have a few of the symptoms of PTSD, but certainly not all of them. I'm completely unable to decide if it's even worth a therapist's time to seek out professional help, or if I'm just seeing illness where none exists (I'm a bit of a hypochondriac).
Anyway I guess I'll just run down the facts:
1. When I was about 4 years old I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia (this was in 1986). I was admited to the hospital the day that my diagnosis came back from the lab, and I had to spend the next week in the hospital. After that I went through 12 months of chemotherapy, and continued to have to go in for various tests quite often for the next 3 years or so.
2. Upon starting kindergarten I was almost immediately found to have moderate attention deficit disorder. My parents decided that they did not want to medicate me.
3. By the time I started high school I was still often the target of bullying (both boys and girls) So my mother took me to see a counselor of some kind (I do not remember the details, I don't know if she was actually a psychologist or just a social worker of some sort. I know she had done a lot of work with teenage girls in juvenile correction?) That lasted for a few months, but eventually the psychologist suggested that therapy wasn't really necessary anymore. (she said something along the lines of "there's no reason for your insurance company to keep paying for you to come talk to me")
4. When I was 20 I started having panic attacks. The counselor I found proscribed Lexapro and I spent the next 2 years on that medication. (Although I stopped seeing the counselor a few months after I started the medication.)
5. I dropped out of all my classes during the last semester of my last year of my degree program.
6. I stopped taking the Lexapro on my own, which I will admit right now was probably a stupid thing to do. I'd gotten it into my head that it was causing all my problems, and at the time it seemed like a good idea.
I'm 28 and I don't really have much of a career to speak of, although I did manage to get my degree two years late. (but I'm an artist, and artists never seem to have a career to speak of)
I also have never had a romantic relationship of any kind with any person. I am extremely phobic about disease and somewhat paranoid in general, although I wouldn't say it disrupts my life. I still have panic attacks occasionally, although usually only when I'm very stressed out about many things.
I do not remember ever actually being physically or sexually abused, my parents are both great people, and obviously I've never had an abusive significant other because I have not had any significant others. I don't have nightmares or flashbacks or any dissociative problems that I'm aware of. On the other hand, I don't like to be touched, I do have a hard time talking about some of my experiences without getting upset, and until just a few years ago I never really thought I would live this long (I remember telling my mom when I was about 12 that I didn't expect to live much past 18). I have had an incident involving self-harm, but nothing that was serious enough for me to have to go to a hospital or anything. And I can't form romantic relationships at all.
So I don't know, maybe I'm just making a mountain of a molehill here? I'd appreciate any feedback, even if it's just to tell me that I'm being over-dramatic and should stop worrying about it.
