Misery Thread... Bloody Bloody Hell!

[BV101]

Well this is a right cavalry charge now! I tell you where I am with the medical stuff. I get both sides of this argument, but I'm already struggling a bit with being alright with my family, so if I took stuff that did a bit of numbing down, then I might be further away from being... oh I don't know lets call it not bonkers , than I am now.
But on the other hand, wandering around being a miserable so and so isn't the way forward. And as you all say it might not be just PTSD. It might also be the fact that my wife can and often is a right pain in the arse. In her defence mind you, she isn't from the west and she has a view on war and stuff that doesn't often jive with how we view it. In her culture war is something you go through, dig in and get out. Its miserable, people die. Move on. Its not that she isn't sympathetic, but for her its more like I suggest you pull yourself together and stop being gay.
Thats why the talking is so difficult.
But anyway...

 

[zigadenus]

Has she gone to see your doctors with you? Does she have the foggiest idea what they are talking about? In a relationship it is the responsibility of both people to try and understand each other. While it is true that she probably has a lot going on, education is the key to understanding things like depression/anxiety, etc. It took me years to get my Dad past "self discipline" being my problem. Once he understood the biochemistry, he chilled out a lot.
Keep talking. We are listening.--ya probably wish some of us would shut up too--but that's ok. That's what we are here for!

 

[willis williams]

I use meds and have tried a lot of different ones. My shakes are more like parkinsons I still have not got a real answer yet (tardica disconesa I don't know how to spell it) or wilsons disease. I wish it was just a tremor I should of worded it different I take 200mg of anti convulsent to calm it and still have some really bad days. I am imbarased about it in public which don't help the depression my favorate is when someone ask are you allright or just stares. I know they mean well but I was half ass normal to the eye a little over a year ago. It is most likely the tardica which means seroquel caused it the one that hospitalized me. I take lithium as a mood stabilizer and something to protect my stomach from the meds. If meds work I say great use them but I make my relationship work with sharing the treatment with Seren so now it is not just me complaining she gets to see that it is a real thing that is all around her but folks are just good at hiding it. I smoked some pot the other day just to see because in washington state they give out the cards for medicinal use and it was recommended by other vets to help with sleep and night terrors. The juries still out on that for me because I am anti drugs with my children and if I were to use it as a med I would feel like a hippocrit but I slept great and woke up in a great mood. I wished there was a simple answer because I even told my therapist the other day that I feel like running away so far into the woods I would not have to inter act with anyone. I have really great kids and a great best friend and lover but I still can't just settle down and injoy it. I love my kids but if they are all talking at once it makes me insain my 1 1/2 yr old when he cries it just makes me crazy that one I know came from combat. Even other peoples kids in a resteraunt if they are screaming I just want them to shut up. The meds don't fix that and therapy doesn't seem to help either the only thing that is keeping me here with my family is just loyalty. I guess I can say with honesty I don't know still guessing with the doctors. TEX

 

[BV101]

So an update and close out on this thread. I spoke to the mental help today on my visit between the sighing, the looking the biscuits and the thinking about what the room would look like with an RPG through it. We discussed the good and bad points of medication and so forth. In a nut shell I'm not going with it. I need a kick up the arse, not calming down. And as we've touched on here, PTSD is one issue in relationships. I want to throw the TV out of the window most Saturdays when my sports team loses. And thats got nothing to do with somebody throwing a hand grenade at me.

 

[willis williams]

Alan, if you can make it without the meds good. I would not take them either but because I am still working on my disability with the VA I have to play by thier rules. The meds even have my liver a little inlarged. When I drank they measured it and it was basically normal. Since the meds I look like a ethiopian round pot belly my liver is pooching out and it is anoying because I am not fat 6'1" 200 lbs. my belly now sticks out probably 2" past my chest. So good on you I you don't use meds. TEX

 

[Steph_F]

"I want to throw the TV out of the window most Saturdays when my sports team loses. And thats got nothing to do with somebody throwing a hand grenade at me." ...Alan Todd (I don't know how to copy other people's words in yellow, sorry! LoL)

I like that you said this and Willis said something about relationship problems can be there with or without one of the people having PTSD. I'm still trying to figure out if my guy is an ass sometimes cuz that is how he is, or if its "PTSD assiness"...I think it might be alittle of both but I am getting better on learning how to work with it (through really yucky trial and error). I almost wish I understood what is like to be trapped behind those walls he always talks about where he can't feel anything but hurt, mistrust, anger, sadness, hopelessness. Its so easy for me to just ask, beg him to stop being so distance and stop letting the little things bother him. Thanks to you guys that are living and thriving very well in PTSD hell, you all have the balls to be brave and share your emotions, you have made things so much easier for my soldier, your brother in arms!! From the bottom of my (sometimes bruised) heart, thank you for your openess and honesty. Proud as hell of all of you!