Missing My Anger - Pain Is Hurting More

[BlueOrange]

So, I'm a lot less angry. A lot more in control, a lot safer to be around. And I'm aware now, of how the anger was stopping me from feeling the pain. I've tried to get angry about a few things, but I've lost the... the whatever it was that made anger feel satisfying and good.

I just want to curl into a ball and cry over all the things that I've lost - especially the things that my anger took away from me. And there's a quiet little voice saying "Be kind to yourself" but I don't trust it and I won't want to feel weak. At the same time, I feel really weak.

 

[intothelight]

Anger is protective and once it is gone, then the real emotion needs to be dealt with. The process sucks, but on the other side of it, you start to really feel the positive emotions again.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I much prefer the anger (and resulting numbness) to the pain, but the pain must be reckoned with.

 

[gist]

In the same boat. Idk, forcing myself to exercise or hit a punching bag, even when I'm really not up to it, is making the pain more manageable, if only a little.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

In the same boat. Idk, forcing myself to exercise or hit a punching bag, even when I'm really not up to it,...

I have studied boxing for quite some time now. It does feel good to use a heavy bag to vent, true.

 

[Dana1010]

@BlueOrange, can you tell me what you did to peel away the anger layer to get to the pain? I think anger is my biggest problem now, and I want to get past it so bad, but it's got me in its jaws and won't let go. I get glimpses of the vulnerability and helplessness behind it, and I don't like it, something in me says, "Keep fighting, don't let them get away with it."