Why does my mom get upset & disrespectful towards me when I open up about my emotions?

[Warrior Sunflower]

My mom tends to raise her voice over and over again and rolls her eyes several times and sighs every time I even just think my dad might be drunk again and repeats over and over again that neither of them are drinking until it makes me feel better so I lie that it does so, she'll leave me alone but them drinking is the only thing that causes my uncontrollable autistic meltdowns and despite what some people might think autistic meltdowns and tantrums are NOT the same thing. My mom also used to force me to open up to her about my emotions. For example, this one time that I'm still not completely over, she locked both of us in the car and yelled at me that we're not going anywhere until I tell her my emotions and why I'm feeling that way and she kept yelling at me until I was having an autistic meltdown and then when I told her my emotions, she just insulted me. There are ways to accidentally hurt people, but the ways that people with BPD can lash out are, to me, very obviously cruel. And yeah, I'm just starting to realize that my experience isn't unique at all -- which on one hand is validating, and on the other is horrifying. And YES, also don't understand how people don't see the poor behavior easily. Growing up, it was terrifying and caused me a lot of psychological issues, but I was never fooled into thinking the behavior was "okay" or excusable. She just lacks self awareness and can never really understand or take responsibility for her actions. She does apologize but I don't think she is even aware of what she's apologizing for. “I must just be the worst mother ever for doing all of this for you” when I tell her off for being mean to me. If I point out specific mean things my mom does then I'm a mean person making up lies to hurt her on purpose. My intentions never matter, in fact, my intentions are what she decide they are, and all that matters is the distorted outcome of whatever she claims I said or did. Now, this is just a vent song I made; Why do you guys keep going past your limit?

I'm not an idiot! So materialistic.

This doesn't feel like love, is it?

Drink, Drink, Drink is your first priority, isn't it?

Don't try to tell me it's not. I've been traumatized from all the anger and all the fights so, has my brother. Why do you think he makes as many plans with friends as possible?

I may be physically disabled but I'm starting to feel mentally unstable. I really want to move out so, I won't have to be near the drunkenness, anger and the fights but I don't have enough money and I can't live alone. I feel like my parents are slowly getting lost at sea. I miss the Mom who actually listened to my feelings not just flat out ignoring or dismissing them. I miss the Mom who stood up for me against the school. I miss the Mom who didn't twist my words. I miss the Mom who was calm and laid back. I miss the Mom who doesn't get in my personal space. I miss the Mom who was so sad that I might not make it as a baby and actually watched me to make sure I was okay. I miss the Mom who focuses more on my health than fights. I miss the Dad who would put God first. I miss the Dad who would play handies with me. I miss the Dad who would come visit me at school and surprise me with something for that holiday. I miss the Dad who would always have a genuine smile and would always try to make me smile. I miss the Dad who I know loved me. I miss the Dad that was kind. I know this is a lot but I needed to rant and vent.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

It sounds like you are having a tough situation. I am doing much better these days in regards to my PTSD but I used to really struggle in crowded restaurants. Sometimes I would ask my wife to order for me. If she realized I was struggling she would slow her speech down and speak loudly. I would feel like I was being treated like a retarded 3 year old. Since she spoke loudly people at other tables would look at me. I would hold my tongue and speak to my wife later about it. I know she loves me and is only trying to help but you know the humiliating feeling you get when these things happen. Deep breathes. Lots of them. It is your life, make it an adventure. Your job is to figure out how to live it, and then share that knowledge with others.

 

[Friday]

Is it you, or one/both of your parents, that has PTSD?

 

[thursday]

Have you ever contacted a social worker? I understand from reading, that the relationship between you and your parents was good, once upon a time. I think this is something that is way beyond your and your brothers psychological abilities. Things are not going away by writing and ranting on a forum. Alcohol is the root of all eval. Seek help outside the family.

 

[Warrior Sunflower]

@thursday, I can legally move out, it’s my disabilities that make me unable to live alone. My mom, despite my emotional needs, has gotten better with some of what I mentioned above. Surprisingly, even the alcohol addiction has gotten better for her. I don’t believe it’s completely over yet but it’s a lot better. I think my emotional needs can’t be met from her because of her BPD and that’s one of the reasons why I think she never actually sees the real me and sees a different version of me.